Definitely not gay at all South Carolina Lieutenant Governor André Bauer, who has pledged not to run for governor if sex-having Gov. Mark Sanford resigns, so as to avoid any trace of string-pulling, has added some Modifications to this pledge. He has called on Sanford to resign IMMEDIATELY, but if he hasn’t done so within a month, then he will allow himself to run for governor. André Bauer is now praying to his gay French god (Howard Dean?) that Sanford resigns in 32 days, in which case there will be no evidence whatsoever of string-pulling or back-room deals. Not that we have any idea what this gaysack could offer Mark Sanford in exchange for a timely resignation. Anyway. [The State]

Bristol Palin’s ex-lover Levi Johnston — clad in his finest Kmart church outfit (from a kit) and sporting a 13-year-old’s pencil mustache — will appear on television’s Tyra Banks show on Monday, and this preview clip on the show’s website is worth watching. “Did you use protection, Levi?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Sometimes.” [Tyra Banks]

Guess who’s doing a Live Streaming Video Internet sexytime chat right now? Barack Obama! Jay Leno must’ve been all booked up today. It took your Wonkette about a dozen tries to get the White House site to load, but now it is working, finally. So, if you’re one of the 5-1/2 million people on unemployment currently watching Obama on this web thingy on the Internets because you have nothing else to do and Dish TV cut off your shows, well have fun. Maybe we will “liveblog” a “live chat,” maybe? Nah. But you can go search the submitted questions for stuff like “marijuana” — try “marijauna,” too. [White House]

This is what it was like in Soviet USSR Russia, we bet! The guy, on the teevee, every night. Five year plans, advancing upon the enemy stronghold, great progress made in the Martian Dirt Wars, etc. We don’t know FOR SURE about this, as we arrived in the USSR about two weeks after it officially ended — this is true! — and by then it was all tits & death metal on the RUBIN black-and-white set. Anyway, is the recession over yet? Has Komrade Obama talked it away, while his douche-bots in the East Room try to act like they understand anything beyond do-nuts and Twitter? MORE »

Here’s some “street video” of our nation’s own Gandhi/MLK, Rod Blagojevich, just chillin’ with his homies, outside his home. He yells “Yes We Can” in Spanish! A child (fake) asks if Rod will play hoops with the kids this summer! He quickly exploits this child for a photo op! It is a valuable fucking thing, this guy’s never-ending fall from grace. MARK OUR WORDS, Rod Blagojevich will compete on Dancing With the Stars. [YouTube]

Attorney Edward Genson has abruptly quit his role leading the Gov. Blago defense team two days before the idiot’s impeachment trial begins in the Illinois Senate. Instead of listing the standard “personal reasons” or a professional conflict of interest, Genson cites that JESUS CHRIST HOW DO YOU WORK WITH THIS IDIOT: “I never require a client to do what I say, but I do require them to at least listen.” MORE »