Wonkette

Washington’s The Hill newspaper has published its 2008 list of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill, and yes, they were somehow able to find the requisite 50 people! We don’t really know where to begin with this. Checking out all the names and pictures takes long enough, and then there are little articles for each entry — long articles. So far the only sentence we’ve read, arbitrarily selected, was this: “It seems that when Coty Wamp, daughter of Rep. Zach Wamp (R-Tenn.), was 11, an alien invaded her body.” We dare not ask any further questions. MORE »

Here’s a nice video from The Hill newspaper that shows fitness creep Richard Simmons annoying Capitol Hill for several hours yesterday. He testifies to a House committee about No Child Left Behind destroying public schools’ physical education programs, and he exercises with Hill staffers outside the building. For Republican Congressmen who could witness this from the Capitol’s bathroom windows, it was a dream come true. In this video, Simmons starts freaking out to Congress at :52, then ratchets it up at 1:15, then “climaxes” at 1:30. It is hilarious. This Hill reporter, Erica whatever, seems nice. [YouTube]

Alaska’s corrupt congressman-for-life Don Young is well known for his insane outbursts and being investigated by the Feds for being a bribe-taking crook, but did you know his wife is notorious for torturing her husband’s interns with weird foods? MORE »

Now that Hillary has decided to extort the Democratic party, she has officially become less trustworthy than Dick Morris, the Clintons’ evil former strategist who now wishes them both dead. This means we can quote Dick Morris’ column and assume his claims are true, because why not? On today’s agenda: that time Hillary Clinton said Chelsea was hanging out by the Twin Towers on 9/11, and how she wasn’t at all. MORE »

Jonathan Kaplan on Wesley Clark: “His endurance is strong and his strokes are solid, particularly his freestyle and backstroke.” [The Hill]

The Capitolist’s anonymous hill staffers on The Hill’s 50 Most Beautiful: “Also, top 10 — half of them are minorities. It’s not that they’re not beuatiful. What surprises is that there are 5 minority staffers on capitol hill. Somewhat undrepresented on Capitol Hill and overrepresented on the list, but whatever.” [Capitolist]

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Hey, John Doolittle’s house was raided by the FBI last Friday! As usual, the gears of justice have turned quickly and decisively in dealing with the crooked lawmakers who enabled Jack Abramoff. MORE »

To: Lamar Alexander
Re: Your post on The Hill’s Congress Blog MORE »

The horrible noises heard after hours at the newish Rock and Roll Hotel — which is a bar with live music, not a hotel — are not just rats or people having sex or other people being mugged outside. According to The Hill, the club is actually haunted by actual ghost demons who literally scare the crap out of employees.

At the end of one night recently, a female employee paid a visit to the ladies’ room. While she was in a stall, someone else entered the restroom. Thinking it was a member of the clean-up crew, she told the intruder to return later. The person didn’t listen, and closed the next stall door. The employee heard the toilet in the other stall flush. But when she checked, no one was there.

As we know from the Bible, this is because the rock club used to be a funeral home. MORE »

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Outgoing Roll Call gossip Mary Ann Akers is off to a great new start as the new WashingtonPost.com gossip. Her farewell to Roll Call e-mail charmingly revealed all of her sources, because she put them in the CC spot instead of the BCC spot. (Note to aspiring gossip columnists: BCC means Blind Carbon Copy, which means everybody can’t see everybody else who gets the e-mail.)

And people are furious. One committee aide told The Hill: “It violates your confidentiality …. It’s their private e-mail. People don’t want their e-mail out in public. This whole thing burned the living shit out of me as it revealed me and all the other ‘leakers.’ …. Anyone who is on there, I’m sure they’re pissed.”

Two lawmakers are on the e-mail list: Congressmen Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) and Patrick Kennedy (D-Drunky). If you have this farewell letter from Mary Ann, send it to us at once!

UPDATE! Akers’ official response is after the jump. Due to a hilarious sitcom-style bicoastal mix-up, one of your editors in fact HAD received this email, but ignored it due to the fact that we get emails from people who forget to BCC pretty much daily.

Burning her sources on her way out [The Hill]

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Is there a single government staffer doing any work today? According to Craigslist Casual Encounters, the answer is No. MORE »