Tag Archives: the gays

  the shocking truth

Rick Santorum: Colorado Forcibly Re-Educating Anti-Gay Cake Bakers With TPS Reports

Do you ever wonder if Rick Santorum worries that prettier, younger, even more homophobic sweet thangs are taking his place? Maybe each day he looks in the mirror, worries about the grey at his temples, puts on a new sweater vest, purses his lips, tells himself he’s still got it, and goes out to grapple with a new day, hoping that if he gets more and more outrageous, people will still look at him like they once did. That’s really the only explanation we can come up with for his whole “Colorado is FEMA-camping the anti-gay florists” thing he’s got going on this week. Read more on Rick Santorum: Colorado Forcibly Re-Educating Anti-Gay Cake Bakers With TPS Reports…
  b-b-b-benny and the derps

Ben Carson Civilly Disagrees With You About Your Filthy Sinning Gross Gay Marriage

Good Christ but 2016 seems relentlessly far away when we realize that we will have so much more of Bobby Jindal lurching to the right. No, righter. Keep going. We will have endless exegeses of the meaning of Hillary’s pantsuits. And worst of all we will have to continue to pretend that Ben Carson is both a serious contender and a serious individual instead of a laughable clown. Fresh off his amazing leap in illogic where he explained that government assistance is bad for everyone except Ben Carson’s mom, we now have Ben Carson’s Grand Compromise about the gays, which is basically STFU about your stupid gay marriage, gays, and in return you get more STFU. Read more on Ben Carson Civilly Disagrees With You About Your Filthy Sinning Gross Gay Marriage…
  the love that dare not speak its name

Ralph Reed: Gay-Bashing + Unskewed Polls = GOP (Bondage And) Dominance 4 Ever

Remember how there was a time when it seemed like we might be entirely free of Ralph Reed and his sanctimonious toothiness? But somehow he rose like a smug phoenix from the flames, and now we have to endure his assertions that hating on the gays is still totally good for Republican business. Question: how bad does someone like Ralph Reed have to fuck up before no one will listen to him? Hahaha trick question the answer is never. Ralph Reed will be with us, faux-pious, until the end of time, and he will never stop advising the GOP that opposing gay marriage is a sure-fire winner. Read more on Ralph Reed: Gay-Bashing + Unskewed Polls = GOP (Bondage And) Dominance 4 Ever…
  the unscientific method

Catholic League Pretty Sure They’ve Put Guinness Out of Business By Now

Remember on Saint Patrick’s Day when shitty beers like Heineken and tolerable beers like Sam Adams and Guinness all decided to boycott the parades in New York City (Heineken and Guinness) and Boston (Sam Adams) and lo, there was much Bill Donohue and Catholic League (which is really just Bill Donohue, right?) sadness, and they embarked upon a quixotic attempt to get people to boycott Guinness? Today, the Catholic League released their EXTREMELY scientific survey about their boycott, and it is pretty much the bestest boycott ever you guys. Read more on Catholic League Pretty Sure They’ve Put Guinness Out of Business By Now…
  justice is derped

Wisconsin Attorney General Thinks Maybe Clerks Issuing Gay Marriage Licenses Should Be Drawn And Quartered

You might recall that Wisconsin is only the latest in a long long list of states that are currently ramming hot thick gay marriage down your throats, thanks to goddamn activist judges. But the attorney general of Wisconsin is a very sore loser and does not like the taste of gay marriage, so he figured that maybe if he just kinda sorta threatens to prosecute the county clerks issuing marriage licenses, he can shut the whole thing down. Read more on Wisconsin Attorney General Thinks Maybe Clerks Issuing Gay Marriage Licenses Should Be Drawn And Quartered…
  oklahoma not OK

Here Is Your Fun New Oklahoma GOP Candidate Who Would Like To Murder The Gays With Rocks

Have you guys heard about our new favorite — and by “favorite” we mean WHAT THE HELL, DUDE — state legislature candidate? Meet Scott Esk, a Republican running for office in Oklahoma. Scott would be just your run-of-the-mill semi-ginger who is hella mad about his receding hairline except for this one little standout fact: he’s pretty cool with stoning the gays. As in literally stoning the gays. As in to death. How is Scott Esk even possible? Read more on Here Is Your Fun New Oklahoma GOP Candidate Who Would Like To Murder The Gays With Rocks…
  history repeating

Mormons Gonna Kick It Old School By Excommunicating People, Probably

Remember how back in 2012 or so the Mormons decided to be kinder gentler Mormons, and you had to endure one million of those billboards with a carefully curated racially diverse selection of Mormons? And they had to be racially diverse ads because of that whole thing where Mormons didn’t let black people be priests until thirty-five years ago. And all the teevee ads? SO MANY TEEVEE ADS. We were just beginning to feel all warm and fuzzy about Mormons, but then they had to go and remind us that they didn’t forget how to be dicks and are totally gonna get their excommunication on. Read more on Mormons Gonna Kick It Old School By Excommunicating People, Probably…
  they're magically homolicious

Lucky Charms Totally Gonna Make Everyone Gay All Over Again This Year

It’s Pride Month, which means that it is time for us to talk yet again about how General Mills cereals are super duper gay. In 2012, we had some real heroes protest General Mills’s headquarters because they did not wish for the gays to burn in hell. In 2013, WND had to cry conserva-tears over the fact that Lucky Charms did a gay-loving ad. We’re sure they’re ramping up to cry hot thick tears of sadness again, because it’s time for that leprechaun cereal to get all gay again. Read more on Lucky Charms Totally Gonna Make Everyone Gay All Over Again This Year…
  what what in the butt

