the five

We weren’t planning to do anything on Ariel Castro’s suicide, because really, “horrible person kills self” is just not brimming with comedic possibilities. And then along comes Eric Bolling on Fox’s The Five with this brilliant observation: hey, by committing suicide, Castro saved the Ohio prison system a whole bunch of money, so let’s look […]

Well, here is something totally unexpected: the moron quintet at Fox, The Five, is pretty sure thar be terrorists, or at least terrorist sympathizers, in Congress. And no, they’re not talking about Rep. Peter King, who is a bona fide terrorist sympathizer — but only for the white kind so it’s okay somehow, but shhh, […]

Greetings, rabble! Welcome to this week’s sad, sad roundup of stupid gun stuff. It is only our fifth entry in this series and already every week feels like an interminable slog through the most depressing and ridiculous and rage-inducing gun-related precincts of the American id. Just this week yr Wonkette brought you these shit-covered piles […]

The lack of internet access on planes used to provide people a bit of a forced break from being constantly connected to the miasma of awful penetrating our daily lives. However since Wifi access became a more or less standard feature on long flights, many people have decided to take advantage of this contained period […]

We don’t know how Eric Bolling, of Fox braintrust “The Five,” managed to talk about liberal indoctrination with math without even bothering to note that algebra was invented by A-RABS and is a Mooslem plot. But at least he is on the case of the Marxists at Scholastic teaching the distributive property with a worksheet […]

No, really, we’re asking. Because har har har women are catty bitches and The View and hortle flork manphlegm FEEL MY JIZZ is not funny — and not just because we are a humorless feminist! It is creepy and scary, and you can see even Dana Perino and the Brown-Haired One want as far away […]

In the wake of that football player shooting his  girlfriend and also an entire human history of widespread violence against women,Fox’s Dana Perino has an innovative solution  to end the abuse! Did you know that probably a majority of the time, women who are beaten consciously make a decision to be with the right nut […]

Here is Andrea Tantaros, one of the however-many hosts of Fox News’ The Five, showing a chart of the historically horrid unemployment rates for the 18-24 year old demographic and proceeding to make one of those savvy counterintuitive arguments that earn her the big bucks: “I’ve argued once that maybe the economic downturn was the […]

Did you hear that California — the Golden Dream by the Sea — is having a wee little problem with its economy? What happened was a million years ago some proto-Grover Norquists made it impossible to ever raise taxes in the state, both by requiring a two-thirds supermajority in the Lege and by mandating that […]