Tag Archives: the internet

  get a brain moran

Arizona Schools Chief Super Busy Penning Anonymous Blog Comments About Poor People, Lazy Pigs (Same Thing)

Well here’s a variation on a theme: A Republican official has been caught posting rude crap to the internet, but for a change, it’s not pictures of watermelons in front of the White House. Which is a step up, maybe, except that it turns out that the official, Arizona state schools Superintendent John Huppenthal, has been leaving a whole bunch of anonymous wingnut comments on blogs; and lots of them have been about what a great job Arizona state schools Superintendent John Huppenthal has been doing. Oh, and also stuff about how people on welfare are “lazy pigs,” Franklin Roosevelt caused the Great Depression and helped bring Hitler to power, and Margaret Sanger personally aborted 16 million black babies. Among other things. And yes, of course, he posted a lot of those comments from his work computer, because obviously slagging on welfare moms is part of the mission of the Arizona Superintendent of Public Instruction. Can’t have effective schools if Poors are buying crab legs on the public dime, right? Read more on Arizona Schools Chief Super Busy Penning Anonymous Blog Comments About Poor People, Lazy Pigs (Same Thing)…
  wonketjugend

Announcing Wonket’s Teen Korner! For Teenz!

Kid Zoom is the son of Yr Doktor Zoom. He is 15 and a sophomore in high school. He got this gig by making a boob joke. As of right now, I am going to do what every English teacher has ever told me not to: tell you what my writing will be about! It is going to be about the Internet, that you are wasting your life on RIGHT NOW, and how it is bad for children and other living things. First of all, fucking Snap Chat. For those of you geezers who haven’t heard of it, and who aren’t supposed to be reading this anyway because this is the Teen Korner for Teenz, Snap Chat is a messaging service that sends a picture that’s deleted within a certain time period of being received. Sounds like a perfect idea to reduce clutter, right? No, “reducing clutter” is for housewives. IT IS FOR SEXTING, DUH. Or for sending pictures that are literally a shit. We got this picture that was someone’s gigantic dookie. And to top it all off, everybody said, “Well, at least it wasn’t his penis again.” (Lol, Wonkette lets me say penis.) It is also a damn inconvenience. For we happy few who are not baked out of our minds, and *gasp* actually trying to learn, having our peers shriek and giggle about literally sending each other pictures of their own bored faces is extremely distracting. And then when I ask them to stop, and I’m not even, like, being a dick or anything, they’re just like “Lol, nerd,” and I’m like :( Read more on Announcing Wonket’s Teen Korner! For Teenz!…
  winning at losing

Conservatives Crush Dumb Liberals With Popular Political Hashtag, Not So Much With Ideas, Candidates, Campaigns, Message

Twitchy, which is the website your mom would put together if she were a crazy conservative asshole obsessed with microscopically relevant Twitter bullshit, has CONFIRMED TODAY RIGHT NOW that #tcot was the most popular political hashtag in 2012, and so really it is president. Since Twitchy launched in March, we’ve been documenting daily evidence of conservative Twitter domination and hilarious liberal hashtag failures. Whether it’s hijacking progressive hashtags or launching their own, conservatives rule the political Twitterverse. Today, Twitter confirmed what Twitchy has been reporting. The #tcot, or “top conservatives on Twitter” hashtag, tops the list of political hashtags for 2012. Finally, a website dedicated to recycling random tweets in an effort to make cloistered idiots feel better about their insular online world has achieved its first victory: sort of taking part in the use of a pointless hashtag!  Congrats? Read more on Conservatives Crush Dumb Liberals With Popular Political Hashtag, Not So Much With Ideas, Candidates, Campaigns, Message…
  you're welcome

Nice Lady Goes On Epic 23-Minute Potty Rant Because Her Friends Didn’t Share Her Romney Posts On Facebook

The fact that shellymicAB’s Youtube rant is unembeddable is a crime against Wonkette. But for those of you who have been begging us to repeat our billion-post Tuesday schedule so as to keep schadening your Freude (unaware that we conducted Election Day, like the Iraq War, “off-budget”), well, here should be the happiest 25 minutes of your life. “Headphones up!” as the people with jobs say! [YouTube] Read more on Nice Lady Goes On Epic 23-Minute Potty Rant Because Her Friends Didn’t Share Her Romney Posts On Facebook…
  drill baby drill

