Tag Archives: the gays

  we're super thanks for asking

Super Gay Super Nice Time: Principal Comes Out To Students, Irritates Westboro Church To No End

Welcome to June! June is the most homosexxican month ever, thanks to Stonewall actually factually having happened at the end of the month and all, so there is much Gay Proudness throughout the entire 30-day span. Thankfully, that affords us many opportunities for nice time, and we need some fucking nice time. Washington D.C.’s Wilson High School brought us some gay-flavored nice time yesterday, when their school principal came out to his students during their Gay Pride Day celebration. Read more on Super Gay Super Nice Time: Principal Comes Out To Students, Irritates Westboro Church To No End…
  baby's first propoganda

Tea Party Coloring Books Help You Start ‘Em Young

Do you possess a small child? Do you wish your small child would color things to develop hand-eye coordination and patience or whatever it is that kids are supposed to learn from coloring? So maybe you’ll buy the little tot that brain coloring book or a Barbie book or something. Unless you’re a weird demagogue of a parent, in which case you’ll buy little Johnnie or Joanie the Tea Party Coloring Book, because it is never too young to start indoctrinating. And if Wayne Bell, the publisher of these childhood classics, has his way, you’ll soon have your schools ramming this down kids throats as well. Read more on Tea Party Coloring Books Help You Start ‘Em Young…
  let's send him a horse's head

Adam Carolla Pretty Sure Gay Mafia Is Stopping Him From Being Funny

Poor little Adam Carolla needed some attention and wanted some publicity for his crappy new book, President Me: The America That’s in My Head,where we guess (fuck, we’re not gonna read it) he talks about the America he wants and that America doesn’t involve the gay mafia oppressing Adam Corolla like they do now. Read more on Adam Carolla Pretty Sure Gay Mafia Is Stopping Him From Being Funny…
  it's called capitalism bitches

Stop Persecuting Christians By Letting Gays Shop In Your Stores!

Are you guys worried about Bryan Fischer? We’re totally worried about Bryan Fischer. There’s just so much homosexxican behavior going on right now that he and his organization of fellow incoherent rageaholics, the American Family Association, are kind of losing track of reality. The latest salvo from the AFA is aimed at businesses who aren’t willing to douse gays in lighter fluid and light them on fire, all in the name of Jesus, just for walking in the door, because of course the failure to do so is the exact same thing as ramming the homosexual behavior down the AFA’s throat, one esophagus at a time. Read more on Stop Persecuting Christians By Letting Gays Shop In Your Stores!…
  derpternal truth

Ben Shapiro: The Moral Arc Of The Universe Bends Towards Ben Shapiro

Whatcha doin’? Nothing much? Want to check out what baby-faced soon-to-be-unibrowed helium-voiced professional whine machine Ben Shapiro is up to? Of course you do! Today, Ben is very very sad that people keep using the phrase “the right side of history” because you keep using those words but Ben Shapiro does not think those words mean what you think they mean, because of God. Read more on Ben Shapiro: The Moral Arc Of The Universe Bends Towards Ben Shapiro…
  flip it flop it

Hot Adonis House-Flipping Twins Sent To FEMA Camp For Loving Jesus Too Much

Do you watch HGTV and all those house-lust shows? Property Brothers, House Hunters, Flip It Fancy? We might have made that last one up. Anyway, there will be one less house show on in the fall, because apparently America is just not ready for some house-flipping brothers that hate the gays and the ‘bortions. Oh yeah, and they also hate Muslins too, but that was sort of a given. HGTV abruptly called off a new reality show featuring twin brothers who have organized prayer rallies against LGBT and reproductive rights and compared same-sex marriage to Nazi Germany. “Flip It Forward,” which was scheduled to premier in October, was supposed to feature David and Jason Benham as they helped families buy, repair, and sell real estate. Whatever happened to free speech, hennnghhhh? What is this world coming to if the First Amendment doesn’t respect the rights of the stars of the one millionth house porn show to say how the gays are just like Nazi Germany? Read more on Hot Adonis House-Flipping Twins Sent To FEMA Camp For Loving Jesus Too Much…
  soaring rhetoric

