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Tag: the guardian

This fucking guy

World’s Great Memory Haver Donald Trump Not Sure If He Ever Met Vladimir Putin, Yeah, That’s The Ticket!

Republican nominee Donald Trump had the best weekend, y'all, simply yuuge. Not satisfied with merely smearing the grieving mother of a fallen American hero, Trump used a Sunday network show to flash his foreign policy chops and cement his reputation...

San Francisco Tech Bro Sick Of Stepping Over Untouchables On Way To And From Mansion

In an open letter to Ed Lee, the mayor of San Francisco, and Greg Suhr, the city's police chief, one techbro has put his finger on the true scourge afflicting Frisco (they hate it when you call it that,...

Your Never-Ending Olive Garden Shrimp Bowl Sauteed In Never-Ending Child-Slave Tears

So we've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that a mortifying percentage of the shrimp we eat comes from slave labor. The good news is, jk, there's no good news, humanity is a miserable plague. According...
You see this guy asking me questions? How dare he?

Maybe Rand Paul Didn’t F*ck Up Guardian Interview, Is Still A Dick Anyway

The Twitter, it is outraged at Serious Presidential Candidate Rand Paul, who is a dick, for doing another dick thing. According to the internet, which is always correct, Rand Paul had a full-on meltdown temper tantrum at Guardian reporter...
Everything Old Is New Again

Chicago Police Cosplay Fun ’24,’ CIA Torture Stuff, For Fun!

If you thought that police departments arming themselves with military assault rifles, cruising around in surplus MRAPs, and firing tear gas all willy nilly at protestors was maybe a problem, you'll really love this report from The Guardian, part...

Glenn Greenwald Gives British Government A Right Jolly Rogering, Will Probably Never Shut Up About It

It is no secret that yr Wonkette thinks Glenn Greenwald is a screechy, self-aggrandizing jackwagon whose NSA scoops have been over-hyped and overblown (WE UNDERSTAND THIS MAKES US TERRIBLE LIBERALS HITLER-LOVING FASCISTS WHO WOULD FELLATE DICK CHENEY AT THE...

Sad Clown Donald Trump Declines To Release School Records, Because It’s ‘Stupid’

You know all those times when there's a negative story about someone, and somewhere in the middle there's a little paragraph about how Shitty Old So-And-So refused comment for the story? Like, because there's nothing intelligent to say and...

Can of Pringles Causes Bomb Scare At Bilderberg Meeting In Switzerland

The annual super secret scary capitalist meeting of the Bilderbergs is underway in St. Moritz, Switzerland, with all the usual vintage cronies like Kissinger and Rockefeller and the Goldman Sachs chairman and their European villain equivalents. OR IS IT?...

Yep, Alvin Greene Asked Your Wonkette To Make Him a Website

When one reads the subject line "From Alvin Greene's advisors," one is startled. What's it like to receive an e-mail from the ten thousand things? How does one read a message written by the wind? But we were a...

Coming Soon To the American Economic Recovery: Alvin Greene Action Figures

Alvin Greene Mania has swept Britain! Today The Guardian has their very own profile of one British reporter's pilgrimage to the hovel of South Carolina Daoist monk Alvin Greene. It is accompanied by a nice photo of Greene talking...

Meanwhile, In England, Parliament Is Terrified About Something Going Public

England's Parliament, which is what they call their "Senate Finance Committee," is being very mean to a newspaper! "The Guardian has been prevented from reporting parliamentary proceedings on legal grounds which appear to call into question privileges guaranteeing free...