Tag Archives: this week

  Lowry's Reasoned Assault

Ladies! National Review’s Rich Lowry Will Jam His Tongue Down Your Throat, For Freedom!

Never been forcibly kissed
National Review editor Rich Lowry would just like everyone to calm down, because there is no problem with sexual assault on college campuses. In an appearance on ABC’s This Week yesterday, he was just delighted to announce that, because there were problems with some of the reporting in Rolling Stone’s story on rape at University of Virginia, there is now actually no problem whatsoever with that fine institution. Lowry explained, Read more on Ladies! National Review’s Rich Lowry Will Jam His Tongue Down Your Throat, For Freedom!…
  our liberal media

Laura Inghraham To Bring Her Special Blend Of Hate And Stupid To ABC News

Hissing hate module Laura Ingraham will be joining the roundtable on ABC’s This Week With George Stephanopoulos, apparently because they need someone who’s got the guts to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington by cutting off a recording of a speech by John Lewis with the sound of a gunshot. Or maybe they need someone with a keen analytical mind that recognizes the uncanny parallels between Obamacare and standing in a car rental line. Or maybe she won the spot with her witty observation that Sonia Sotomayor prefers the term “undocumented immigrants” to “illegal aliens” because, as a Puerto Rican person, Sotomayor’s “allegiance obviously goes to her, you know, immigrant family background, not to the U.S. Constitution.” Beats us. Maybe Stephanopoulos just wants Ingraham to wear a red dress and sing “I like to be een A-mer-ee-ca!” Read more on Laura Inghraham To Bring Her Special Blend Of Hate And Stupid To ABC News…
  moynihan retort

George Will Explains How Single Moms Make Martin Luther King Jr. Cry

Windsor-knotted colostomy bag George Will took the occasion of the upcoming 50th anniversary of the March on Washington For Jobs and Freedom to explain that there’s a very simple reason that there’s an economic disparity between whites and blacks: Black ladies are birthin’ too many babies without a man in the hizzouse. On This Week With George Stephanopoulos, delightfully named WaPo journalist Dan Balz said, “We forget that this was the March for Jobs and Justice [sic] … There has been tremendous progress, there’s no question about that, in all the ways we’re talking about. But the persistence of the gap between white wealth and black wealth, white income and black income, is something that has stayed almost constant for the past two decades.” Nuh-uh, replied Will, dazzling the panel with the exact same analysis that he provided four weeks ago in discussing Detroit’s bankruptcy: “The events to which you refer were foreshadowed by something eight months after the march … A young social scientist from Harvard working in the Labor Department published a report. His name was Daniel Patrick Moynihan. He said, ‘There is a crisis in the African American community, because 24% of African American children are born to unmarried women.’ Today it’s tripled to 72%. That, and not an absence of rights, is surely the biggest impediment.” We were impressed by Will’s vast oversimplification of the 1965 “Moynihan Report,” as well as his simple faith that it was the only legitimate social science research ever to address the question. But what really got our attention was his subsequent proof of his mastery of causal relationships, in which he smashed an egg and did unspeakable things to a chicken. Read more on George Will Explains How Single Moms Make Martin Luther King Jr. Cry…
  the bitterest semen

George Will Promises Not To Masturbate To State of the Union

George Will likes politics, but he does not like politics when everyone is not wearing a top hat and legislators arrive to the Capitol by auto-mobile instead of Negro-drawn carriage. “Between Jefferson and Woodrow Wilson, no one delivered this in person. They sent their report to Congress in writing. But now we’ve turned this into this panorama in which—in an interminable speech, every president, regardless of party, tries to stroke every erogenous zone in electorate.” George Will does not like to be touched as such. He has already subjected himself to these types of relations in order to have children, and he will never waste his time in such a manner ever a-gain. Read more on George Will Promises Not To Masturbate To State of the Union…
  teevee in the news

WHY WE STILL MISS PAREENE: “I, for one, think Amanpour-to-This Week might be a dumb idea and a shame because we’re taking one of our very few television celebrities who does anything to educate television-watching Americans about foreign affairs and sentencing her to a career of eliciting canned responses from the same idiot elected officials. Seems like a waste of her experience and expertise. But she’s earned a rest from real journalism and CNN is an identity-less third-place joke, so ABC might be good for her.” [Gawker] Read more on …
  this week in job news

Christiane Amanpour Is Your New George Stephanopoulos!

