New York Republican Rep. John McHugh, ranking GOP member of the House Armed Services Committee, wrote this thing for The Hill yesterday that very politely and professionally urged his fellow Republicans to hit Barack Obama hard over Iran, North Korea, the Defense budget, and various other foreign policy issues that the President is a chit-chatty pussy about. Barack Obama didn’t much care for these “tips,” so he kidnapped McHugh from his home last night and ordered him to become his new Secretary of the Army. And now play time’s over for John McHugh, for there will be no more of his fanciful “Help the Republican party!” schoolyard dalliances in The Hill, ever again. [NYT]

Those popinjays at The Hill have confused the dickens out of the American Internet today with a snippet regarding the Insta-Classic Sotomayor speech — you know, the one where she says she hates dumb white people, because she’s racist. In the speech she “claims” to like the Greater Mexican dish “mucho platos de arroz, gandoles y pernir,” which is basically a taco. What does this new thing mean, for the Republicans? MORE »

We give credit to The Hill for having the courage to start a very necessary new blog, Twitter Room, which nobly tries to capture all of the insane shit members of Congress write on their Twitters. Here’s something they picked up from Rep. Leonard Boswell’s Twitter yesterday — they even read LEONARD BOSWELL’S TWITTER, these Hill people! — about how his grandson will soon become a Man. [Twitter Room, Leonard Boswell]

Washington’s The Hill newspaper has published its 2008 list of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill, and yes, they were somehow able to find the requisite 50 people! We don’t really know where to begin with this. Checking out all the names and pictures takes long enough, and then there are little articles for each entry — long articles. So far the only sentence we’ve read, arbitrarily selected, was this: “It seems that when Coty Wamp, daughter of Rep. Zach Wamp (R-Tenn.), was 11, an alien invaded her body.” We dare not ask any further questions. MORE »

Here’s a nice video from The Hill newspaper that shows fitness creep Richard Simmons annoying Capitol Hill for several hours yesterday. He testifies to a House committee about No Child Left Behind destroying public schools’ physical education programs, and he exercises with Hill staffers outside the building. For Republican Congressmen who could witness this from the Capitol’s bathroom windows, it was a dream come true. In this video, Simmons starts freaking out to Congress at :52, then ratchets it up at 1:15, then “climaxes” at 1:30. It is hilarious. This Hill reporter, Erica whatever, seems nice. [YouTube]

Alaska’s corrupt congressman-for-life Don Young is well known for his insane outbursts and being investigated by the Feds for being a bribe-taking crook, but did you know his wife is notorious for torturing her husband’s interns with weird foods? MORE »

Now that Hillary has decided to extort the Democratic party, she has officially become less trustworthy than Dick Morris, the Clintons’ evil former strategist who now wishes them both dead. This means we can quote Dick Morris’ column and assume his claims are true, because why not? On today’s agenda: that time Hillary Clinton said Chelsea was hanging out by the Twin Towers on 9/11, and how she wasn’t at all. MORE »

Jonathan Kaplan on Wesley Clark: “His endurance is strong and his strokes are solid, particularly his freestyle and backstroke.” [The Hill]

The Capitolist’s anonymous hill staffers on The Hill’s 50 Most Beautiful: “Also, top 10 — half of them are minorities. It’s not that they’re not beuatiful. What surprises is that there are 5 minority staffers on capitol hill. Somewhat undrepresented on Capitol Hill and overrepresented on the list, but whatever.” [Capitolist]

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Hey, John Doolittle’s house was raided by the FBI last Friday! As usual, the gears of justice have turned quickly and decisively in dealing with the crooked lawmakers who enabled Jack Abramoff. MORE »