Shell Oil Apparently Has Not Yet Learned What ‘The Internet’ Is For

Hello, Shell Oil! Have you fired your social media guru yet, or the ad agency that came up with the idea of crowdsourcing Shell’s Let’s Go! Arctic campaign? Did it at least occur to you to borrow an RNC intern to scoop out all the “cunts” and “fucks” and whatnot before posting them on your Let’s Go! Arctic site? What about all the ads about the polar bears you are murdering? Do you think Coca-Cola might have something to say about that? thanked the YesMen for their beautiful tribute to you? Let us look, together, at what these terrible Internet hooligans have wrought on poor Shell Oil. Here are some images from just the first page of Shell’s the YesMen’s Let’s Go! Arctic campaign site, where terrible hippies have taken to their keyboards to mock poor Shell (MOCK THEM!) for their great environmentalism. UPDATE! Yes, it’s the YesMen. Read more on Shell Oil Apparently Has Not Yet Learned What ‘The Internet’ Is For…
  people less internet savvy than your grandmother

Putin Campaign Dismisses Angry Web Comments As a ‘Computer Game’

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin decided this week to put his bid for yet another “run” on the Internet, where he has been hanging out lately to try to charm his people following December’s huge and quite unified protests in the country. Pleasantly, his website, whose main photo (this one) looks like Putin’s attempt to pose for a Swiss watch ad, was flooded with so many angry comments that the Kremlin community cossack had to temporarily take down the site. And, of course, delete all the comments. But the thing is, says a Putin spokesperson, the people of Russia didn’t mean to be mean. They were just playing “a computer game.” What? Read more on Putin Campaign Dismisses Angry Web Comments As a ‘Computer Game’…
  a little bird told us

Homeland Security Is In Your Tweets, Waiting For Your Revolution

The US government is watching our every tweet, but don’t worry, it’s just to get a “situational awareness” of the world. Since 2010, the Department of Homeland Security has been monitoring “publicly available” information such as forums, Twitter accounts, and websites like WikiLeaks, Facebook and Hulu (what? – “Hey boss, I’m just monitoring these SNL clips for classified information disguised as terrible jokes”). So millions of people saying things that may or may not be true makes the job of the government easier? Not surprisingly, the DHS seems a little confused about how long it holds on to the information it trawls: a spokesperson says it doesn’t hold on to Internet traffic data; the document pertaining to this initiative says it does, but “for no more than five years.” Oh, whew. Read more on Homeland Security Is In Your Tweets, Waiting For Your Revolution…
  bad cop ... no pension

Cops On Internet Forum Love Watching NYPD Assault Protesters

So there’s this Internet forum for police officers called “Officer.com,” and you supposedly have to be a police officer to register for the site. (How do the administrators prove this? Probably by making sure the registration application has enough spelling errors and grammar disasters and obvious disregard for following the law.) And these alleged police grunts think it’s hee-larious that unemployed Americans are legally protesting the economic system in this country. It’s especially a yuk-yuk when cops beat up young girls and gas people for simply standing on a sidewalk in Manhattan. Let’s review some of these donut-munchers’ tough-guy-on-the-Internet bullshit, and hope they all learn the meaning of “public sector layoff” very soon. Read more on Cops On Internet Forum Love Watching NYPD Assault Protesters…
  a plea for pixx

Obama, Release the Photos of Bin Laden’s Corpse. Sincerely, the Internet

Last night on Glenn Beck’s sickly teevee show, the profitable conspiracy theorist host made a simple plea: for the government to release its photos of Osama bin Laden’s corpse. Glenn would like to see it. And his argument was that the photos can’t be all that gruesome, because most Americans have seen The Godfather and children play violent video games. In fact, Glenn “worked all day” on this goofy little cartoon of bin Laden’s shot-up head. And guess what? Beck is right. Not for the reasons he mentions, and certainly not for that dumb drawing, which makes bin Laden actually look cute. The reason President Obama should release the photos is because they will be more gruesome than movies or video games. And it is only fitting the photos live forever here on the most horrifying place in all the world: the Internet. Read more on Obama, Release the Photos of Bin Laden’s Corpse. Sincerely, the Internet…
  christine meets the internet

A Children’s Treasury Of Christine O’Donnell’s Website Content

The pocket pinball-playin’ elitists from the Soros blogosphere claim that Christine O’Donnell’s fancy website has no content, just a little button for donating your life savings to her brave campaign. Wrong! There’s plenty of content, you just need to “screen capture” it before it is deleted. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Christine O’Donnell’s Website Content…
  facebook love is forbidden love

Facebook Is Ruining the Sanctity Of Your Marriage

Facebook is basically ruining every single marriage, because it’s impossible to just be friends with someone on the internet — inevitably you always end up fingerbanging them (or “poking” them). You have 500 Facebook friends, you say? Well that’s 500 fingerbangs! Repent, adulterous slimeball: Read more on Facebook Is Ruining the Sanctity Of Your Marriage…
  illiteracy in the news

