December 9, 2013
What’s happening in the exciting/awful dullsville of dismantling America? Well, jaundiced boozebag John Boehner did just what his bosses told him — he even coordinated the extremist-corporate bill’s passage with the publication of some jackass propaganda posted under his byline at the National Review Online. But it didn’t matter, because the Senate immediately tabled the [...]
Now in his sixth decade as the world’s preeminent expert on U.S. foreign policy, retired Cuban president Fidel Castro writes in his newspaper column (in Cuba) that the Obama Administration is about to attack … Iran. One more war against one more Muslim country can’t make things worse, right? Right? Oh, Iran maybe has nuclear [...]
The economic recovery continues to be a complete fiction, like the Harry Potter books but without all the fun sex magick. Unemployment is officially back to 9%, with real unemployment at 22%. Energy and food costs keep rising as jobless benefits run out and wages are stagnant for the lucky ducks who still earn a [...]
Good morning, miserable jingoes! Here is your dumb news: The Japanese government has made a few small changes to “nuclear safety standards in schools.” Japanese schoolchildren can now be exposed to twenty times more radiation than was previously allowed! Parents are “furious” for some reason, and have “delivered a bag of radioactive playground earth to [...]
Here’s something, to kill you with, after the Retirement Age is changed to “when you cannot stand up anymore, and your hands are gnarled wads of bone and skin flaps,” and Paul Ryan needs some way to lure you to the Death Panel: Free roller coaster! And it ends in death. Courtesy of our favorite [...]
Almost a year after the worst oil spill in Recorded History, the picturesque Gulf Coast is once again teeming with life: From Mexico to Florida, small children are building sand condos, birds are squawking “thanks for cleaning all that oil off me, you guys rule,” and delicious popcorn shrimps are jumping out of the clean [...]
We thought he was plenty busy hating on Muslims — and why can’t the Muslims just shut their halal-holes and enjoy America’s endless bloody pointless murderous wars against Muslim countries, anyway? — but Rep. Peter King is also trying to shut down America’s ham radio frequencies.
Wait, why did they give this guy a show? Oh, never mind. [YouTube]
What did NASA send your Wonkette for some reason? Secret plans for the new Chevrolet space shuttle? A wacky “mash up” video of NASA accidents? No! It’s even better/worse than all that: “NASA will hold a news conference at 2 p.m. EST on Thursday, Dec. 2, to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the [...]
Happy “Whoops, We Invaded Afghanistan” