Tag Archives: the long goodbye

  great moments in campaign brilliance

Ron Paul Plots New Democracy-Lite Path To Convention Glory

American democracy’s most persistent old fart Ron Paul has announced that he no longer cares for democracy per se in the traditional sense of trying to “win votes” from “voters,” because this is a hard thing to do, when your platform is mostly insane. “We will no longer spend resources campaigning in primaries in states that have not yet voted,” sayeth Doctor Congressman Paul, who will instead focus henceforth on a cheaper alternative to never not running for president, that of trying to stir up shit at state nominating conventions by pilfering delegates that he will ransom for a speaking spot or some other sexy consolation prize at the RNC convention in Tampa. Video of said shit being stirred, after the jump! Read more on Ron Paul Plots New Democracy-Lite Path To Convention Glory…
  what we've lost

A Children’s Treasury of McCain Nostalgia

Oh, America, what will we do without our Long National Election Nightmare? We’ll do what we always do: Gossip, “scoops,” Joe Biden gaffes, etc. Joe Lieberman! That will be funny, whatever happens to old anus-face. And we’ve already lost so many seemingly irreplaceable human jokes, and it turned out that they were all immediately forgettable, too: Drunken Jenna & Barbara, Krazy Katherine Harris, folksy moron “Hollywood Fred” Thompson, rat-faced fascist Rudy Giuliani in his ladies’ clothes, gay instant-message masturbator Mark Foley, all the hilarious racists such as Jesse Helms and Zell Miller and Trent Lott, etc. So we’ll soon forget all the dumb-ass attention whores who amused us this year, too. Let’s start saying good-bye, together. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of McCain Nostalgia…
 

Two Names That I Can Hardly Stand to Hear

Did you hear? It is my last day as your Wonkette editor! On Monday, I’ll sit down at the same goddamn computer and log into the same goddamn screwy blogging engine to continue to write for the same goddamn English billionaire Tory, but it will be for a site called “Gawker.com” instead. So to celebrate, I’m just gonna tell two brief stories of nutty DC types who helped make this gig miserable, in a “funny” way. Join me in saluting Karen Feld and Tucker Carlson! Read more on Two Names That I Can Hardly Stand to Hear…