HEY YOU GUYS: Please DO NOT FORGET to say “goodbye forever” to the moon tonight. Tomorrow at like six in the morning NASA will bomb it to death. Recall the moon’s distinguished history: It has orbited around our planet, America, for the last ~2009 years, when Jesus Christ gifted all the celestial bodies, which he wrapped with the Constitution, to Thomas Jefferson & Ronald Reagan in Center City. Since then it has been everyone’s favorite. The moon shares nothing. It is a sea.

Barack Obama had a cosmology-themed children’s gala on his lawn last night, wherein he invited 150 local middle schoolers to come over and check out his bitchin telescopes, but not in a braggy way. Buzz Aldrin and Sally Ride were there too! Obama said some Obama-y things about how kids can become scientists; NASA was tangentially involved and somehow neither devolved into histrionics nor launched a missile at Earth’s moon, the Moon. It was, unarguably, the single most successful event to take place at the White House during our time or any other. [The Swamp]

It is actually a beautiful, sunny day in Washington D.C., in the freezing winter! The people are hopey, happy, etc. Allah really does want this Barack Obama character to become president, of Earth. Let us now continue the patriotic liveblogging of this Inauguration Day Inaugural Special, from Washington, where somehow another Bush is not becoming president today. MORE »

I hear that model of the space shuttle is “missing” too.

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