the south
Atlanta Teachers Save Newspaper Industry With Valiant Cheating Effort
The daily life of American children in 2011 is, at best, a tragedy. They are obese from inhaling Pop’em donuts in front of the teevee, knocked up from having slumber parties in the wilderness, and they are also only mildly literate. The obesity thing is Michelle Obama’s problem, but when it comes to education, the [...]
Already Way Down In 37th Place, American Life Expectancy Is Much Worse In the South, Texas, Etc.
How’s the “best health care system in the world” doing, these days? Uhh …. Large swaths of the United States are showing decreasing or stagnating life expectancy even as the nation’s overall longevity trend has continued upwards, according to a county-by-county study of life expectancy over two decades. In one-quarter of the country, girls born [...]
Tennessee Legislature Making It Illegal To Mention To Kids Gay People Exist
On Monday, Tennessee’s state House passed a bill to ban local laws that protect gay citizens from discrimination after the cesspool that is Nashville decided it would start considering gay people human beings of all things. (GAYS ARE A TYPE OF PLANT LIFE, NASHVILLE.) This is a fairly proactive approach to quelling equality before it [...]
Tennessee GOP Bravely Votes To Teach ‘Creationism’ In Public Schools
We’re not sure how this is news in Tennessee, where schoolteacher John Scopes lost the “Scopes Monkey Trial” (in both the state courts and the U.S. Supreme Court) back in 1925-26, but “Tennessee’s Republican-dominated House of Representatives has overwhelmingly passed a bill that would protect teachers who want to challenge the theory of human evolution.” [...]
Secessionist Arkansas State Rep: Confed. Flag ‘Symbol of Jesus Christ’
Hey, you know what’s happening in the year 2010? A guy recently elected to the state legislature in Arkansas is the local chairman of a secessionist organization and says the flag of the Confederacy is “a symbol of Jesus Christ,” which is interesting, because other people would say that thing is a symbol that there’s [...]
Coal Companies Kill Mountains, For Fun
Every day, President Obama wakes up beside Rahm Emanuel (they are both naked) and wonders how he can force you stupid fucks to retroactively abort your children. This is his primary goal, as Commander-in-Chief. And then he gets up and does other things. One of the things “he” (as in the slaves he employs) has [...]
Wingnut Website Offers ‘Politically Incorrect’ Book About Civil War
Are you bummed about not being able to own African slaves, both because of your permanently doomed financial condition and also the anti-state’s-rights 13th amendment to the Constitution? Well we hope you are enjoying being an angry old white slob with a moldy sofa on your porch! Also, you may want to “subscribe” to the [...]
Illiterate Southern ‘Vampire’ Offers Racial Advice
Last week your Wonkette posted some news about racism in Tennessee, because it was so shocking and rare and etc. Racism, in the South?! Many days later, this post drained all the way to the Internet’s southern parts, where a proud local man discovered the item in question, maybe on his ex-wife’s cousin’s ‘puter. He [...]
Skoal Rebel Turns On Jesus, Is Still Sad & Dull
Okay, this isn’t even funny anymore. This is just tragic, plus OMFG WHAT DID HE COUGH UP, UGH? “Jes’ sum chew.” When we are President, webcams will not be so casually distributed to Real Americans. This video is Not Safe for your brain/soul. [YouTube]
New Study Proves It: Two-Thirds of Americans Officially Fat
Huzzah for the Can-Do spirit of Americans, who continue to just pile on the pounds despite the nation’s crushed economy. Turns out you don’t need much money to become obese! And without jobs, Americans have more time than ever to sit in front of teevee eating another bucket of corn-syrup taco-ball cheezey-poop pasta-bowl Grease Dipperz™. [...]
Next Year’s Primaries to be Slightly Drunker Than Usual
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