HEY, CINDY McCAIN, LET’S MEET ON THE BEACH & TAKE PILLS TOGETHER: Your editor will soon kiss the Mexican Border for good luck (and magic Swine Flu immunity) and begin walking 1,200 miles up the coast of California, for art. MORE »

Oh, America, what will we do without our Long National Election Nightmare? We’ll do what we always do: Gossip, “scoops,” Joe Biden gaffes, etc. Joe Lieberman! That will be funny, whatever happens to old anus-face. And we’ve already lost so many seemingly irreplaceable human jokes, and it turned out that they were all immediately forgettable, too: Drunken Jenna & Barbara, Krazy Katherine Harris, folksy moron “Hollywood Fred” Thompson, rat-faced fascist Rudy Giuliani in his ladies’ clothes, gay instant-message masturbator Mark Foley, all the hilarious racists such as Jesse Helms and Zell Miller and Trent Lott, etc. So we’ll soon forget all the dumb-ass attention whores who amused us this year, too. Let’s start saying good-bye, together. MORE »

Did you hear? It is my last day as your Wonkette editor! On Monday, I’ll sit down at the same goddamn computer and log into the same goddamn screwy blogging engine to continue to write for the same goddamn English billionaire Tory, but it will be for a site called “Gawker.com” instead. So to celebrate, I’m just gonna tell two brief stories of nutty DC types who helped make this gig miserable, in a “funny” way. Join me in saluting Karen Feld and Tucker Carlson!

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