Tag Archives: third parties

  hey this sounds familiar

Nobody Likes GOP Or Obama, So Third Party Hero Will Waste Nation’s Time

Republican candidates are all so awful that there’s a new frontrunner every week. Barack Obama, meanwhile, seems dedicated to little more than enraging his own supporters while also doing nothing about the economy while also turning America into a police-terror state. People are protesting! Times are terrible! Seems like we should probably just toss the whole rotten system in the toxic waste dump and try again, maybe this time without … corporate-welfare/warfare capitalism? No no no, that is “too radical,” what we need is another ultimately unsuccessful Third Party Candidate to safely release the steam of rage from the national pressure cooker. It worked in the 1980s and the 1990s and all the way to 2000, heh heh. (Funny how Liberal Democrats kind of lost the taste for Third Party candidates after the GOP stomped back into the White House using Nader’s cover, right?) Read more on Nobody Likes GOP Or Obama, So Third Party Hero Will Waste Nation’s Time…
  bring back the whigs

‘No Labels’ Is Worst Ever Non-Political-Party Political Party

Yesterday, Mike Bloomberg and a motley crew of political failures like Charlie Crist, Mike Castle, and Blanche Lincoln converged for a major political announcement in New York City, which is, of course, our nation’s capital, and thus the place you go to make serious political announcements. Their announcement: They had formed “No Labels,” a group of politicians and such who don’t like partisan politics for one of two reasons: 1. They lost their Republican primary this year, or 2. They’re Democrats who either want to seem above their party or are afraid of Republicans. Mainly, everyone present wanted to know if they were a political party. “This is not a political party and I am not running for president,” Bloomberg said, basically. Then The New York Times‘ very own Slate intern Matt Bai said something dumb, and No Labels stole some intellectual property. Read more on ‘No Labels’ Is Worst Ever Non-Political-Party Political Party…
  spoilers

Nader Campaign Explains How They Will Not Hand Election To Republicans This Time

Perhaps the only organization more press release-happy than MoveOn.org is the Nader-Gonzalez campaign, and for that reason alone they should be dumped in a pit of half-rotten venomous snakes with Joe Lieberman and set on fire, slowly. But also! They have a new press release with statistics that show, somehow, that Ralph Nader will maybe siphon off McCain voters and give Barack Obama and even bigger lead in the general election. Huh? Read more on Nader Campaign Explains How They Will Not Hand Election To Republicans This Time…
  major endorsements

Ron Paul Embarrasses Phil Gramm At Press Conference

Ron Paul’s very special press conference has ended and, we regret to inform, it featured no “Tournament of Losers”-style death match among the various third-party candidates he invited. He totally copped out and endorsed three third-party candidates: Ralph Nader, Cynthia McKinney, and Chuck Baldwin. He was planning on endorsing Bob Barr, too, but selfish Barr didn’t want to share the blessing with his fellow losers and refused to show up. Ha ha, Bob Barr is in loser-denial. But Paul redeemed his hazy endorsement of these competing hippie agendas by revealing that Phil “Nation of Whiners” Gramm tried to force him into endorsing John McCain. And somehow Paul fended off his heroically persuasive powers! Read more on Ron Paul Embarrasses Phil Gramm At Press Conference…
  overlution

Oh Jesus, What Does Ron Paul Want Now?

Look, Ron Paul, YOU WIN, FINE, YOU AND YOUR SUPPORTERS ARE GREAT, now will you please go away for a long time and play with your gold bricks, alone? Of course he won’t, which is why he’s making yet another “special announcement” tomorrow about some useless new thing he’s cookin’ up. He’s almost as bad of an attention whore as Ralph Nader, who Paul has invited to tomorrow’s press conference. Cynthia McKinney too! Bob Barr too! Chuck Baldwin (the Constitutional Party candidate) too! What a depressing quintet of failure. Read more on Oh Jesus, What Does Ron Paul Want Now?…
 

Upcoming National Press Club Events: Meet The Proudicans!

In the event that Iranian Space Monsters bomb everything in the entire world and Internet tonight except the National Press Club, you may consider attending its lecture tomorrow from this Presidential Candidate of the “Proudican” party, where he will explain his unique “prolutions,” which are either “progressive solutions” or “masturbatory conspiracy salons.” [National Press Club] Read more on Upcoming National Press Club Events: Meet The Proudicans!…
 

Ralph Nader Saves America From Corporates

Very old consumer advocate Ralph Nader launched a third-party bid for the presidency again today, bringing a swift end to corporate welfare queens across America. Wear yr seatbelts! Nader, a 73-year-old hero, caved in order to stop Iraq wars and fix the economy. He “blamed tax and other corporate-friendly policies under the Bush administration that he said have left many lower- and middle-class people in debt.” Read more on Ralph Nader Saves America From Corporates…