Tag Archives: the internets

  video catastrophes

Here Is Your 2011 Demon Sheep Ad, This Time With Chupacabras

There is that saying, about imitation and flattery and whatever, but all we know is that here is another insane campaign commercial starring a bunch of demon creatures, not unlike the beloved Demon Sheep of Carly Fiorina, circa 2010. This strange video does not really come close to being that terrifying, but it is still bizarre and confusing, because since when does Bigfoot live in Texas, first of all? Read more on Here Is Your 2011 Demon Sheep Ad, This Time With Chupacabras…
  stupid

Oh, Apparently There Is A Video Game About Murdering Tea Party Zombies

Your Wonkette is not tremendously interested in violent shoot-em-up video games as a rule, because we are always “reading the Internet” — whatever that means — something we can accurately say spews a lot more horror and abortion at unsuspecting brain cells than the bloodiest video games on the market. So we are a little “meh” about this half-baked “Tea Party Zombies Must Die” ‘puter game some bored programmer posted online to allow bored murder-inclined leftists to virtually mow down undead Tea Party hobbits as what, a tired joke, we suppose? Read more on Oh, Apparently There Is A Video Game About Murdering Tea Party Zombies…
  jobs that get harder by the day

Postal Workers Will Cease to Exist Thanks to the Internet

If you are still somehow alive after tonight’s episode of “Which Escaped Mental Patient Will Lead America to Hell?” then, well, congratulations, and also you should know that while you were being hypnotized by Michele Bachmann’s laser eyes and reading about it on the Internet, you were also helping to murder the U.S. Postal Service. Read more on Postal Workers Will Cease to Exist Thanks to the Internet…
  twitter in real life

President Obama Will Hold Twitter Town Hall, Without Twitter

It is the middle of a Wednesday, so our President wants to hang out on Twitter and connect with the Youths, who used to look to him, wide-eyed and full of that thing called “Hope.” Now that Hope has been murdered and buried at sea with bin Laden, it is important that Barack Obama remind everyone that he is the president of the Rebecca Black meme generation, because he can use a phone to write things, about how he is a cool dad or whatever. Today he is going to prove his Interwebz skillz to the next level, by holding a town hall meeting, on Twitter! Only he will not actually touch Twitter, because not so fast, America! Read more on President Obama Will Hold Twitter Town Hall, Without Twitter…
  it's morning in america

Celebrate Fifty Years of Horrible Teevee Politics

Fifty years ago yesterday, Americans gathered around the boob tube to watch John Kennedy debate Richard Nixon. Richard Nixon was sweaty and forgot to powder his nose, so he lost for being so ugly — if he was handsome he probably would have won, which he eventually did, in 1968, “when it mattered.” Point is: This historic teevee moment was the beginning of the end for the old saw “politics is Hollywood for ugly people.” (Politics actually is still Hollywood for ugly people, but now we have “the Photoshop” and also “boob jobs.”) Many would argue that over the years teevee has made politics exponentially less substantive and infinitely more superficial and silly. This is why Americans love the so-called Visual Age, because it gave us Dana Perino. America is tired of looking at Robert Gibbs. [Fortune/YouTube/Kansas City Star] Read more on Celebrate Fifty Years of Horrible Teevee Politics… Read more on Celebrate Fifty Years of Horrible Teevee Politics…
  the homosexuals!

Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist

Your Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals is back bearing good news, or as they like to call it in church, “a new gospel”: All of the world’s lesbians have been fully repented for! This happened last week, in Sacramento, at a big Jesus party thrown by My Boyfriend Lou Engle. Though he has failed utterly in his mission from God to save San Francisco from Chadd, the three-story-tall homosexual Jesus giant, Lou called in a crazy Jeebus lady named Cindy Jacobs to take care of all the lesbians, and oh boy, did she ever! Read more on Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist…
  get out your decoder ring

Hutchison’s Web Site Contained SECRET WORDS (Hint: ‘Gay’) About Texas Gov

See, this is why we haven’t kicked Texas out of the union (yet): because sometimes Texans do funny things for us to laugh at. For example: unofficial Republican gubernatorial candidate Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison has a web site that contained tasty little hidden phrases like “rick perry gay” that Governor Rick Perry’s people did not like so much. Read more on Hutchison’s Web Site Contained SECRET WORDS (Hint: ‘Gay’) About Texas Gov…
  op-art

Lil’ Kim Jong-Il Bombs Internet Because He Loves Show Biz

Oh hey did you hear crazy dwarf-alien Kim Jong-Il has been shooting rockets into the sea, by North Korea? No? ARE YOU SILLY AMERICANS SO OBSESSED WITH THE DEATH OF KING-POP MICHAEL JACKSON AS TO NOT FOLLOW NORTH KOREA’S MIGHTY THREATS? Well, Lil’ Kim wants you to know he is twice as weird as Wacko Jacko, with the additional freaky habits of kidnapping regional movie stars and starving his people, because why not, right? Dwarf motherfucker got to have his Cristal & ‘hos. Read more on Lil’ Kim Jong-Il Bombs Internet Because He Loves Show Biz…
  idaho bathroom goblin

LARRY CRAIG FINALLY HAS INTERNET FRIENDS! One of you noticed Gay Larry Craig had no virtual pals on this FreedomSpeaks site, so a bunch of you people went over there and kindly befriended the Idaho Bathroom Goblin. Who says chivalry is dead? [FreedomSpeaks] Read more on …
 

Barack Buys Bill Clinton Domain Names?

Hey, so here’s something fun to do this Monday morning: Go to either presidentbillclinton.com or williamclinton.com. You know, like Hillary’s husband. At either you can read all about… Barack Obama?! Indeed, as of now, these two URLs redirect to BarackObama.com. The President Bill is not going to be pleased with his Internets. Read more on Barack Buys Bill Clinton Domain Names?…
 

Some Terrorists Are Blondes, World Stunned

Europe is stunned: it seems that some terrorists might not be swarthy Arab types! Some might even be pretty girls! This is leading them to think about giving up on profiling when it comes to identifying potential terrorists. Thankfully, we don’t have to have that conversation here in the US of A. Our realistic depictions of terrorism on television and in movies have conclusively proved that terrorists are either really foreign-looking or played by John Malkovich. Read more on Some Terrorists Are Blondes, World Stunned…
 

WaPo No Mo: WashingtonPost.com Offline

As of right now (5:01 PM), the WP’s website is all not available and shit. Sure, there’s the possibility that they let their domain name lapse again, but we like to think it’s the avalanche of anonymous sources trying to tell Dana Priest where Bush has hidden Osama. Read more on WaPo No Mo: WashingtonPost.com Offline…