Hero Hawaii Legislator Will Save Middle Schoolers From Terror Of Hearing The Word ‘Anus’

Hawaii, we were under the impression your legislative types were generally not, on the whole, anti-gay nutbars since they crammed gay marriage down the throats of the state last December. We should never forget, though, that there will always be that one squeaky and super-bigoted wheel, and that dude will bitch and moan until he gets his way. Enter Bob McDermott, a state representative who is really really afraid of the fact that some people like to take it up the ass, so much so that he needed to torpedo an entire sex ed curriculum over it. Read more on Hero Hawaii Legislator Will Save Middle Schoolers From Terror Of Hearing The Word ‘Anus’…
  we're super thanks for asking

Super Gay Super Nice Time: Principal Comes Out To Students, Irritates Westboro Church To No End

Welcome to June! June is the most homosexxican month ever, thanks to Stonewall actually factually having happened at the end of the month and all, so there is much Gay Proudness throughout the entire 30-day span. Thankfully, that affords us many opportunities for nice time, and we need some fucking nice time. Washington D.C.’s Wilson High School brought us some gay-flavored nice time yesterday, when their school principal came out to his students during their Gay Pride Day celebration. Read more on Super Gay Super Nice Time: Principal Comes Out To Students, Irritates Westboro Church To No End…
  baby's first propoganda

Tea Party Coloring Books Help You Start ‘Em Young

Do you possess a small child? Do you wish your small child would color things to develop hand-eye coordination and patience or whatever it is that kids are supposed to learn from coloring? So maybe you’ll buy the little tot that brain coloring book or a Barbie book or something. Unless you’re a weird demagogue of a parent, in which case you’ll buy little Johnnie or Joanie the Tea Party Coloring Book, because it is never too young to start indoctrinating. And if Wayne Bell, the publisher of these childhood classics, has his way, you’ll soon have your schools ramming this down kids throats as well. Read more on Tea Party Coloring Books Help You Start ‘Em Young…
  let's send him a horse's head

Adam Carolla Pretty Sure Gay Mafia Is Stopping Him From Being Funny

Poor little Adam Carolla needed some attention and wanted some publicity for his crappy new book, President Me: The America That’s in My Head,where we guess (fuck, we’re not gonna read it) he talks about the America he wants and that America doesn’t involve the gay mafia oppressing Adam Corolla like they do now. Read more on Adam Carolla Pretty Sure Gay Mafia Is Stopping Him From Being Funny…
  it's called capitalism bitches

Stop Persecuting Christians By Letting Gays Shop In Your Stores!

Are you guys worried about Bryan Fischer? We’re totally worried about Bryan Fischer. There’s just so much homosexxican behavior going on right now that he and his organization of fellow incoherent rageaholics, the American Family Association, are kind of losing track of reality. The latest salvo from the AFA is aimed at businesses who aren’t willing to douse gays in lighter fluid and light them on fire, all in the name of Jesus, just for walking in the door, because of course the failure to do so is the exact same thing as ramming the homosexual behavior down the AFA’s throat, one esophagus at a time. Read more on Stop Persecuting Christians By Letting Gays Shop In Your Stores!…
  derpternal truth

Ben Shapiro: The Moral Arc Of The Universe Bends Towards Ben Shapiro

Whatcha doin’? Nothing much? Want to check out what baby-faced soon-to-be-unibrowed helium-voiced professional whine machine Ben Shapiro is up to? Of course you do! Today, Ben is very very sad that people keep using the phrase “the right side of history” because you keep using those words but Ben Shapiro does not think those words mean what you think they mean, because of God. Read more on Ben Shapiro: The Moral Arc Of The Universe Bends Towards Ben Shapiro…
  flip it flop it

Hot Adonis House-Flipping Twins Sent To FEMA Camp For Loving Jesus Too Much

Do you watch HGTV and all those house-lust shows? Property Brothers, House Hunters, Flip It Fancy? We might have made that last one up. Anyway, there will be one less house show on in the fall, because apparently America is just not ready for some house-flipping brothers that hate the gays and the ‘bortions. Oh yeah, and they also hate Muslins too, but that was sort of a given. HGTV abruptly called off a new reality show featuring twin brothers who have organized prayer rallies against LGBT and reproductive rights and compared same-sex marriage to Nazi Germany. “Flip It Forward,” which was scheduled to premier in October, was supposed to feature David and Jason Benham as they helped families buy, repair, and sell real estate. Whatever happened to free speech, hennnghhhh? What is this world coming to if the First Amendment doesn’t respect the rights of the stars of the one millionth house porn show to say how the gays are just like Nazi Germany? Read more on Hot Adonis House-Flipping Twins Sent To FEMA Camp For Loving Jesus Too Much…
  soaring rhetoric

Fabulous Oregon Christian Students Show Their Disdain For Homosexuals Through Medium Of Fashion

Another day, another Whiny Christian Kids Wear Anti-Gay Shirts To School story. Seriously, we’re going to come up with a way to just insert the name of the school and the date so we can automate this stuff. This week, it’s Oregon City High School, where some big baby just couldn’t stand the fact that there was a day — A WHOLE DAY, PEOPLE — about the gays, so he had to make some crappy t-shirts about it. “I just made it say ‘Gay Day is not OK,’ because I don’t believe that it’s OK,” Oregon City High School student Alex Borho told KPTV. Borho and some of his friends wore the shirts to school during the National Day of Silence on April 11. The event is intended to bring attention to bullying and harassment targeting gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. Man, with rhetorical skills like that, this kid is going to make a great third-rate evangelical preacher one day. Read more on Fabulous Oregon Christian Students Show Their Disdain For Homosexuals Through Medium Of Fashion…