Tag Archives: the gays

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Was It Over When The Jews Bombed Pearl Harbor?

Hey, Kids, hope you enjoyed both your Fourth of July and your Independence Day, seeing as how this was one of those years where they fall on the same day. Yr Wonkette had a nice day off and hardly blowed up anything at all that didn’t need ‘splodin’. And speaking of “highly Flammable,” we have for you a fine collection of deleted dumbth, starting with some thoughts from a “Dr. Lopez,” who we regret did not specify what his doctorate was in. Dr Lopez was not especially pleased with our piece on the Texas attorney general who issued an amazing public meltdown in the form of a press release following the Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling. And Dr. Lopez had some thoughts about just what a Big Dummy our Evan Hurst must be — don’t be fooled by his flattery at the beginning! As always, punctuation and spelling are verbatim from original. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Was It Over When The Jews Bombed Pearl Harbor?…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Illiterate, The Perverse, And The Deranged

Just try to keep the Yaks happy
The deleted comments game is a weird business — sometimes you can predict what topics will draw a lot of crazy comments — guns, Islam, and the Duggars, especially — and then sometimes, there’s a huge news story that doesn’t quite bring out nearly as much derp as we expected. For instance, we were sure that we’d be devoting most of this week’s Dear ShitFerBrains to this week’s Supreme Court decisions: Thursday’s Obamacare ruling and Friday’s complete destruction of America via Ghey Marrying. But apparently those were so traumatic that the Usual Crowd was too busy buying canned foods for the bunker and commiserating on rightwing sites. No doubt after the shock wears off, they’ll begin venturing to Wonkette to tell us precisely which torments we’ll all face in Hell. Ah, but we did hear a fair bit about the Confederate flag, so at least there’s that. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Illiterate, The Perverse, And The Deranged…
  Non Sequiturd

Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung

We could just drop gays on Iran. Or Tom Cotton.
Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Logan Act) has just about had it up to here with people fussing about “religious freedom” bills in Indiana and Arkansas, when we have far more important fish to fry, like undercutting the President on nuclear negotiations with Iran. Or, probably, Benghazi (Never Forget!). Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Oh Yeah Wonket? Well YOU’RE An Abortion!

Dear Sir or Madame: I am outraged by the lack of variety in the .gifs on this blog!
This week’s crop of deleted comments made us feel a bit nostalgic, since a couple of them employ a rightwing rhetorical trope that we first noticed when we still read the local news-paper while listening to Fleetwood Mac on the Victrola. It’s the simplest possible sort of non sequitur: just take any current event and point out that the Scourge Of Abortion is far worse. “I don’t see why the plane crash in ____ is news when hundreds of babies are slaughtered daily…” “Your article on the Armenian Genocide reminded me that Americans are happy to deny their own genocide, legal since 1973…” “How can your reviewer complain about Ishtar when a true abomination takes place in Planned parenthood clinics every day?” So yeah, we got a couple of those this week. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Oh Yeah Wonket? Well YOU’RE An Abortion!…
  Sooo not fabulous

Indiana Republicans Will Not Eat Your Gayness, Sir, No They Will Not!

Jesus would totally bake you a cake
Now that it is 2015, it is time to swear in all of those state representatives we elected back in November. Remember that election? When we elected so many Republicans? And now Republicans hold both houses of the legislature and the governorship in 23 states and will be able to pass any laws they want? While Democrats hold that same majority in only seven states? Read more on Indiana Republicans Will Not Eat Your Gayness, Sir, No They Will Not!…
  Everyone feel sad now ok that's enough

Go Screw, Dumb Gay New York St. Pat’s Day Parade, The Catholic League Is Pulling Out Of You

Catholic League: 0, The Gays: All the points
We were afraid this might happen. The Catholic League, aka this one very lonely sad guy named Bill Donohue who devotes all 27 hours a day every day thinking about The Gay but in a not gay way, has spent the last year evil-scheming an evil scheme to punish The Gays, ever since they hijacked the St. Patrick’s Day parades in New York and Boston by forcing beer companies to sell gay beer to them or something. He had this great idea to march in the next Pride Parade, with a big colorful but in a straight way “STRAIGHT IS GREAT” banner, which didn’t work out so well when The Gays said, “Sure, Bill, come on down with your banner and your bad self and let your freak flag fly. We’d love to have you.” Read more on Go Screw, Dumb Gay New York St. Pat’s Day Parade, The Catholic League Is Pulling Out Of You…
  screeeeeeeech

Breitbart Howler Monkeys Outraged Lesbians Said Anything About That Bigot Bridal Store

You might remember that earlier this year, Pennsylvania had gay marriage rammed down its throat and we rejoiced and were glad. But in a weird quirk of Santorum law, though the gays can get hitched in Pennsylvania, they are not actually protected under discrimination laws. Read more on Breitbart Howler Monkeys Outraged Lesbians Said Anything About That Bigot Bridal Store…
  clip and save!

