Wonkette

Wonkette’s own Nicolas Sarkozy corespondent has kept you all up to date on l’affaire Bruni, which may result in France having a supermodel/rock star/groupie first lady. Obviously this brings up an important policy-related question, keeping in mind Kissinger’s dictum on power being the ultimate aphrodisiac: Who is the hottest presidential spouse? This week, we start with the top four first ladies. But don’t call us sexist, just shallow! Next week we move on to the first gentlemen, assessing the field before before Bill Clinton’s sad eyes and bad-boy charm blow everyone else out of the water. MORE »

The votes are in! No, not in your silly American primary election; I’m talking about The Foreigns, who got one look at last week Malaysian sex tape scandal and voted with their cameras, genitals, and fists. “Yes!” they said, in their Foreign languages. “I too want to do titillating things on camera that will end my political career forever!” After the jump: The Foreigns do it live on TV and/or film, for your entertainment. MORE »

Admit it, Wonketteers: you’ve been disappointed by the quality of U.S. sex scandals in recent weeks. Dickcember was a little flaccid, with even the whole Axis of Fun scandal only netting a skeevy Senatorial staffer who was quickly fired, so: BORING. Could it be that the cold weather is forcing our leaders to keep it in their well-insulated pants? Politicians from the tropics and the Southern Hemisphere seem to have no such restrictions on their naughtiness! This week, The Foreigns offers a smörgåsbord of political scandal, from the pederastic to the cinematic. MORE »

Greetings, fellow Americans! Here in America, we have finally reached the point where candidates begin running for president even before the fucking mid-term elections, so we basically have political campaigns going on all the time. The one saving grace, of course, is that the public face of these campaigns is run by America’s graphic designers, video editors, and advertising copywriters, whose skills are unparalleled. America may not grow or make and assemble or process or understand anything anymore, but if you want shit — or shitty people — sold to you, the US of A has still got it. But what of The Foreigns? When they run for president or chancellor or king or whatever, who designs their posters? The answer, sadly, is: more Foreigns! They’re often not as good, though as you’ll see after the jump, there are certain flashes of brilliance. MORE »

Hello everyone, and welcome to this week’s edition of The Foreigns: They’re Just Like Us! Our goal as always is to prove that we Americans and those foreign Foreigns have nothing to fear from one another, and that under our variously colored skins, we’re really more alike than different. For instance, did you know that, like you, the Foreigns can’t get enough of the infectious 2002 smash hit single “In da club?” Also like you, they have ludicrously misguided ideas about AIDS, are racists, and are high as fucking kites. Join us for a guided tour of depravity, after the jump! MORE »

If you’re an American and you read this site, you are almost certainly embarrassed by this nation’s government. Was it for this, you wonder, that our forefathers pledged their sacred honor to fight the tyrant British, or rose up to free themselves from bondage and discrimination, or travelled across the ocean with nothing but the clothes on their backs: so that we could live under a government where venality and corruption are the order of the day, where criminals make war for profit and a surprising number of powerful individuals use their influence to procure the favor of teenage boys? Wouldn’t we better off living somewhere, anywhere, but America? Don’t foreigners have it better than we do? MORE »