thomas jefferson

Ever since John Jacob Gordon Klingenschmitt won his primary for a state legislative seat in Colorado, we’ve been expecting big things from old Chaps, which is one hell of a nickname for a straight man. We should have known that it wouldn’t be long before a man who is so very preoccupied by demonic possession […]

You guys all remember Judge Roy Moore, the Alabama Hero who was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court after refusing to comply with a U.S. Supreme Court order to remove a two-ton Ten Commandments monument that he’d installed at the court. That was back in 2003, don’t you feel old? And then he got reelected […]

Allen West’s terrible new book is finally out, although the cover photo has been kicking around since November. Frankly, when we saw articles about West’s “new book” we thought maybe this was a rushed sequel. But no, it just turns out that West’s exciting memoirfesto, Guardian of the Republic: An American Ronin’s Journey to Faith, […]

Well this is fun. This nice fellow is Michael Peroutka, the founder of the “Institute on the Constitution” and a former presidential candidate of the Constitution Party. He sure does love him some Constitution! He’s also a member of the neo-Confederate League of the South and a good old white supremacist, too. And he has […]

Would you like to read the anguished product of one million conservative tears and howls of rage? Were you hoping that it started with slamming Bamz for a lame joke but then somehow pivoted to the French President’s l’adultery? And how about if we throw in some discussion of how Ghost Thomas Jefferson wanders the […]

Sternums up, everybody! Time to wrap up our visit to the mind of Great American Artist Of America Jon McNaughton, as revealed in his teen novel Knight of the Superstitions. It’s a stirring tale of a young Mary Sue named Josh Knight, who with the help of his guardian angel Nathaniel becomes adept at seeing […]

After all the sex and excitement of the Revolutionary War and the writing of the Constitution, our American History textbooks for Christian schools present us with something of a challenge: there’s just not all that much crazy for them to say about the following few decades of history. Sure, there’s a lot of stuff that […]

Oh hi there readers. Whatcha doing? Stuff? Work stuff? Fun stuff? Sexytime stuff? Are you in the Midwest and digging yourself out of a million inches of snow? Why not take a break and go read this delightful 2388-word (YES WE COUNTED THEM. ok, actually, we just cut and pasted them into Word, which counted […]

Seems ol’ Diddles McGee at the Greene County, Virginia, GOP, has caught some unfriendly fire after his insane ramblings about how we must have “armed revolution” if Obama succeeds at the ballot box. He tried to pull a Wyclef — “When I say gun, I mean my pen and paper” — and claim it was […]

Well, that’s nice, you guys. Having already magically made Mormons out of Anne Frank, Elvis, Pope John Paul II, and Hitler (him they can have!), the Church of Latter Day Saints has now turned its attention to marrying people who might not even want to get married! Like, remember when Bristol and Levi were going […]

Certain factions of “Founding Father truthers” are still unable to reconcile themselves to the generally-accepted historical and DNA¬†evidence that white Founding Father squad captain Thomas Jefferson was perenially knocking up one of his black slaves, mostly for the twin reasons that a) as the American reincarnation of Jesus, Thomas Jefferson was not supposed to be […]

Austin loon Alex Jones HAS HAD IT with “Justin Biebler,” who is not at all cool like Tesla and Jefferson and Magellan. Bieber made us “stunted, weak, back-stabbing gibbering demons.” THIS IS PRETTY MUCH TRUE! [Alex Jones]

Wingnuts such as then-Congressman Virgil Goode bravely tried to stop dangerous Minnesota Muslim Keith Ellison from becoming America’s first Islamic U.S. Representative back in 2007, but Ellison outflanked them by taking his oath on the actual Koran owned by debt-ridden slaveholder and teabagger hero Thomas Jefferson. Now, Congressman Ellison and his “religion of peace” have […]

Some IDF soldiers did a funny dance while “on patrol” (trying to find flotillas to murder). This lighthearted music video makes everything better; it heals all wounds, big and small. [Telegraph] The Episcopal Church is angry at the U.S. Senate for saying derogatory things about deceased terrorist Thurgood Marshall, who happens to be an Episcopal […]

Ever since Thomas Jefferson blotted out “Supreme Soviet Koran” in the Declaration of Independence and used “Our Queen’s Loyal Subjects” instead, communistic-socialism has been the defining element of America. Usually, it’s the fear of communism more than the actual thing itself, as whatever modern global socialist benefits occasionally added to America (Social Security, Medicare, government-funded […]