Fabulous Oregon Christian Students Show Their Disdain For Homosexuals Through Medium Of Fashion

Another day, another Whiny Christian Kids Wear Anti-Gay Shirts To School story. Seriously, we’re going to come up with a way to just insert the name of the school and the date so we can automate this stuff. This week, it’s Oregon City High School, where some big baby just couldn’t stand the fact that there was a day — A WHOLE DAY, PEOPLE — about the gays, so he had to make some crappy t-shirts about it. “I just made it say ‘Gay Day is not OK,’ because I don’t believe that it’s OK,” Oregon City High School student Alex Borho told KPTV. Borho and some of his friends wore the shirts to school during the National Day of Silence on April 11. The event is intended to bring attention to bullying and harassment targeting gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. Man, with rhetorical skills like that, this kid is going to make a great third-rate evangelical preacher one day. Read more on Fabulous Oregon Christian Students Show Their Disdain For Homosexuals Through Medium Of Fashion…
  can't stop won't stop

Ohio Judge Crams Even More Gay Marriage Down State’s Throat By Insisting It Recognize Out-Of-State Marriages

Man, it is a great time to be gay and the saddest time ever to hate on the gays, as state after state after state turns homosexual. Ohio was only partly gay, having recognized gay marriage for the purpose of death certificates late last year, but now they have let the homosexxicans take over everything because a jackbooted liberal activist judge thug said that Ohio has to recognize out-of-state gay marriages as well, and does not even have to wait until those people die to do it. THE HORROR. Read more on Ohio Judge Crams Even More Gay Marriage Down State’s Throat By Insisting It Recognize Out-Of-State Marriages…
  thank goodness

Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews

You might remember that last year, a bunch of angry conservative Christians decided to take their toys and go home because the Boy Scouts were no longer going to stone gays to death. They created a nonsense organization called Trail Life aka Purity Scouts that promised that instead of cramming the gay down your kids’ throats, they’d shove some good old-fashioned religion all the way down there instead. Oh, except for that part where if your religion is Mormon or Jewish or any other of them funny not-Jesus religions, your throat cannot be rammed full of conservative goodness. Read more on Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews…
  nein nein nein!

Herman Cain’s Website Still So Offended That A Lady Talked About Her Lady Parts That One Time

We have to admit we had completely forgotten about Herman Cain after his 2012 flameout, but it looks like he has a website where people who are not Herman Cain write things that are, we presume, thinks Herman Cain has thought of or agrees with. It is, as you would imagine, a really impressive level of discourse. Today, one of Cain’s minions is flapping his virtual gums about how two years ago a lady lawmaker referred to her lady parts in a discussion about what ladies should do with lady parts, and that is still a problem over in Cainville. A couple years ago, Michigan was doing that cool thing where they try to make it so ladies can never get abortions, and then-Representative Lisa Brown actually TALKED ABOUT HER VAGINA in discussing laws that would affect the use of her vagina. The nerve! Turns out that the Democratic candidate in the Michigan gubernatorial race, Mark Schauer, tapped Brown to be his running mate. Our feelings on this range from “cool” to “we do not live in Michigan” but looks like Herman Cain’s pals still bear the scars of having a woman talk about a part of her body. Read more on Herman Cain’s Website Still So Offended That A Lady Talked About Her Lady Parts That One Time…
  religious freedumb

Mississippi Bakers Will Now Be Spared The Tyranny Of Making Penis Cakes For The Gays

