Tag Archives: the fed

  quiet rooms

Why Does Barack Obama Hate Rich People Today?

After years of trying to hide his commie pinko inclinations with aggressive free market policies and inclinations towards a deregulatory economic landscape, President Obama is FINALLY letting his socialist freak flag fly–and he’s doing it in PUBLIC, no less, where he has been talking about income inequality and its effect on America’s social fabric. Did you forget that he had made some big speeches about the middle class this week? We did too, because we were busy being distracted by Anthony Weiner‘s Carlos Danger’s penis, but luckily, the New York Times has written an article about Obama’s pivot to open socialist commie Marxism, (probably to distract everyone from BENGHAZI). Read more on Why Does Barack Obama Hate Rich People Today?…
  quiet rooms

Ben Bernanke’s Hip-Hop Barbecue Will Probably Not Create Jobs

How exciting, soon we will be in the midst of a third round of quantitative easing! Does this mean we should break out the Korbel and celebrate? No, it probably does not, because like most of our economic policies, it will mostly benefit Incorporated Americans and people with lots of investments and will punish Poors (i.e. most of America) and possibly cause some social unrest. Here let us Explainer you! Read more on Ben Bernanke’s Hip-Hop Barbecue Will Probably Not Create Jobs…
  fed the end

Congress And Ben Bernanke On Who’s In Charge Of Economy: One Two Three Not It!

Whose PROBLEM is this, you might be wondering, as you try desperately to save for your children’s college education, pay off your own student loans, keep up with the mortgage payments on a house worth less than what you owe on it, hope that you do not get sick, and contemplate a retirement age of around 80 (which, incidentally, is three years more than the average lifespan of American men and fourteen years longer than the average lifespan of African American men). Whose PROBLEM is this, you wonder, given that this lifestyle seems somewhere between impossible and unsustainable. The answer, of course, is that it is YOUR problem, DUH, seeing as government cannot create jobs and job creators simply do not want to create jobs. But soon, these years spent pinching pennies and praying for health will seem like some sort of golden age because it is about to get much worse, and everybody is under the impression that it is nobody’s job to do a damn thing about it. This is according to NBC news, which has brought us the appropriately titled article “Fed, Congress Fiddles as US Economy Stumbles.” (No, no one is actually playing a fiddle, and that is probably the most surprising thing in this article): Read more on Congress And Ben Bernanke On Who’s In Charge Of Economy: One Two Three Not It!…
  oh

Nobody Has Any Money, Least Of All The Government, Because We Are All Fat

Problem: we are all fat, and even those of us who aren’t are being forced to pay for things to accommodate the new, larger comforts required of the overweight, such as bigger toilets in hospitals, and bigger seats in public transportation! Conveying our cars across space requires a billion more gallons of gasoline per year now than if we were to weigh what we weighed in the 1960s, when we were all beanpoles and McDonald’s was about ten years into its quest for world domination. Reuters, gathering data from a study called the Campaign to End Obesity and research from economists at Duke University and others has itemized the bill for us and we shall all die of poverty if not obesity, unless we are bariatric or heart surgeons, or endocrinologists, who are doing quite well! But our one saving grace is that smokers “die early enough that they save Social Security, private pensions, and Medicare” a vast amount of money, in the trillions, which helps offset the cost of the overweights a little bit. Great! Let’s all smoke. Read more on Nobody Has Any Money, Least Of All The Government, Because We Are All Fat…
  shiny things

Newt Gingrich Loves GOLD!

Newt Gingrich has joined his sudden kindred spirit Ron Paul in saying that he believes there should be some kind of exploratory committee “to look at the concept of how do we get back to hard money.” In a discussion Tuesday at a foreign policy forum in South Carolina, Gingrich said as president he would set up a “gold commission” similar to the one President Reagan established, though CNN points out that Reagan’s group ultimately decided a gold standard was a stupid idea, even in the face of double-digit inflation. Read more on Newt Gingrich Loves GOLD!…
  haaaaaaaa

Federal Reserve Thought Housing Crisis Was Funny in 2006

The transcripts for the Federal Reserve’s 2006 meetings were released this week, and with them comes the news that the people in charge thought that the housing crisis was pretty hilarious at the time, and that the biggest problem facing the economy was inflation. That is to say, that the economy was growing too damn fast! And maybe there was slight cause for concern, things that are too good to be true being not usually true and all that. Even so, Timothy Geithner, then the president of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York and now Secretary of the Treasury, thought in December 2006, mere months before the subprime mortgage crisis hit, that “the fundamentals of the expansion going forward still look good.” Read more on Federal Reserve Thought Housing Crisis Was Funny in 2006…
  it's morning in america

Kyrgyz Ethnyk Unryst Out Of Contryl

Things are pretty bad when you’re asking the Russians to invade you, right? Well, it seems that things are pretty bad in y-happy Kyrgyzstan right now, with the ethnic riots, and the death, and the flows of refugees to the Uzbek border! And so they’re asking the Russians to, uh, send troops to restore order (i.e., invade). This is a plan where literally nothing could possibly go wrong! And when things don’t go wrong, they surely won’t have uncomfortable-making consequences for the U.S. and the Kyrgyz military base it has come to rely on rather heavily. Read more on Kyrgyz Ethnyk Unryst Out Of Contryl… Read more on Kyrgyz Ethnyk Unryst Out Of Contryl…
  daily briefing

Our Federal Government Is Rich… With Irony! Ho Ho

The government will run into trouble with its loans once the Fed raises interest rates and might even lose its new 7-bedroom townhouse in Phoenix. [New York Times] Pedophiles keep molesting children, despite ankle monitor tracking devices things that strongly suggest they consider doing otherwise. [Washington Post] Read more on Our Federal Government Is Rich… With Irony! Ho Ho…
  helicopter ben

Obama To Ruin Boring Martha’s Vineyard Vacation With Re-Appointment of Ben Bernanke

Have you ever had a holiday vacation on Martha’s Vineyard? So boring! Once you get over the “Ah and there’s where Ted Kennedy crashed his car and drowned that lady” historical thing — sorry, Denby! — you realize it’s just a place full of crappy tourist shops and terrible humid boiling weather and a bunch of ugly gated beach mansions surrounded by swamps, bogs and discarded “lobster rolls.” How to jazz it up? Barack Obama decided to go on the teevee to announce what everybody already knew he was doing: giving Ben Bernanke another term. Read more on Obama To Ruin Boring Martha’s Vineyard Vacation With Re-Appointment of Ben Bernanke…