third parties

Republican candidates are all so awful that there’s a new frontrunner every week. Barack Obama, meanwhile, seems dedicated to little more than enraging his own supporters while also doing nothing about the economy while also turning America into a police-terror state. People are protesting! Times are terrible! Seems like we should probably just toss the […]

Yesterday, Mike Bloomberg and a motley crew of political failures like Charlie Crist, Mike Castle, and Blanche Lincoln converged for a major political announcement in New York City, which is, of course, our nation’s capital, and thus the place you go to make serious political announcements. Their announcement: They had formed “No Labels,” a group […]

Perhaps the only organization more press release-happy than is the Nader-Gonzalez campaign, and for that reason alone they should be dumped in a pit of half-rotten venomous snakes with Joe Lieberman and set on fire, slowly. But also! They have a new press release with statistics that show, somehow, that Ralph Nader will maybe […]

Ron Paul’s very special press conference has ended and, we regret to inform, it featured no “Tournament of Losers”-style death match among the various third-party candidates he invited. He totally copped out and endorsed three third-party candidates: Ralph Nader, Cynthia McKinney, and Chuck Baldwin. He was planning on endorsing Bob Barr, too, but selfish Barr […]

Look, Ron Paul, YOU WIN, FINE, YOU AND YOUR SUPPORTERS ARE GREAT, now will you please go away for a long time and play with your gold bricks, alone? Of course he won’t, which is why he’s making yet another “special announcement” tomorrow about some useless new thing he’s cookin’ up. He’s almost as bad […]

In the event that Iranian Space Monsters bomb everything in the entire world and Internet tonight except the National Press Club, you may consider attending its lecture tomorrow from this Presidential Candidate of the “Proudican” party, where he will explain his unique “prolutions,” which are either “progressive solutions” or “masturbatory conspiracy salons.” [National Press Club]