Remember way back in February when we all got excited that Jan Brewer showed a modicum of human decency and vetoed Arizona’s “let institutionalize and business-ize hate against the gays” law? Looks like we started to rest on our laurels, got soft, failed to be eternally vigilant, and we didn’t pay attention to Mississippi, where the legislature was ramming through pretty much the same bill. The Mississippi legislature has passed legislation that would allow people to use their religion to justify discrimination. […] “Religious liberty” bills like the one vetoed in Arizona differ from other states’ “Religious Freedom Restoration Acts” (RFRAs) because they extend religious protections to businesses. Mississippi’s bill has this same problem, because state law already defines a “person” to include “all public and private corporations.” Thus, if Bryant were to sign Mississippi’s bill into law, it would grant all businesses in the state a license to discriminate based on religious grounds. Mississippi does not currently have any state or local nondiscrimination protections for the LGBT community, but a business could use this legislation to justify discrimination against anybody not protected by federal law. The big difference between Arizona’s law and Mississippi’s? Mississippi’s governor, Phil Bryant, signed the thing because of course he did. Read more on Mississippi Bakers Will Now Be Spared The Tyranny Of Making Penis Cakes For The Gays…
  truth in advertising

No, YOU’RE Crying Over this Sweet “Screw You, Haters” Ad From Honey Maid Graham Crackers

Last month, Honey Maid graham crackers, which you buy once per year for s’mores and then leave at the back of the cupboard until the mice get them or they turn to dust, aired an ad that said everybody can buy crackers and make s’mores once a year, even the gays and the interracially married. It was a very nice ad! Read more on No, YOU’RE Crying Over this Sweet “Screw You, Haters” Ad From Honey Maid Graham Crackers…
  the more you know

Here Is Some Nice Time Title VII Gay Civil Rights Lawsplaining For You!

Though we are all about loving how much gay marrying has been going on across the country, sometimes that overshadows the fact that it still really really sucks in many states to be a gay person who would like to have a job without fuckery or the fear of being fired, or both. Law-wise, there’s very few ways to fight a termination unless your state has a cool-ass human rights law that guarantees the not-firing, and if you’re suing at the federal level, forget about it, because there’s not a federal law under which you can easily sue if your boss hates your gay gay gayness. Until now. It looks like some liberal activist judge has decided that a homosexxican guy whose boss hated how gay he was can sue under Title VII of the Federal Civil Rights Act, which is usually used to protect against sexual harassment and discrimination on the basis of sex. Confused? Let’s lawsplain! Read more on Here Is Some Nice Time Title VII Gay Civil Rights Lawsplaining For You!…
  god hates dumbs

Maricopa Vice Mayor Likes Fred Phelps And Doesn’t Like Fred Phelps Yet Hasn’t Heard Of Fred Phelps

We’re actually going to need to build some sort of timeline to cover all the dumb in this story. You will recall that Fred Phelps died, which you knew because you do not live in a cave. And then there was the inevitable and obligatory fake Onion obituary, which praised Phelps for stopping the march of gay rights forever. Again, you knew this was satire, because you do not live in a cave. Maricopa Arizona vice mayor Edward Farrell apparently does cave-dwell, so he wrote a Facebook post with a link to the Onion obit and praising Phelps. Read more on Maricopa Vice Mayor Likes Fred Phelps And Doesn’t Like Fred Phelps Yet Hasn’t Heard Of Fred Phelps…
  the devil makes you do it

Pat Robertson Is Very Sad That You Can’t Murder Gays, Must Make Them Penis Cakes Instead

Someday, Pat Robertson will shuffle off this mortal coil, and then we will have approximately 30% less things to blog about, because the man is a perpetual motion machine of gay-bashing and devil-invoking, usually all at once. Today is no exception, as Robertson explains that Jesus probably didn’t love homosexuals on account of how he’d kill them or they’d be dead already (we’re not quite clear on that part) and also too the devil, of course. Read more on Pat Robertson Is Very Sad That You Can’t Murder Gays, Must Make Them Penis Cakes Instead…
  dear stabby

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Painfully Obvious Advice Edition

