Wonkette

This morning, the wack-jobs over at ABC’s “The Note” threw down the gauntlet: MORE »

Halperin and co. inadvertently reveal Tom DeLay’s cunning plan to preserve the Republican majority:

Alternatively: Nice to know someone else is as hungover as we are today. MORE »

See, this is why we don’t let well-meaning liberals read The Note. It just upsets them: MORE »

By day, Jeff Zeleny is the wunderkind of the Chicago Tribune’s Washington bureau. By night, Zeleny is… running a flourishing business selling stuff on eBay? MORE »

We weren’t going to bother today, but their tireless insistence that people really oughtta care about whatever the hell Bush is going on about this week is kinda cute. MORE »

In trying to explain why it took him so long to inform the public about his shooting of Harry Whittington, Dick Cheney has offered the excuse that the story was “complicated.” While taking last week’s newspapers to the recycling bin today, we came across this discussion of the Cheney shooting incident in KidsPost, the Washington Post’s page for children: MORE »

Actually, today The Note doesn’t need decoding. Today The Note gets honest. Here’s an excerpt: MORE »

More fun with The Note! Today’s their wacky quiz, in which all the answers, hilariously, are Zero! After a couple pointed barbs at cable television: MORE »

A Deep Cover Wonkette Operative notes The Note’s rather far-flung search for positive reactions to last night’s Big Speech: MORE »

We tried, honestly, on what promises to be our swan song in Wonkette guest-blogging, to lay off the devoted practitioners of the Halperinite Tendency over at ABC. Be gracious in retiring, we told ourselves; spare a kind word, or at least a circumspect silence for the language-mangling media elitists who thrill to each fresh beat of Dan Bartlett’s heart. But our better angels did not conquer. As we let our eyes rest on the practiced vacuities slithering out of the many-fingered beast that is Team Note, we could remain silent no longer. Consider, first of all, today’s Notely overture:
There is some elaborate seasoned-pol style throat clearing to the effect of “the Clinton White House was leaky; the Bush one not so much.” Only, you know, delivered in three hundred so words of preening self-congratulation, for having been so close to so many powerful apparatchiks for so long. Then, the irrelevant, though no less irritating aside:

Out goes the elaborate lede we had written based on yet another leak (the early reviews of Tim Kaine’s State of the Union response preps, which we will save for a non-rainy day). Instead here is our insider report on this morning’s White House senior staff meeting.

Yes, because the lead (or, if you must, Note, “lede”) you have selected instead is so much less fucking elaborate. And correct us if we are wrong, but aren’t you all publicly congratulating yourselves for receiving a White House-orchestrated piece of pre-debate smear in the classic Rove-Bartlett vintage? This tickles your pride as journalists how, exactly?

More Notely questions after the jump.

MORE »

We didn’t make it past the Note’s hilarious fake Iraqi election exit poll. The one they funded by selling off on “vintage, eBay-ready Note Notebooks.” Complete with fake exit poll hotline! There will likely be fake results! Not unlike 2004. MORE »

We asked you people how you thought Lucky Strike’s local media bowling challenge would play out and have received…well…let’s call it “many” predictions:

•The reporters from the Post will cheat, then write a thousand word rumination about falling standards of integrity in the bowling world.
•George Will, in the end, is too blue-blooded to deign to be caught bowling, even at Lucky Strike.
•The staff of the Washingtonian just won’t be able to get over how fun! and original! and cheap! this sport is! They will decide to go bowling several times a year, and always in the exact same way.
•Dana Milbank bowls a 75, because he is a pussy.
•The Examiner’s will be escorted out of the bowling alley when no one agrees to vouch for whether or not they are a media outlet. [I'd be surprised, actually, if they could deal with a game that requires them to use a black ball to knock over white pins. --Ed.]
•The Washington Times staff will get drunk, then start suspiciously eyeing any hispanics working at the alley.
•and of course, Cokie Roberts will bring her own ball, natch.

Wonkette’s predictions, after the jump:

MORE »

That thin blanket of snow that fell on Washington last night may have been sufficient enough to keep some kids home from school, but over at The Note, pretentious affectation refuses to take a holiday. Summoning their augurs to slice open the innards of their tired, be-googled simians to look for signs and portents and deliver up a stupefyingly, too-clever-by-half screensaver of banality called “The Five Basic Rules of Politics.”

Ye Gods, I call on you to bring forth a bounty of a million spoons, and, so appearing, please, do gag me.

THE FIVE BASIC RULES OF THE PHONED-IN NOTE LEDE:

MORE »