Sarah Palin’s Non-Word ‘Refudiate’ Is Merriam-Webster’s New Favorite Word

Oh for Pete’s sake! Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Summer is Sarah Palin’s merciless assault on the Queen’s English, “refudiate,” and only because refudiate has been the most searched-for non-word on its Internet website since the fateful day William Kristol declared it a miracle of profound conservative wordsmithery. Is the volume of Internet searches the only criteria for this literary honor? We are confused then as to why “Bristol Palin nekkid” or maybe “birfcertificate” is not the Word of the Summer. Very fishy indeed, perhaps fishy enough to warrant a recount? Read more on Sarah Palin’s Non-Word ‘Refudiate’ Is Merriam-Webster’s New Favorite Word…
  one whore diamond to rule them all

Fellowship Of the Libtard Will Expose Frodo Tea Baggins’ Racism

A giant racist Tea Bagger shadow has been cast over Middle-Earth (continental United States). And every day this racism grows, because nobody is strong enough to stand up and say, “Stop being racist,” and also Americans are too fat to stand up. And so, races from all corners of the liberal blogosphere have answered the call, probably on Skype. From Lonely Libtard Mountain come the Media Matters Dwarfs, and from H Street the Soros Elves of ThinkProgress. The Men from the NAACP showed up, and also uh, the Ents who hail from New Left Media. Have they all assembled to hear Yglesias the great Wizard recite his famous stories about barbershop deregulation? (No, that was yesterday.) This holy fellowship was formed to vanquish the near-impossible task of “documenting all the racist things Tea Bagger Orcs say/do/write on their cardboard signs and tank tops.” Wait a second, isn’t there an Internet website that ALREADY DOES THIS? Read more on Fellowship Of the Libtard Will Expose Frodo Tea Baggins’ Racism…
  online fetish shows

Michele Bachmann Performs Online Tonight — Don’t Miss Out!

OMG you guys, this is more awesome than a Night Ranger/Styx double-bill: According to the teabagging fetishist website Ensuring Liberty, “rock star” Congressvixen Michele Bachmann will be performing LIVE and IN CONCERT at a virtual town hall meeting tonight at 8 PM EST, with fellow Congressional “rock star” Steve King as her opening act. Real America’s two greatest talents will perform a set of shriek-y fight-the-power ballads about “the disasterous [sic] implications of the Dodd Financial Reform Bill,” and other things that make them feel all emo inside. Then they’ll answer questions from viewers at home — that’s you, maybe! — about their latest collaborative EP, We Poop Flags, available at Walmarts and feed mills now. Read more on Michele Bachmann Performs Online Tonight — Don’t Miss Out!…
  rumors on the internets

Why Can’t the Government Just Send All the Unhealthy People To Bagram and Leave the Rest of Us the Hell Alone?

South Korea was a simple place, a happy place. Then South Korea was introduced to the Internet, and also Starcraft. And now South Korean people want to kill themselves. [Matt Yglesias] Read more on Why Can’t the Government Just Send All the Unhealthy People To Bagram and Leave the Rest of Us the Hell Alone?…
  modern problems

DRUNK STUDENT ON INTERNET SEEKS GIRLS: How does a brooding 20-year-old drunken college student on the Internet finally leave the dorm and get laid? Your editor’s answer may disgust you! [True/Slant] Read more on …
  make room in google reader!

Tucker Carlson’s Famous New ‘Carlsonington Post’ Finally Hits Newsstands!

Tucker Carlson’s fabled journalism Internet is finally getting published on Monday! “The Daily Caller” is going to be like Huffington Post – Alec Baldwin + Tucker Carlson x Tucker Carlson. How much news will it contain? Millions of news! Carlson can afford to buy all the journalism, thanks to the ace PowerPoints of his business partner, some former Cheney aide, who explains, “We were very lucky to get the amount of money we did [$3 million] based, basically, on a PowerPoint.” Read more on Tucker Carlson’s Famous New ‘Carlsonington Post’ Finally Hits Newsstands!…
  cartoon violence

Cartoon Violence Is Drenched In Blood

By the Comics CurmudgeonIn honor of this week’s announcement, in Old Norse, that Peace can best be achieved by Warring, Forever, we here at Cartoon Violence are going to give up and embrace carnage! As movie producers long ago discovered, blowing shit up and then dismembering it has a certain visual and visceral impact than a bunch of dudes standing around earnestly talking about policy never will. Thus, there will be blood, yes, as well as explosions and bombs and nightmarish baby-monsters and fetuses and, of course, floppy man-boobs. Always the floppy man-boobs! Anyway, join us in hell, after the jump. Read more on Cartoon Violence Is Drenched In Blood…