“A new Gallup Poll finds about one in six Americans, including similar proportions of Republicans and Democrats, indicating they would not support their party’s nominee for president if that person were a Mormon…. According to the Dec. 6-9 Gallup survey, Americans are about as likely today (80%) as they were in March (77%) to say they would vote for a Mormon if their party nominated someone of that faith for president. At that time, 19% said they would not vote for a Mormon presidential candidate.” Well, if a 20-minute speech at 10:30 on a random-ass Thursday morning can’t change peoples’ prejudices, then maybe an explanation of magic underpants can!! [Gallup]

There’s a lot of hullabaloo on the Internets about Romney posing to look like JFK during his JFK speech yesterday. But that’s impossible, because JFK was a gay liberal baby-killing Demrat (except for the whole hawkishness thing). So we’re taking this question of lookalikes to the polls, and have included a couple more options: Joseph Smith, the Mormon doppelganger candidate, and Ben Johnson, the Beef Jerky And Toiletries doppelganger candidate. Vote (post haste!), after the jump. MORE »

While magic underpants was our first preference for Mitt Romney’s “Faith in America” speech topics, our secret second was the Mormon cricket, a species of “bug” out West-ish. The Mormon cricket has swarmed numerous small burgs and hamlets with its polygamous agenda over the years, and it too refuses to acknowledge that waterboarding is torture. After the jump, a brief history of the flip-flopping creature, as well as some disturbing footage of what happens When Mormon Crickets Attack!!!!

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Mitt Romney’s “Faith in America” speech this morning demonstrated that while he doesn’t intend to convert American democracy into Mormonism, he does intend to convert it into religion in general. So… that’s good! -ish? He mentioned Mormonism only once, but not in reference to his underpants. Or to why anyone would ever become a Mormon. MORE »

Mitt Romney’s big “Faith in America” speech airs at 10:30, and there’s only one thing we’d like him to address (see headline). This guy has one last fucking chance for respectability, and that can only come through a thorough discussion of his underwear.

We’re curious as to how Romney’s dealing with the anxiety. After the jump, a video of Romney and sons’ Wedding Crashers-esque fun time before last week’s debate. (Hint: It makes you hate him more.) MORE »