In your continuing coverage of teevee anchors who work on shows you don’t watch, here’s some news on the foreign correspondent with the bangs and the weird accent! Christiane Amanpour, “the thinking man’s Scud Stud,” will replace George Stephanopoulos as the host of ABC’s “This Week.” Read more on Christiane Amanpour Is Your New George Stephanopoulos!…
  great-grandson of big fuckin' russ

HAHAHHA LUKE RUSSERT FOR ABC’S SUNDAY MORNING SHOW! Look everyone, unsubstantiated rumors from some ABC News employee about replacing George Stephanopoulos on This Week: “A prominent ABC political pundit said grabbing [Luke] Russert would be a major play to shake up the Sunday shows. Speaking on background, the pundit told Whispers: ‘It’s a great time to buck the tide and throw caution to the wind.'” Why is it a good time to do that? Anyway hopefully they do this, because it would be hilarious, all the funny clips we could play the next day… [US News] Read more on …
 

Chatology: Defining Victory Down

This Sunday’s shows undertook a major military operation. Between the anniversary of the invasion of Iraq and “Operation Swarmer,” talking heads all but saluted. Russ Feingold managed to grab some of the spotlight, and his motion to censure President Bush gave Bill Kristol another chance to rock Chris Wallace’s world: Feingold “is smarter than the Democratic congressional leadership” and “deserves credit for taking a principled stand, and I honestly think he’s winning this debate.” That sound you heard is Nancy Pelosi’s head exploding. Dick Cheney did “Face the Nation” but did not make much news beyond the world’s most awesome Freudian slip: “Most of my predecessors spent a good part of their time as President–Vice President running for President. Also, debuting this week on ABCNews.com was “The Green Room,” a brave attempt to wring every possible bit of hot air from the “This Week” panel while they stand around uncomfortably after the show wraps in the nondescript, motel-ish decor of ABC’s DeSale St. digs. Personally, I have always found pre-show green room chatter more interesting (everyone’s trying out their lines) and the whole thing strikes me as an empty attempt to show us another side of people who are basically one-dimensional, but I applaud this Taylorite approach to news content and hope that less practiced pundits do something stupid and/or inspired backstage in the future. Top topics: Iraq, Feingold’s censure motion and by extension the NSA wiretap program. One-hit wonders: Boston College’s Sweet Sixteen chances (“Meet the Press”); Joey Cheek, humanitarian (“This Week”); Mark McClellan, TREKKIE (“Fox News Sunday”) Quotes to live by: • Dick Cheney admits that shooting someone in the face is “one of those situations that’s difficult, that generates controversy.” • Chris Wallace, SUPER GENIUS: “It seems to me that the Senators who are most critical of [the NSA wiretapping] program are the ones who know the least about it.” • George Will lays it out: “We need to define victory down.” • Sam Donaldson is totally high: “Russ Feingold threw the long ball… but it might connect, as the Washington Redskins learned in the mid-70s.” Also, Shorter Chris Matthews Show: David Gregory observed that “George Bush is the George Clooney of Washington… but that’s a little bit of a patina.” Wha? Full rundown appears after the jump. Read more on Chatology: Defining Victory Down…
 

Chatology: No News Is… No News

This week’s Chatology is abbreviated due to illness on the part of the author and TOTAL FUCKING LACK OF NEWS. You thought circle jerking to the tune of “Cheney’s Got a Gun” was boring — at least people could feign some kind of disagreement over it. The Port World of Dubai deal sets up a debate between those who think the deal should definitely go through and those who think that it should go through after 45 days. Mean people suck. Ice cream is good. Also, Joe Biden was on. Read more on Chatology: No News Is… No News…
 