Let’s start with the best Sunday New York Times news of all: Thomas Friedman has the week off. There’s also news about how there’s no news about the missing plane and a reminder that your March Madness bracket is a mess with Syracuse losing to Dayton. The Times also covers Fred Phelps’s death and reminds us that the virulent nonsense cause of his church — full time gaybashing — is a lost and dying cause, thank skygod. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Painfully Obvious Advice Edition…
  ambien walrus kill your parents

Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which We Learn Why Liberals Are Emotional Illogical Liars

It’s time once again to go down into the sub-basement levels of the WonketDome to flush out the comment queue and see what’s been clogging up the ones and zeroes. We got a whole bunch of comments in the last few days from people who don’t think a whole heck of a lot of our little wonkosite here; our first example is from “SJG613,” who was displeased with Yr Editrix’s shameful attack on poor Ben Shapiro’s precious freedom to discriminate against The Gays: This is all the liberals do. Conservatives argue facts. Liberals argue insults and made-up stats and will string together any combination of words that will support their position not supported by facts. None of you offer any intelligent response to his POINTS. This, by the way, was in reply to a post in which l’Editrice responded quite factually to Shapiro’s claim that since his right to practice his religion doesn’t come from government, then the government cannot encroach on his religious practice. She noted that the Supreme Court held pretty conclusively that states can say, sorry Native Americans, you don’t have any right to any rite using peyote — at least as long as peyote is banned for everyone. Sounds like facts to us, but Yr Doktor Zoom is so liberal he can barely put words together. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which We Learn Why Liberals Are Emotional Illogical Liars…
  school daze

Demon-Obsessed Preacher Will Protect You From Al Franken’s Pedophile Rampage

Gordon Klingenschmitt! We love this guy! He’s the demon-obsessed ex-Navy chaplain who is also too obsessed with the gays because — you guessed it — the gays are all chock full of demons. Now Klingenschmitt has reared his weird head again to warn us about how Senator Al Franken (D-Awesome) is going to pedophile up all your schools, probably because of demons. Klingenschmitt tipped the unlucky recipients of his mailing list off to this totally realistic fear by sending them an almost pathologically repetitive email about it. Seriously, it’s like a rosary of fear and lies. Read more on Demon-Obsessed Preacher Will Protect You From Al Franken’s Pedophile Rampage…
  Do you like movies about gladiators getting health care?

Republican Says It’s ‘Immoral’ To Give Health Care To Gays Because Then They Use It Like A Bunch of Gays Using Health Care

Don’t you just hate when The Gays try to use health care like they’re some kind of people who need health care? Michigan’s former state Rep. Dave Agema sure does. Who is this blowhole? Oh, just a derpsman for the Republican National Committee and also a former pilot, which makes him an automatic The Gays expert somehow because of Stuff He Saw when he was piloting or something, we don’t know how exactly but shut up, that’s not the point, he just knows, okay? Damn those sneaky gays, with their wanting gay wedding cakes (or, as some of us call them, wedding cakes) and their gay marriage (i.e., marriage) and gay health care (aka health care). “Folks, they (gay people) want free medical because they’re dying (when they’re) between 30 and 44 years old,” he said. “To me, it’s a moral issue. It’s a Biblical issue. Traditional marriage is where it should be and it’s in our platform. Those in our party who oppose traditional marriage are wrong.” “I stand for traditional marriage, no homosexual ones,” he told the group. “The family unit is the basic unit in society. When you tear the family apart, you tear the country apart.” Yeah, it’s a real undermining of the sanctity of profiting off the sick and dying when gays can just go around wanting free medical care. You know who else does that? Oh, everyone, even the non-gay everyones. But, see, it is against the Bible and traditional marriage when the gays want health care because Jesus said … oh, nuts, there we go again, not finding the part of the Bible where Jesus said do not give health care to the gays because they are gay, ew gross, icky. Read more on Republican Says It’s ‘Immoral’ To Give Health Care To Gays Because Then They Use It Like A Bunch of Gays Using Health Care…
  Bigots Being Bigots Because Bigots

