Tag: this week

Is This Lunatic Gay Loving Baby Killer Donald Trump’s VEEP? No, Not Newt Gingrich

Donald Trump's vice presidential contenders are all the hell over the place. He's considering everyone from that Cookie Puss, Chris Christie, to his daughter Ivanka maybe, now that his "short-list" of candidates has told him they didn't want things...

New Hampshire Paper Regrets Endorsing Chris Christie, Must Have Been Drunk

Sometimes you do really stupid stuff that seemed like a great idea at the time, but you come to regret: falling in love with a psycho who never returns your black T-shirt, getting a tattoo under your navel that...
President Ted Cruz (R-Not Really)

Republicans Lining Up To Punch Foreigner Ted Cruz Right In His Poutine Curds

Oh damn, all y'all. Things are not looking good for our hero, Cuban-Canadian Ted Cruz of Texas. And by hero, we mean actual skin sack of bile who deserves all the scorn and the rage and the gratuitous name-calling and face-punching....

Ben Carson: If Only We’d Drilled Baby Drilled, We Coulda Caught Osama Bin Laden

World-renowned neurosurgeon Ben Carson is still hitting the anaesthetics and rewriting history, and hoo boy, his latest installment is a real gas. On Sunday, Carson tried to explain to George Stephanopoulos comments he made during a Republican debate about how he...
The sleepiest little candidate

Ben Carson Has More Thoughts About Muslims. They Are Dumb, Racist Thoughts.

Last week, Ben Carson, who is currently just about tied with Donald Trump as the frontrunner for the Republican nomination, laid some of his doctorin' knowledge down about how we can't ever elect a Muslim president, because "Constitution" reasons....
Cool idea

Never Wrong Bill Kristol Has Just The Right GOP Dick To Beat Hillary Clinton

Smirking sack of hot air Bill Kristol offered some of his infallible logic and political acumen on Sunday's "This Week" with George Stephanopoulos: KRISTOL: If they get to nominate Hillary Clinton, why don't we get to nominate Dick Cheney? I...
I am a deeply stupid man, I am the biggest idiot, I am the worst governor of any of the states, and that is saying something.

Indiana Gov. Mike Pence: I Proudly Signed Some Anti-Gay Sh*t I Don’t Understand

Mike Pence Is Not Here To Answer Questions Indiana governor Mike Pence is either a deeply stupid man, or he's been convinced that the deeply stupid Good Christians of his state are truly facing dire harm from having to provide services...
Never been forcibly kissed

Ladies! National Review’s Rich Lowry Will Jam His Tongue Down Your Throat, For Freedom!

National Review editor Rich Lowry would just like everyone to calm down, because there is no problem with sexual assault on college campuses. In an appearance on ABC's This Week yesterday, he was just delighted to announce that, because...

Laura Inghraham To Bring Her Special Blend Of Hate And Stupid To ABC News

Hissing hate module Laura Ingraham will be joining the roundtable on ABC's This Week With George Stephanopoulos, apparently because they need someone who's got the guts to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington by cutting off...

George Will Explains How Single Moms Make Martin Luther King Jr. Cry

Windsor-knotted colostomy bag George Will took the occasion of the upcoming 50th anniversary of the March on Washington For Jobs and Freedom to explain that there's a very simple reason that there's an economic disparity between whites and blacks:...

Horrible Dragon Lady Liz Cheney Thinks Czechoslovakia Is Still A Thing

Before repeatedly using his deal with Satan to cheat death, former Vice President and It’s A Wonderful Life villain Dick Cheney brought spawn into the world and it immediately began saying horrible things that are false and stupid. Today,...

George Will Promises Not To Masturbate To State of the Union

George Will likes politics, but he does not like politics when everyone is not wearing a top hat and legislators arrive to the Capitol by auto-mobile instead of Negro-drawn carriage. "Between Jefferson and Woodrow Wilson, no one delivered this...

WHY WE STILL MISS PAREENE: "I, for one, think Amanpour-to-This Week might be a dumb idea and a shame because we're taking one of our very few television celebrities who does anything to educate television-watching Americans about foreign affairs...

Christiane Amanpour Is Your New George Stephanopoulos!

In your continuing coverage of teevee anchors who work on shows you don't watch, here's some news on the foreign correspondent with the bangs and the weird accent! Christiane Amanpour, "the thinking man's Scud Stud," will replace George Stephanopoulos...

HAHAHHA LUKE RUSSERT FOR ABC'S SUNDAY MORNING SHOW! Look everyone, unsubstantiated rumors from some ABC News employee about replacing George Stephanopoulos on This Week: "A prominent ABC political pundit said grabbing Russert would be a major play to...

Chatology: Defining Victory Down