Tag Archives: the onion

  Here have some news n stuff

Parents Let Kids Walk Around Neighborhood Unsupervised, Are Terrible Parents Obviously

But where are the parents?!?
There are terrible parents who do terrible things to their children, and they probably shouldn’t be parents and should not have children. Like parents who beat the ever-lovin’ crap out of their kids (yes, even if they are sportsball stars). Or make baby pose with a gun because LOL, it’s not loaded, what could go wrong? And they deserve to have jackbooted thugs take their children away from them. And then there is idiotic stuff like this: Read more on Parents Let Kids Walk Around Neighborhood Unsupervised, Are Terrible Parents Obviously…
  god hates dumbs

Maricopa Vice Mayor Likes Fred Phelps And Doesn’t Like Fred Phelps Yet Hasn’t Heard Of Fred Phelps

We’re actually going to need to build some sort of timeline to cover all the dumb in this story. You will recall that Fred Phelps died, which you knew because you do not live in a cave. And then there was the inevitable and obligatory fake Onion obituary, which praised Phelps for stopping the march of gay rights forever. Again, you knew this was satire, because you do not live in a cave. Maricopa Arizona vice mayor Edward Farrell apparently does cave-dwell, so he wrote a Facebook post with a link to the Onion obit and praising Phelps. Read more on Maricopa Vice Mayor Likes Fred Phelps And Doesn’t Like Fred Phelps Yet Hasn’t Heard Of Fred Phelps…
  May All Your Memes Come True

Internet Wants To Buy Old Handsome Joe Biden A Trans Am For Teh Lulz, Charity

You know that one Onion story that’s nearly mandatory in any discussion of the general awesomeness of Old Handsome Joe Biden, right? (Frankly, we doubt we even needed to link to it, but it’s a habit by now.) You probably also know that Biden knows about the meme, and thinks it’s “hilarious,” right? You might even know that Joe Biden is something of a motorhead in real life, and owns a 1967 Corvette that the Secret Service won’t let him drive — “It’s the one thing I hate about this job. I’m serious.” So now, some goofballs from Fark have started a campaign to buy Joe Biden an actual white Trans Am like the one in the Onion piece, for the Lulz. Read more on Internet Wants To Buy Old Handsome Joe Biden A Trans Am For Teh Lulz, Charity…
  great moments in congressional internetting

Rep. John Fleming Shocked By Abortionplex Scoop In ‘The Onion’

Look, Rep. John Fleming is too busy putting food on the table with his $400,000 business income (after food expenses and all other expenses) to know that THE ONION is a satire publication and there are no plans for an $8 Billion Abortionplex in the works, as of now. Read more on Rep. John Fleming Shocked By Abortionplex Scoop In ‘The Onion’…
  idiots

Michelle Malkin Hated Onion Hostage Joke Because It Lacked Democrats

The Onion put out a series of “breaking news” tweets narrating an escalating Capitol Hill hostage situation perpetrated by Republican members of Congress (GET IT??), which the Capitol Police decided to treat as actionable cause for TOTAL PANIC because “satire” is not covered in the police training manual. Hooray, Earth is now sentenced to have a Serious Internet Discussion with itself about whether or not comedians should be Gitmo’d or just gang-raped for making jokes about John Boehner and Eric Cantor being deranged maniacs. And while most of the news media is complaining that the joke is in poor taste because it ruined their fun thwarted toy airplane plot news cycle, shrill right-wing nutjob Michelle Malkin thinks the joke is in poor taste because these libtard comedians made their fake hostage scenario featuring the wrong party of legislators. Read more on Michelle Malkin Hated Onion Hostage Joke Because It Lacked Democrats…
  important announcements regarding your wonkette

New Wonkette Writer Jack Stuef And Senator-Elect-to-Be Alvin Greene: Hopey Change You Can Believe In

If you have been checking the authors of posts on your Wonkette this week — and you have, because writers know that everybody pays a lot of attention to bylines — you will have noticed there is a new guy. Yes! The time has come! The torch has passed, etc.! Read more on New Wonkette Writer Jack Stuef And Senator-Elect-to-Be Alvin Greene: Hopey Change You Can Believe In…
  teevee comedy

What Will Obamazombies Do Now?!

