Wonkette

Dina Matos McGreevey is still divorcing ex-New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey, because he is a Gay American and she doesn’t like that, even though she reportedly liked getting fucked by Jim’s sexy staffer Teddy Pedersen, while Jim watched and worked up the enthusiasm to fuck Dina with his own penis, after they all enjoyed sexy dinners at (really) T.G.I. Friday’s, in New Jersey. Anyway, Dina still denies the swinging TGIF stuff, and she wants Jim to give her enough money for a helicopter and three houses. MORE »

Poor sad ex-TGI Friday’s gay romancer and New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey is so poor that he lives on cat food and canned beans, so he cannot spare any wooden nickles from his bindle for his betrayed former wife who “should have known he was gay” when she married him. MORE »

MCGREEVEY CONFIRMS T.G.I. FRIDAY’S THREESOME CLUB: Ex-New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey has confirmed that he used to have threesomes with his wife and driver, covered in fried green beans and ranch dressing and performed on the Jack Daniels Grill at T.G.I. Friday’s. Hilariously, his wife completely denies it. Aaaaand her divorce cash-in has just dropped like a mozzarella stick into steamy marinara goo. [AP/CBS News]

Now that America is about finished with New York and its terrible sordid sex scandals, a nation turns its lonely eyes to New Jersey for more smut. And New Jersey delivers! Remember that other governor who had to resign because he slept with some non-wife sort of person? It turns out former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey maybe used to have sex with his wife and some other dude, at the same time. Worse yet, these unspeakable acts allegedly followed weekly dinners at T.G.I. Friday’s. MORE »

* Henry Paulson and Rob Portman have been “unleashed” on Democrats who’re loud-mouthing about deficit reduction. [WP]
* Democrats thumping Bible on march to political center. [NYT]
* New “Sportsman’s Alliance” conservation group to advocate wildlife habitats be kept as pristine places to stroll about blasting animals with shotguns. [WP]
* Wayne Allard plans the work, works the plan, and marks the wall to count the days til he’s just scheduling tee times. [WP, NYT]
* President Bush maintains that law enforcement has the authority to look into exactly when and where terror suspects saved 39 cents on garlic hummus and triscuits. [WP]
* Interior Department Mineral Manager Johnnie Burton isn’t quite “perfect at everything.” [NYT]
* Condi’s looking forward to a threesome next month. [LAT]
* MLK day was inspirational for Russell Simmons, who now has an idea for a great new reality show. [NYT]

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Okay, fine, we’ll admit it. We believe that the whole Stormie Janzen blog controversy is a bit overblown. Indeed, our view is reflected in the title we’ve given to this post. (And yes, we briefly considered the triple-pun headline “Stormie Janzen: Temptress in a Teapot,” before rejecting it as way too “busy.”)

But the recognition that this is all “much ado about nothing” — as Stormie herself, a one-time Shakespeare scholar, might say — won’t prevent us from serving up yet another post about Sen. Jeff Sessions’s steamy staffer. It’s what you’re clearly clamoring for, and we aim to please!

For those of you who missed yesterday’s coverage, Stormie Janzen is a gorgeous, 34-year-old scheduler for Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.). Until recently, Stormie Jansen [sic; intentional misspelling to capture Google traffic] maintained a bawdy blog on MySpace, where she raved about the sexiness of men in button-fly jeans and treated visitors to a tantalizing glimpse of her thong, a la Monica.

Unfortunately for Ms. Janzen, as well as all thong-loving members of MySpace, the powers-that-be in Senator Sessions’s office eventually got wind of her literary exploits. And when they did, they forced poor Stormie to change into a pair of granny panties — and to take down her blog. (But the chastened Janzen is keeping her job, as reported by Roll Call.)

So you’ll probably never get to see that ridiculously delicious photo of Stormie in her partially unbuttoned jeans (unless someone emails us a screen cap). But you’re still dying to know: “Who is Stormie Jansen? And how is she related to the Halle Berry character from X-Men?”

On the jump page, the results of Wonkette’s detailed investigation into those questions.

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