Apparently the hammer was quite incensed to meet Rep. Patrick Kennedy, the Rhode Island Democrat who famously quipped, “I have never worked a fucking day in my life.” The hammer — which had worked many days over the course of its life — therefore struck Kennedy in his big fat mouth. MORE »

* Post-modern age, oh how we love thee. Shall you be compared to a summer’s day? Or that which is more beautiful, like the poetry of the large intestine swooning for a burrito? [Poop Report] MORE »

Our deepest condolences to Tom DeLay, who ended the portion of his political career that relied on convincing people to vote for him in order to embark on that much more lucrative portion in which he just makes a shitload of money and exercises roughly the same amount of power and influence (depending, of course, on his legal situation — but we don’t think a little jail time will really stop the checks from flowing in for work in defense of Christianity). MORE »

We don’t know about you, but we’re rooting for Tom DeLay in his primary today. The guy’s a bad-ass. MORE »