Tag: thomas jefferson

what a drag it is getting sold

A Lot Of Americans Making Black Friday Green With Trips To Pot Stores. While Others…

Black Friday funtimes (and just a couple of deaths) hooray!

Joe Walsh Only Fingering His ‘Musket’ Because Thomas Jefferson Told Him To

Sometimes a call to arms is not a call to arms. Or maybe it is.

Sad Gary Johnson Can’t Name Any Foreign Leaders, Not Even Barack Hussein Obama

Gary Johnson is this campaign season's surprising comedy star

Kentucky Teabagger Gov. Says Your Grandbabies WILL HAVE TO DIE If Hillary Clinton Is Elected

Something about the 'blood of tyrants and patriots,' because teabaggers are nothing if not drama queens.

Stabby Ben Carson Says Violence Is Sometimes The Answer

Everybody is giving Donald Trump SO MUCH grief right now, just because his supporters are a bunch of violent, "poorly educated" thugs who hate everybody who's smarter and less filled with trans fat and bitterness than they are. But...
And that's how America was made!

Ted Cruz’s Fundie Dad Thinks God Did Bang-Up Job Writing U.S. Constitution

As we all know, Ted Cruz is running to be America's Top Preacherman, explaining how he'll save American Christians from being sent to jail for saying Jesus's name, and he'll also protect all the Jewish churches from homosexuals, too....
I've got a bad feeling about this...

Luke Skywalker Was A Jedi Jihadi, So Emperor Trump Banned Him: Your Saturday Nerdout

Are all you nerdlings ready for the big media frenzy surrounding that movie that comes out next Friday? We are, of course, talking about the most anticipated film of the year, the sequel to that beloved classic that there's...

Ben Carson Remembers That Time Ben Franklin Gave God A Beej

Brilliant brain doctor Ben Carson is not only great at butchering live baby parts in half (true story!), but he is also great at historical fiction. And not just the Bible kind, though that is his specialty. In October, Carson appeared on Jesus...

Ben Carson Big Fan Of Guy Who Did Constitution, Old Whatshisname

Brilliant neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson might not be "briefed fully" on how the rest of the world works, and his own advisers might be struggling making his brain smart on the "complex" foreign stuff, but when it comes to...
Say nutty things in a soft enough voice and you'll sound sane!

It’s Armageddon Time, And Only Ben Carson Can Save Us!

Ben Carson, having solved the problems of mass shootings and the Holocaust by explaining how to rush the shooters and/or fight off the SS using your handy hunting rifle, has moved on to weightier concerns, like the End Of...
Sawed-off shotguns: They're in the Constitution!

Here’s How The Second Amendment Has Prevented Tyranny Lately

While we know guns had nothing to do with the tragedy today that took the lives of Virginia TV station WDBJ reporter Alison Parker and cameraman Adam Ward, in addition to the suicide of the shooter, a disgruntled former...

Michele Bachmann Says Carly Fiorina Loves Muslims Too Much To Be President

Here is a thing that happened: We would never assume that former member of Congress and one-time presidential wannabe Michele Bachmann would automatically support Carly Fiorina for president, just because of how she is a batshit crazy conservative rightwing Republican...
Still stoked that Chris Hayes used this back in February.

Wingnuts Win! AP History Exam Will Only Pass Patriot Kids Who Know America Is Perfect

We're not sure it's as huge a capitulation as Barack Obama's complete surrender to Iran, but it looks like there may be Peace In Our Time in at least one theater of the Culture Wars. After a year of...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Channel Announces Blowout Sale, All Derp Must Go

August 1 is quittin' time for the Sarah Palin Channel, so the gang up in Wasilla is scrambling to move existing inventory. We've got three videos for you this week, one on gun rights and scary home invasions, one featuring...
Idea hat.

Nice Knowing Y’all, Louie Gohmert Says God’s Gonna Smite Us Now

Well, America, it's been a nice run, but it's all done now, you realize, because the Supreme Court did Gay 9/11 all over us today. And who knows that better than Texas Congress-ballbearing Louie Gohmert, who had dire warnings...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Says Obama Is World’s Weakest, Most Powerful Despot

On this week's Fartknocker Report, Sarah Palin can't seem to make up her mind. In a video published on April 7, Palin insists that we need a new constitutional convention because Barack Obama's tyranny has irrevocably broken the dreams of the...