Here Is Your Helpful Post About Gay Marriage And Federalism, Just Like You Always Wanted

You know that we are very public service minded here at Wonkette, which is why we’re bringing you this handy-dandy column that you can cut out and put in your wallet for the next 1001th time that some idjit tries to explain to you that they don’t really hate the gays, but they just don’t see a need for gay marriage because you can totally just make a contract for all the rights marriage confers upon you. Next time that happens, and it will happen, because there is no known cure for terminal stupid, just whip this bad boy out and show ’em whatcha got. Read more on Here Is Your Helpful Post About Gay Marriage And Federalism, Just Like You Always Wanted…
  Speaking of Boobs

Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing

When in doubt, use this picture
Here’s your Michele Bachmann CrazyTrain update: Yes, she really did say that Teh Gheys want to abolish age-of-consent laws so they can rape children without consequences, but no, she did not say that the USA needs to open “Americanization camps” to make immigrant children work while they learn English. The former story was widely reported because it’s yet another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit, and the latter story was also widely reported because, although it was originally from the lame fake-news site that wasn’t even The Onion, it sounded enough like another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit. Read more on Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing…
  clipbait

Richard Nixon Didn’t Think Girls Should Cuss Like Common Jews, Rachel Maddow Is On It (Video)

It is no secret that we are totally gay for Rachel Maddow, who thinks that Yr. Wonkette is “profane and wonderful.” And Thursday she was in Full Nerdgirl mode, geeking out over newly-discovered audiotapes from Richard Nixon’s infamous Oval Office recording trove. But in these 1971 recordings, Nixon’s not plotting to cover up Watergate or fulminating about his enemies. Instead, these tapes captured the President having a philosophical chat with Henry Kissinger and H.R. Haldeman about “the gay thing” Nixon insists he’s very tolerant, understands that “They’re born that way,” and then goes on to explain, Read more on Richard Nixon Didn’t Think Girls Should Cuss Like Common Jews, Rachel Maddow Is On It (Video)…
  taste the rainbow

Russian Priest Discovers Shocking World Cup Secret: The Shoes Are Making Us All Gay

OK, we almost passed on writing this, because the whole thing just seems too good/bad to be true, too perfectly tailored for a good solid skewering by yr Wonkette. However, we haven’t found anything on the internet to debunk this bad boy, so we’re going in. Have you been enjoying your liberal elitist World Cup? With all the multiculturalism and the face-painting and the legitimately sexy haircuts, it’s no surprise that good God-fearing nations like Russia and Spain were knocked out early. And thank the lord above, because apparently sticking around too long means you will turn gay, mostly because you will no longer be able to resist the hypnotic homosexxyness of the brightly colored shoes the soccer players wear. See? We told you it was perfect. Read more on Russian Priest Discovers Shocking World Cup Secret: The Shoes Are Making Us All Gay…
  you gays get off his lawn

Angry Old Man At WND Pretty Sure That NAMBLA Is Going To Take Over The National Cathedral

We thumbed through our archives and realized we really don’t pay enough heed to the comedy stylings of Les Kinsolving over at WND, and that’s a crying shame, because he has the slightly-unhinged yet wholly cranky anger that only the elderly can really deliver, and oh my yes is he mad at the gay people and the transgender people and the everyone who is not Les Kinsolving people in a delightfully train wreck-y get off my lawn sort of fashion. Read more on Angry Old Man At WND Pretty Sure That NAMBLA Is Going To Take Over The National Cathedral…
  lawsplaining

The Supreme Court Was So Busy Yesterday They Forgot To Wreck The Lives Of Gay Kids

How was your day yesterday? Do you still have a stick of furniture left unbroken after the twin-barreled double fun dose of bullshit you got from the Supreme Court? Neither do we! So as you can imagine, we’re grasping at the slimmest of straws to find something that makes us feel less filled with rage at the universe and Samuel Alito. Probably because they were so busy screwing over women and unions, yesterday the Supremes didn’t quite get get around to screwing over gay kids, and declined to hear an appeal to a lower court case which had held that California could ban creepy creepy ex-gay therapy for minors, which basically means the law stands. Guess the religious right is going to have to make some time to pour one out for their gay-hating homies while still throwing back bottles of Cristal over their fucked-up win in the Hobby Lobby case. Read more on The Supreme Court Was So Busy Yesterday They Forgot To Wreck The Lives Of Gay Kids…
  the shocking truth

Rick Santorum: Colorado Forcibly Re-Educating Anti-Gay Cake Bakers With TPS Reports

Do you ever wonder if Rick Santorum worries that prettier, younger, even more homophobic sweet thangs are taking his place? Maybe each day he looks in the mirror, worries about the grey at his temples, puts on a new sweater vest, purses his lips, tells himself he’s still got it, and goes out to grapple with a new day, hoping that if he gets more and more outrageous, people will still look at him like they once did. That’s really the only explanation we can come up with for his whole “Colorado is FEMA-camping the anti-gay florists” thing he’s got going on this week. Read more on Rick Santorum: Colorado Forcibly Re-Educating Anti-Gay Cake Bakers With TPS Reports…