Wonkette

The Paultards are onto us, the “addicts and derelicts.” We were only planning on going to the March drunk, not on drugs, although that sounds like a pretty good idea now that they’ve mentioned it. Anyway, we’ll have details for our 9 a.m. Saturday Paultardpalooza Pre-gaming by the end of the afternoon. If you’re interested in coming (most likely to a bar around Capitol Hill), please send an e-mail to tips@wonkette.com, with subject line “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS.” We just want to get a basic headcount. [Ron Paul Forums]

• SEND YOUR IDEAS FOR PAULTARDPALOOZA PRE-GAMING: We need more suggestions for our Wonkette Paultardpalooza Drinking Binge At Nine A.M. On Saturday Party. Here is one reader’s plan: “I don’t have a place where one can safely become intoxicated enough for a Paultard march that starts at 9am, but I know Glenmont Metro station’s still got a load of construction equipment on the top floor. It’s perfect for ‘pre-gaming’ before an literary assault on The Hill. Security there has been laid-off, and no one really goes to that end of the line that early on a Saturday, unless their hungover and trying to get stoned. The Stainedglass Pub is also right there, good bar food, cheap booze, layed back bartenders.” This all sounds fantastic, except for the fact that Glenmont is at the END OF THE RED LINE, a.k.a. Outer Space (”Maryland”). Oh, and to any Capitol Hill bars out there: If you open at 9 a.m. for us, we will give you all the publicity you ever wanted.

THIS JUST IN, HOT FROM THE E-MAIL PROGRAM: Ron Paul has something to say tonight hooray. You can watch it at Justin’s TV or whatever. What will he be Announcing? MORE »

Everyone is suddenly writing about this breaking new Paultard settlement called Paulville, and they have been sending us tips all day long about how “we’ll never believe it!” Oh, we do believe it, because we wrote about this exact thing six or seven weeks ago. C’mon folks, what site do you think this is? [Paulville]

It is April 30, D-Day, and this means that Ron Paul’s book hit Borders and Barnes & Noble and the -3 other book store chains across the globe over 17 hours ago! HOW MANY COPIES DO YOU HAVE ALREADY? We have three (million). It is the #1 bestseller on Amazon.com and out of 106 customer reviews, 104 have given it five stars, one has given it four stars and one fascist has given it three measly stars. The three-star review comes from “J. Davis” in San Diego, California. We assume that he was suspiciously found dead within minutes of posting his nuanced take. But what are the other members of the Ron Paul literati saying about the Manifesto? Let’s run through the best comments from Amazon.com! MORE »

Here are Ron Paul’s supporters, still leading the Ron Paul rEVOLution, on the lawn of the U.S. Capitol yesterday at a rally, gazing longingly at George Washington’s aluminum-tipped erect penis in the distance. Did you know that Ron Paul will also have a famous obelisk-cum-penis when he is president, again? More pictures of his concubines dancing the dance of Freedom, after the jump! MORE »

Wonkette operative “Cris” writes: “I was out running on the mall during my lunch break when I caught sight of a smattering of Paultards with obscenely huge Ron Paul 2008 signs on the lawn of the Capitol. Just as I was swinging by the lawn, a ‘Tard was introducing the founder of a web site called Liberty Phoenix. As the speaker took the stage, a little girl who was walking around the area with her father began to flap her wings and say ‘I’m a liberty phoenix, I’m a liberty phoenix!’ Her dad immediately said ’stop that’ and dragged her away. Apparently the FDA mandated that ‘Tard speak was unsafe for children 12 and under.” Hey, HILL PEOPLE, go and take a photo or seven of the Liberty Phoenix right now!

The Paultards, as you can see, are going to post “Liberty articles” to “the entrance to Congress” because “grant” asked them to. Grant has written some Declaration that divides the U.S. into land patents; whatever, we don’t know, and now we will copy-paste five arbitrarily comical paragraphs from it after the jump, because the fucker is burdensome. MORE »

This is very fun, it is a mash-up of all (well, a select few at least) stupid Paultards on the Internet’s YouTube. Is the War on Paultards over? Like Iraq, it will always come back. [YouTube]

Suburban operative “Carol” writes to Wonkette about the gathering storm: “I live in the suburbs outside Philadelphia, and all of a sudden, in the past week, Ron Paul for President signs are sprouting up everywhere. It’s like some evil gardener replaced all the daffodils with Ron Paul signs. What’s the deal? Do the Paultards not realize he’s out? Do they not care? Is this just some pitiful way to make the Republican primary in Pennsylvania worth a damn?” To answer in order: something, no, yes, Freedom. But what “Carol” sees is no coincidence, because today Ron Paul launched his campaign for Pennsylvania with a glorious speaking tour! MORE »

Here is a new Paultard gal who looks exactly like Ashley Alexandra Dupre, meaning she probably is Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Wait, who? Anyway, she has fascinating insight into Ron Paul’s relationship with the media, and she is also moving out of her apartment and finishing her current semester at school. Oh and for a split-second near the beginning, she is lying in a bathtub with bruises and cuts all over her face, smiling. [YouTube]

This lovely hamlet is a blueprint of the first proposed Paulville community, as created on Sim City 2000 MyMiniCity, and doesn’t it look Free! The Paultard-only “Paulville” is a hasty step to take, since Ron Paul still has an 80% chance of winning the Republican nomination and becoming president for life, again. Maybe it’s just a contingency plan, but here is how they describe the project on its website: “The goal of Paulville.org it to establish gated communities containing 100% Ron Paul supporters and or People that live by the ideals of freedom and liberty.” Many supporters have latched onto the first considered Paulville, in rural Texas, where they can hide from the Sheeple and elect Ron Paul president of the post office and World of Warcraft for centuries. MORE »

Yeah yeah, Barack Obama likes to talk about race. But have we forgotten about Freedom already? Fortunately the Ron Paul 3-D movie, The High Tide, has released a trailer. It is precisely what you imagine, except for the surprising lack of hobbits. That’s another story though, and we should stick on topic: Barack Obama may make every race like each other, but Ron Paul will drain the water out of New York City. MORE »