Ooh la la! TIME magazine’s president of sadness, Mark Halperin, appears to be having the whack of his life right now, reading Sarah Palin’s book. Or at least someone Photoshopped to look like Mark Halperin is! (Fred Thompson??) What is the fake masturbating Mark Halperin/Fred Thompson computer robot discovering? MORE »

TIME magazine’s chief political sociopath Mark Halperin, who is right about most things, in politics, is urging readers of his The Page website to memorize Sean Hannity’s interpretation of Sarah Palin’s steamy resignation, oh boy. Sean Hannity says not to trust the media! Since such parameters would ostensibly include Mark Halperin, we agree with Sean Hannity. But what non-Hannity conclusions does Halperin include in the latest not-annoying edition of “HALPERIN’S TAKE,” not-annoyingly titled “9 Pieces of ‘Analysis’ About Sarah Palin’s Decision That Are Flat-Out Totally Wrong”? MORE »

You know what’s not funny? Political news outlets trying to be funny. Stop it. This thing, above? This stupid attempt at a Fark photoshop or whatever? No. Stop it. Mark Halperin aka The Page, of TIME Magazine? Actually the opposite of funny. You are paid, presumably, to cover the news about Washington politics — information, details, that sort of thing. What the fuck, really? Will TIME just start making up cover stories? Have fake columnists and whatever? It’s Meta! MORE »

Hey you know who has been douchier than usual in the last couple of days is that Mark Halperin, the famous political reporter who thinks he knows everything but is always wrong. His website has all sorts of useful information — campaign press releases, teevee schedules, etc. — but also a constantly updated cycle of crap predictions. This edition of “Halperin’s Take” is the worst thing anyone has ever written about politics. And yesterday he predicted that billion-year-old Republican Sen. Dick Lugar would be Obama’s pick. WTF? And don’t forget this gay little stunt too, in which he mocks political reporters who like to spread the shit without any factual basis. Projecting much? God he is a twit. Why are we even writing about this twit? Who? [The Page, HuffPo]

Exit polls, we got exit polls, check out these peculiar exit poll figures. Barack’s continuing to cut into her base — “working class” people, and chicks — but Hillary’s retaining everyone’s grandmother. But on the “top quality” for voters, experience, Hillary trounces him with 95% of voters who care about that. Also, it was snowing in Wisconsin, so only snow leopards, evergreen trees and dire hobbits were able to vote. [The Page]

Hillary Clinton lost Georgia, 60% to 37%. How does the crazy lady explain this? Answer: “Fuck Georgia.” Official talking points after the jump! MORE »

President Bob Dole’s letter to Rush Limbaugh has pissed off shiny robot Mitt Romney, and this morning he responded in typical Mittens fashion on Fox & Friends by making fun of Dole. John McCain demands an apology! Ha ha, these fucking people. MORE »

*SO YOU’RE SAYING HE WILL DROP OUT?:* From The Page: “Giuliani expected to endorse McCain, as early as Wednesday — in Los Angeles or Simi Valley.” The story references its source as “SOURCES.” [The Page]

Earlier this week, Hillary Clinton hopped on a jet plane and peaced the eff out of South Carolina, where she’ll probably lose because of all the black people, to get her national campaign ready for Super Tuesday on February 5. This is called “lowering expectation,” although she did abandon her co-candidate husband and mute daughter in South Carolina to continue fake-campaigning. Yet today, the psyched-out Obama campaign sent out a memo outlining Hillary’s apparent strategy to “win” South Carolina. MORE »

Being a political insider, golly, that must be neat. Oh, and to Ms. Kelly: No shit. [The Page]

I went to find important political information regarding the Michigan race on The Page, the news-aggregation website led by horserace political journalism guru Mark Halperin. Instead I found his “PageCast” which just has him in a robe. This clearly bodes well for Ron Paul in the Michigan, the Penis State. [The Page]