Wonkette

“That’s FUNNY, you QUEER. LAUGH.”

You never know what’s gonna happen at the Capital Club’s annual “Swine on the Vine” party! So promises The Hill’s Betsy Rothstein, anyway, and boy, does it sound unpredictable!

One year, members of this quasi-fraternity decided to play a prank on Matt Jessee, a member who had not shown up for the bash. They posted a “Free Kittens” sign with his cell phone number at the party, prompting 100 calls. Jessee, a lobbyist for Bryan Cave Strategies and former aide to Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Va.), vowed never to miss a party again.

ROFLMAO. Seriously, tears over here. And Billy Bush might show up. BILLY FUCKING BUSH, PEOPLE.

More Cap Club follies, after the jump.

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• Seeking 175 ethnic friends to play parachute, wear AIDS ribbons. [Sarcastic and Cynical]

• Dear Lonny Baxter, “Dude, you might have not been playing in the NBA, but you would’ve been making a six figure salary overseas in Italy, not Kazakhstan or some shit. Boo-fucking-hoo.” [The Upstate Life]
• Pedestrians have the greatest rage of all. “What are you looking at, fuckers? Why don’t you get off your asses and try walking to work?” [Tiaras Optional]
• DC’s Trader Joe’s will open September 1st. As in NY, riots expected, Hawaiian shirts shredded. [Free Ride]
• The Hill starts tonight — guaranteed to make you nostalgic for Jessica Cutler. [DCist]

• Heard on the Hill: Representative Lincoln Davis (D-TN) on the gay marriage amendment: “This is why I think the amendment should outlaw adultery and make it a felony.” … “Rep. Tom Feeney (R-Fla.) is hosting his second annual “Penthouse Party” at his decidedly un-penthouse apartment, featuring, as always, cans of Budweiser, Oreo cookies, Diet Coke, Ritz crackers and his favorite, Easy Cheese….” [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Representative Robert Wexler (D-Fla) attended the screening of the Sundance documentary about his office, The Hill. [WP]

All right, we have a couple questions about this Hill piece. MORE »

Perhaps there are similarities between Capitol Hill and a plantation. But it’s not the members who are engaged in involuntary labor — it’s their staffs! MORE »

A reader inquires after a pair of items in our Gossip Roundup: MORE »

You might think they’re some sort of contradiction here. There isn’t. Everyone is being pandered to equally. Almost everyone. Happy Kawanza. MORE »

LAT runs down Duke Cunningham’s lavish lifestyle. Lavish, alternative lifestyle. The Air Force Navy veteran apparently underwent a kind of, uhm, change at some point: “Personally, his taste ran to country music and cowboy novels — which made the French antiques and Oriental rugs he took from contractors seem anomalous.” Anomalous? We think the Washington Post was more on target: Duke had “surprisingly delicate taste.” Gay taste. And, well, perhaps there’s was an element of protesting-too-much when he derided the Dems for being the ones who let “homos into the military,” let alone entertaining ladies on the Duke-stir boat all Ron Burgundy-style. The Washington Blade contends that if it walks and talks like a Duke, it’s a Duke. The paper reports that Cunningham outed himself to HRC prez Elizabeth Birch, telling her once that he’d “loved men” — on and off the battlefield. Well, he does cry like a girl.

[Lenny Ignelzi]

Cunningham’s Fall From Grace, Power [LAT]
Duke’s House of cards [Washington Blade]
Birch denies speech outed anti-gay congressman [Washington Blade]
EARLIER: Cunningham’s Gifts [Wonkette]

Details of the lifestyle Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham financed with bribes continue to unfold. The cars, the houses, the boats, the… furniture. Imagine: a California congressman spent $7000 on antiques, and it’s not David Dreier. Makes you suspicious, though, no? Come on, the man’s name is “Duke.” Yet, it appears that the only thing queer about Randy “Duke” Cunningham was his accounting. CorpWatch reports that Cunningham was fond of the ladies, inviting them “to his yacht. There, two of them told Copley News Service, he would change into pajama bottoms and a turtleneck sweater to entertain them with chilled champagne by the light of his favorite lava lamp.” Cunningham then burbled that he was “very important,” and told he had “many leather-bound books,” while his “apartment smells of rich mahogany.” MORE »

AP is reporting that “The main building of the Library of Congress was evacuated on Wednesday morning after a ’suspicious odor’ was detected and two people felt faint.” MORE »