See, this is why we haven’t kicked Texas out of the union (yet): because sometimes Texans do funny things for us to laugh at. For example: unofficial Republican gubernatorial candidate Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison has a web site that contained tasty little hidden phrases like “rick perry gay” that Governor Rick Perry’s people did not like so much. MORE »

Oh hey did you hear crazy dwarf-alien Kim Jong-Il has been shooting rockets into the sea, by North Korea? No? ARE YOU SILLY AMERICANS SO OBSESSED WITH THE DEATH OF KING-POP MICHAEL JACKSON AS TO NOT FOLLOW NORTH KOREA’S MIGHTY THREATS? Well, Lil’ Kim wants you to know he is twice as weird as Wacko Jacko, with the additional freaky habits of kidnapping regional movie stars and starving his people, because why not, right? Dwarf motherfucker got to have his Cristal & ‘hos. MORE »

LARRY CRAIG FINALLY HAS INTERNET FRIENDS! One of you noticed Gay Larry Craig had no virtual pals on this FreedomSpeaks site, so a bunch of you people went over there and kindly befriended the Idaho Bathroom Goblin. Who says chivalry is dead? [FreedomSpeaks]

Hey, so here’s something fun to do this Monday morning: Go to either presidentbillclinton.com or williamclinton.com. You know, like Hillary’s husband. At either you can read all about… Barack Obama?! Indeed, as of now, these two URLs redirect to BarackObama.com. The President Bill is not going to be pleased with his Internets.

Europe is stunned: it seems that some terrorists might not be swarthy Arab types! Some might even be pretty girls! This is leading them to think about giving up on profiling when it comes to identifying potential terrorists. Thankfully, we don’t have to have that conversation here in the US of A. Our realistic depictions of terrorism on television and in movies have conclusively proved that terrorists are either really foreign-looking or played by John Malkovich. MORE »

As of right now (5:01 PM), the WP’s website is all not available and shit. Sure, there’s the possibility that they let their domain name lapse again, but we like to think it’s the avalanche of anonymous sources trying to tell Dana Priest where Bush has hidden Osama. MORE »