Tag: the onion

Two great tastes that go great together...

Senate Sunday: Louisiana Won’t Be Electing David Duke To US Senate. Sorry Racist Scumbags!

Son of a gun, too many idiots run, on the Bayou.

Dead Breitbart Appalled By Hillary Staffer’s Dirty F*cking Potty Mouth

If there's one thing we can all agree on at Wonkette, it's that the only thing worse than a lady is a cusser. Make that a cussing lady and we run for the hills! So we empathize with what Dead...
Up to no good, maybe or maybe not

President Hillz Will Do Such Sexy Things To Your Infrastructure, Baby

If you get a little tingle in your panties at the thought of five-year plans (ooooh) to invest billions of dollars (yeah, baby, yeah) to modernize our nation's infrastructure (OH YES, RIGHT THERE!), here is some Not Safe For...
A power bottom for your gay love, and also your dollars.

Ted Cruz Challenges Rapscallion ‘President’ Obama To Fight Club Him To Death

OH MY STARS, there is going to be a duel on the White House lawn at high noon, and it is going to be PEW PEW! and big man arms flexing and afterward all the women will be sexed...
Borned stupid.

Pretty Sure Bobby Jindal Just Said Ted Cruz Gives Donald Trump Snail Blowjobs

Sea snail blowjobs to exact. LIMPET blowjobs. Yes, Bobby Jindal, a presidential candidate in only the loosest sense of the word, seems to be trying to get somebody, ANYBODY, to give him attention in advance of tonight's presidential debate,...
DJ Pootsalot

Moby Says You Can Eat That Cheeseburger, As Long As You Never Shower Again

It's time for another edition of Adorable Liberals Coming Up With Cute Ways To Fix Real Problems. You see, California ain't got no water, because of a drought, because there are too many people living there for the meager...
Not a hate group leader.

Wingnuts Outraged Juggalos And Fox News Classified As Hate Groups, Except They Weren’t

When you are a wingnut, you know several things about life: Nobummer is a Muslin; you are NOT EITHER racist; and mean liberals call you a dumb bigot, just because you're a dumb bigot. They REALLY hate it when...
But where are the parents?!?

Parents Let Kids Walk Around Neighborhood Unsupervised, Are Terrible Parents Obviously

There are terrible parents who do terrible things to their children, and they probably shouldn't be parents and should not have children. Like parents who beat the ever-lovin' crap out of their kids (yes, even if they are sportsball...

Maricopa Vice Mayor Likes Fred Phelps And Doesn’t Like Fred Phelps Yet Hasn’t Heard Of Fred Phelps

We're actually going to need to build some sort of timeline to cover all the dumb in this story. You will recall that Fred Phelps died, which you knew because you do not live in a cave. And then...

Internet Wants To Buy Old Handsome Joe Biden A Trans Am For Teh Lulz, Charity

You know that one Onion story that's nearly mandatory in any discussion of the general awesomeness of Old Handsome Joe Biden, right? (Frankly, we doubt we even needed to link to it, but it's a habit by now.)...

Rep. John Fleming Shocked By Abortionplex Scoop In ‘The Onion’

Look, Rep. John Fleming is too busy putting food on the table with his $400,000 business income (after food expenses and all other expenses) to know that THE ONION is a satire publication and there are no plans for...

Michelle Malkin Hated Onion Hostage Joke Because It Lacked Democrats

The Onion put out a series of "breaking news" tweets narrating an escalating Capitol Hill hostage situation perpetrated by Republican members of Congress (GET IT??), which the Capitol Police decided to treat as actionable cause for TOTAL PANIC because...

New Wonkette Writer Jack Stuef And Senator-Elect-to-Be Alvin Greene: Hopey Change You Can Believe In

If you have been checking the authors of posts on your Wonkette this week -- and you have, because writers know that everybody pays a lot of attention to bylines -- you will have noticed there is a new...

What Will Obamazombies Do Now?!

Here is your funny video report from The Onion, about the crushing sadness of Obama volunteers who now have to ... who knows? What do people do, anyway?

The Onion Predicted ‘Joe The Plumber’ Crap

Yup, a 1993 page from the 1999 Onion book Our Dumb Century with this article and subhed, "Nation Eagerly Awaits Ohio Man's Profound Insights Into Current Events." See, everyone, just make up a story -- type any random crap...

An Entire Panel of Larry Kings