This is what the Ark would have looked like, if Noah had been an out gay man. MORE »

Too bad there are no Gays in Washington D.C. (HEY-O!), because now they can go get gay married in New England or Iowa, come back to Washington D.C., and have that gay marriage legally recognized! (It will be like the Trail of Tears.) Because the D.C. City Council approved a measure “to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states.” Gay joint tax returns? COUNT IT. On the other hand this may go nowhere since Congress approves all D.C. legislation under our system of black chattel slavery. [Washington Post]

GAY MARRIAGE LEGAL IN IOWA: The Iowa Supreme Court has released its big gay marriage ruling and guess what, it ruled that denying gay marriage is unconstitutional. The gays can now get married in America’s Heartland! Iowa, everyone is so nice there. Everyone was so nice to us there on our convention road trip last summer. Turns out they were just trying to gay-marry Ken! UPDATE: Yowza. Those muslin latte-sipping arugula judges really stuck it to the mouth-breathers with this one. [Des Moines Register]

You know how the Gays are always trying to get married, for the sole purpose of ruining your hetero marriage? Well now one dictionary says they can. BURN IT. MORE »

• THAT UTAH IDIOT LOSES ALL POWER: Christ, you have to be a pretty avant-garde wingnut to say something so terrible about the gays that the Utah Republican party delivers a punishment! Earlier this week, notable mouth-breathing Utah state Senator Chris Buttars said that The Gays, “mean little buggers” if ever there were, are the same thing as the Muslim Terrorists. After a closed-door hearing, the GOP moved to strip him of his TWO chairmanships, one of which was the Judiciary Committee. We’re just about sick of this Utah GOP and its politically correct nanny state welfare crap. [Salt Lake Tribune]

Thank you to Wonkette tipster “MB” for directing us to this chart from today’s most lurid math-porn site, FiveThirtyEight, of recent polls about California Proposition 8, the famous referendum which will decide whether the gays can keep getting married in their home state. For a while, it looked like the gays had this thing all locked up, but now it’s a toss-up after Jesus made angry robocalls about “the gay AIDS” infecting everyone’s children. And he left his mark on this chart: it’s a JESUS FISH. Whoa. Consider. [FiveThirtyEight]

The New York Times Magazine’s Deborah Solomon has a reputation for being very “forward” in her weekly interviews. Or sometimes it’s just very unprepared, like that time she asked Stephen Colbert about his dad, and Colbert said his dad died in a plane crash when he was 10, and Solomon responded, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Ha ha, weird! She is terribly awkward, which made this Sunday’s interview with Florida’s secretly gay Governor Charlie Crist such a profound occasion. MORE »

The past several years have taught us all a valuable lesson: the nuttiness of a Republican legislator’s homophobic rantings is directly proportional to the secret gay shame of that legislator, and inversely correlated to the amount of time before that person gets busted doing the thing they professed to find so repugnant. By this math, Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern will be discovered by week’s end trolling for muff in the ladies’ room of the World Golf Hall of Fame. MORE »

Gay activist Frank Kameny got so mad while reading Tom Brokaw’s latest book, BOOM! Voices of the Sixties, that he took his feathered quill, dipped it in pink ink, and wrote Tom Brokaw a really, really mean letter. Addressed to Brokaw and his editors at Random House, Kameny was angered mostly over how Brokaw failed to tip his hat the gays. By “simply delet[ing] the momentous events of that decade which led to the vastly altered and improved status of gays in our culture today…. One does not hear even one single gay voice in your book. The silence is complete and deafening.” Radar reported that “at post time, attempts to contact Brokaw and his editor at Random House, like his book, were fruitless.” Hi-O! Brokaw No Friend of the Gays? {Radar]

Tonight, Showtime airs the most relevant political drama about zombies since “Night of the Living Dead’s” examination of race and violence…no, since “Dawn of the Dead’s” condemnation of consumerism… since “28 Days Later’s” disturbing allegory for the war on terror. What are we saying? Pretty much all zombie movies are politically relevant. But Showtime will be airing the most recent one, as part of their low-budget schlock horror series, “Master of Horror.” In it, dead soldiers returning from Iraq emerge from their coffins and demand voting rights, a cause that finds easy support among Republicans (and Chicago natives) until they discover that the “zombie dissidents” intend to exercise their franchise for “anyone who will end this evil war.” We had planned to have you insert your own Cindy Sheehan joke here, but apparently the film’s creator (”Gremlin” and “Toy Soldiers” helmer Joe Dante) already thought of it. We’re at a loss to envision how the movie could possibly be even more offensive to those likely to be offended by these sorts of things, though we hear some of the dead soldiers are gay. MORE »