Here is your funny video report from The Onion, about the crushing sadness of Obama volunteers who now have to … who knows? What do people do, anyway? [The Onion]
  prescience

The Onion Predicted ‘Joe The Plumber’ Crap

Yup, a 1993 page from the 1999 Onion book Our Dumb Century with this article and subhed, “Nation Eagerly Awaits Ohio Man’s Profound Insights Into Current Events.” See, everyone, just make up a story — type any random crap in your comments about anything, just try it! — and American capitalism can make it happen. [The Onion via BoingBoing] Read more on The Onion Predicted ‘Joe The Plumber’ Crap…
 

Area Protester Fooled by Satire

Faithful reader Sean spotted this intrepid protester outside the McPherson Square metro this morning. The lady is quite upset about the administration’s plans to re-hang Saddam “Suddan” Hussein — plans she presumably read about in The Onion. U.S. To Re-Hang Saddam Hussein [The Onion] Read more on Area Protester Fooled by Satire…
 

‘The Onion’ DC Reception

As you may have heard, The Onion now has a DC edition. And because one party celebrating this wasn’t nearly enough, they threw another one last Wednesday. This one was a slightly classier occasion, with a more exclusive guest list and much classier venue: the Folger Shakespeare Library. Read more on ‘The Onion’ DC Reception…
 

The Onion Launch Party

The Onion, America’s only readable newspaper, has opened a DC branch. And whenever anyone does anything in DC, they need to throw a party or two. The first two Onion parties was held last Thursday at the Black Cat. We went, because the Black Cat is within walking distance and they were nice enough to put us on the list. Read more on The Onion Launch Party…
 

DC Will Finally Get Local ‘Onion’ Paper … Published by Washington Post

We’ll spare you the Main Stream Media Blog Jokes (“At least the Onion admits to being a liberal anti-American hate bible!”) and just announce the happy news that Washington is finally getting its own local version of The Onion. The WaPo will print, distribute and sell ads for the humor weekly — which also has a nice fat local listings and entertainment section in other cities such as Los Angeles and Chicago. Read more on DC Will Finally Get Local ‘Onion’ Paper … Published by Washington Post…
 

Gossip Roundup: Dennis Moore Rides Again

* Reliable Source: Amy Holmes was on The View and didn’t even get in any fights with the shouty liberals… More Bush Twins fun in South America. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: The Onion runs one of their trademark fake columns, bylined with the name of real-life Rep. Dennis Moore. Moore, sadly, is a good sport about it… Rep. Adam Putnam (age 8) calls Rep. Eric Cantor “a great wingman.” Cure the Post Style section … Buy the campaign crap of losers on eBay. [Examiner] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Dennis Moore Rides Again…
 

You Can’t Handle the Truth! Or, For That Matter, A Defecating Dog

Check out this entertaining but rejected Super Bowl commercial, for an outfit called QuietAgent.com. Then read the amusing rejection letter (note: pdf file), from Kathryn Tunis of ABC. The network objected to, among other things, a scene of “a dog squatting to go to the bathroom” — standing up and lifting one leg would have been okay — as well as the image of a “husky elderly man in a thong.” If this older gentleman were thinner, perhaps we’d be seeing him on our televisions this Sunday! Read more on You Can’t Handle the Truth! Or, For That Matter, A Defecating Dog…
 

Area White House Disappoints

So this may be how the Miers nomination got through: Late last month, the White House was embroiled in a complicated legal battle that drew the attention of chief aides and erupted in a furious exchange of letters. They were worried, they were distracted, they were trying to get The Onion to stop using the Presidential Seal, lest readers believe that the satirical site have official “presidential support or endorsement.” Read more on Area White House Disappoints…