Oregon Bigots Would Like Special License To Hate Gays Even If It Is Illegal To Do That Because Freedom

Exactly how big an asshole do you need to be to care who eats your five-tiered sponge-flavored diabetes-frosted wedding cake? This big: [T]he Oregon Family Council has filed its own initiative that would allow for discrimination against same-sex couples even if marriage equality passes. The proposed Protect Religious Freedom Initiative would create a “right to discriminate” for any business that normally works with weddings. Were it to pass, florists, bakers, photographers, and other wedding professionals could simply refuse to serve same-sex couples without being in violation of the state’s public accommodation nondiscrimination protections. So in other words, they would like a special law that says they do not have to follow the law because they think that well, they just shouldn’t. Freedom and stuff. That is not how the law works, dummies. We checked How The Law Works For Dummies What Are Especially Dumb. Read more on Oregon Bigots Would Like Special License To Hate Gays Even If It Is Illegal To Do That Because Freedom…
  Who Would Jesus Refuse To Hire?

Senate Wants To Exempt Churches From ENDA To Protect Their Right To Hate Gays For Jesus

Aw, this is so sweet and Jesus-y: The Senate on Wednesday adopted an amendment to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) from Sen. Rob Portman (R-Ohio) that would prevent retaliation against religious organizations. Portman’s amendment — which would prevent retaliation against religious organizations that don’t hire someone because of sexual orientation or identity — passed by voice-vote. Now, you might ask yourself why religious institutions that are supposedly dedicated to spreading the good word about loving the poors and the sluts and how the 1 percent is gonna have a hell of a time getting into Heaven would need a special dispensation from the Senate to keep on keeping on with that whole “Ewww, The Gays” thing. Especially since New Pope recently said hating chicks and gays should maybe not be a top priority. But what does he know? That’s just, like, his opinion, man, and as we’ve all learned from the bishops’ tireless crusade to protect religious liberty by denying health care to women, there’s really no better way to protect our freedoms than by fighting to deny other people their freedoms. Read more on Senate Wants To Exempt Churches From ENDA To Protect Their Right To Hate Gays For Jesus…
  We'll have what they're smoking

Nefarious Homosexual Lobby Gets Megyn Kelly A Better Fox News Time Slot, Makes The Bigots Sad

Where oh where is a tinfoil-hat-wearing bigot supposed to turn these days for hatespeech dressed up as news? It sure isn’t Fox, that’s for sure. First, Fox refuses to cover BENGHAZIIIII!!!!!! 27 hours a day (“24 hours in a day” is just a liberal hoax like global warming or gravity), and now it is going full-on Sodomy and Gomorrah, rainbow flag-waving, wearing assless chaps in the Pride March, Friend of Dorothy GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY: As part of a national journalism conference on Tuesday, August 20, America’s Survival, Inc. (ASI), a public policy organization, is officially releasing a new report on radical changes at Fox News that should cause great concern to pro-family conservatives. “Pushing Sean Hannity out of the 9:00 p.m. slot, to make way for pro-homosexual advocate Megyn Kelly, is another sign of the channel’s left-ward drift and decline,” said ASI President Cliff Kincaid, a veteran journalist and media critic. Ha ha ha, pro-family conservatives, take THAT! You might think the Gay AgendaTM is about fighting discrimination in the workplace and being able to marry whomever you damn well please and being able to adopt children what are rotting away in orphanages and being able to visit loved ones in the hospital and stuff like that, but NOOOOOOOOOO, that’s all red herring stuff to distract you from the REAL goal of the agenda has always been to get Megyn Kelly a better time slot on Fox. WINNING! Read more on Nefarious Homosexual Lobby Gets Megyn Kelly A Better Fox News Time Slot, Makes The Bigots Sad…