Wonkette

Ha ha, have you ever heard anyone compare a Congressman or Senator to a sex worker? Because they will apparently do anything for money, you see! Oh, what a delightfully raunchy barb. But the Foreigns, as usual, do us one better. You see, in several Foreign countries, actual sex workers — including strippers and prostitutes — get themselves elected to political office! And, um, people who play strippers in movies, and speaking of movies, we have video, after the jump! MORE »

Did you know that Americans aren’t the only ones to have elections? That’s right, the Foreigns do as well! Also, did you know that while American elections drag on for months and years like some grisly cavalcade of damned souls, many Foreign election campaigns are literally required by law to last only a couple of months? I know, it makes those crazy foreign lands sound like a wonderful paradise, if you can get past the cholera and the hairy armpits on the ladies! This week, take a look at some upcoming elections that will be long forgotten while our ass clowns are still jabbering away on the TV. MORE »

Those crazy Kosovars! Their little declaration of independence has caused quite the shitstorm — not just among the great powers who are wrangling over whether to recognize them or not, but among the world’s other pissant quasi-countries, who are mad that they didn’t get to do it first. Palestinian presidential aide Yasser Abed Rabbo whinily declared that “Kosovo is not better than us. We deserve independence even before Kosovo!” — and it’s probably more true for his blighted semi-occupied wasteland than most. This week, The Foreigns will take you on a tour of the world’s saddest unrecognized not-countries. MORE »

Americans in the Greater Brackish Waters Of The Chesapeake/Potomac Region have joined many other states in throwing their collective panties at Barry Hussein! With Obamamentum gaining speed, the left needs to ask itself what it always asks itself when it comes time to make important decisions: “What do filthy foreigners think about this?” Fortunately, the aforementioned Foreigns are willing to talk about it, at great length, on the Internet! Also, is Barack Obama secretly Iranian, too? MORE »

As the title of this feature tries so valiantly to assert, we don’t think that the Foreigns are really that different than from us. Sure, they jabber in weird languages and wear funny clothes, but when it comes right down to it, we all have the same basic set of human needs: we all want to get high, to have sex while we’re supposed to be working, to fake the deaths of our political enemies, and, of course, to live forever by extracting the organs of the healthy and powerless. MORE »

If Americans know one thing about the Foreigns (and sometimes that’s a near thing), it’s that they live in Foreign countries, which, obviously, are hellholes of awfulness and despair. Guess if they didn’t want to be crapped on day and night by a malevolent universe, they should have lived in America! This week, the Foreigns introduces you to some happenings overseas that we can safely laugh at only because they only happen to Foreign types, but otherwise they’d be pretty depressing. MORE »

Americans! You’re no doubt mourning the end of Fred Thompson’s “lazy like a lazy, lazy fox” strategy, which was supposed to provide our hottest First Lady since Frances Cleveland! We’re going to have to console ourselves with the sexy (male) spouses of those weird, unpronounceable people the Foreigns chose to lead their Foreign nations. MORE »

Wonkette’s own Nicolas Sarkozy corespondent has kept you all up to date on l’affaire Bruni, which may result in France having a supermodel/rock star/groupie first lady. Obviously this brings up an important policy-related question, keeping in mind Kissinger’s dictum on power being the ultimate aphrodisiac: Who is the hottest presidential spouse? This week, we start with the top four first ladies. But don’t call us sexist, just shallow! Next week we move on to the first gentlemen, assessing the field before before Bill Clinton’s sad eyes and bad-boy charm blow everyone else out of the water. MORE »