Chatology: Passing the Buck

In this edition of Chatology, Department of Homeland Security head Michael Chertoff pulls a half-Ginsburg, spinning through both Meet the Press and This Week. On various issues, Chertoff blames Michael Brown, Mary Matalin blames the media, Joe Lieberman blames Chertoff, Evan Bayh blames the Democrats, and David Gregory blames himself. Random wisdom from Ari Fleischer: “You can be right and still be bonkers.” Speaking of which: Cheney is “almost like the wizard dealing with the muggles” — Howard Fineman. Full rundown and highlights after the jump. [Ed. note: Don’t miss Ana Marie Cox’s appearance at the National Press Club, this Wednesday, February 22, at 6:30 PM. For more details, as well as information about how to obtain tickets to this free event, click here.] Read more on Chatology: Passing the Buck…
 

Chatology: Digesting the Sunday Spew

Citizens of Wonketteville, fear not. As we promised, your beloved Wonkette Emerita, Ana Marie Cox, will be making regular appearances in these pages. Last week, she liveblogged the SOTU. This week, she drops the science of “Chatology: Digesting the Sunday Spew,” a weekly round-up of the Sunday shows that will typically appear each Monday. (This week’s installment was held up for various technical reasons that we won’t bore you with — oh, and the Super Bowl had something to do with it too.) And now, without further ado, Ana Marie Cox. AMC: We worried that this was too late in the day for a recap of the Sunday shows, but, hell, you’re still watching that GoDaddy.com ad, anyway, aren’t you? [Ed. note: This was drafted on Super Bowl Sunday, in case you haven’t figured that out.] This week’s line-up: This Week, Fox News Sunday, The Chris Matthews Show, Meet the Press and Face the Nation. Guest Ginsburg Rating: Deputy director of national intelligence Michael Hayden gets a 2 out of 4, showing up on both “This Week” and “Fox News Sunday.” Rep. John Boehner ties, guesting on “FNS” and “Meet the Press.” What Everyone’s Talking About: 1. NSA wiretap program. All the shows hit it except for “Chris Matthews,” but he tapes on Friday afternoon and you know, this hasn’t really been in the news and no one knew the hearings were coming and plus he’s got to have time for his self-indulgent commentary at the end, so he’’s excused. 2. John Boehner’s election as House Republican leader. Again, 4 of 5 shows and again Matthews marching to a different beat. 3. SOTU detritus was hit by everyone but NSA and Boehner got more focus, so we’re dropping its ranking to three. 4. The “cartoon controversy,” which always sounds like it should be about Bill O’Reilly but it’s not. Played on everyone but Matthews (perhaps he doesn’t want to compete with “Hardball”) and “Face the Nation.” (This is the story they all should have led with). One hit wonders: “This Week” on girls’ self esteem (you go!), “FNS” on the surgeon general, “Chris Matthews” on “Brokeback Mountain” (apparently you can tell a lot about a country by the popular movie it produces), and “Face the Nation” on Nixon and outhouses. No shit. Quotes to live by: Mehlman says Hillary Clinton “seems to have a lot of anger” (especially around the issue of infidelity); Hayden pleads, “I can’t tell you how much I’d like to go into the operational details of this” (he also can’’t tell us how much he’d like to kill us if he did tell us); Boehner brags, “I have 11 brothers and sisters and my father owned a bar” (and don’t forget those 11 kids can still kick your weedy anchorman ass); Andrew Sullivan pines for “big daddy government” (preferably in leather). There were no appearances by Joe Biden. Could someone call his house? Comprehensive, even exhaustive, summary of yesterday’s non-sports-related showboating after the jump. Read more on Chatology: Digesting the Sunday Spew…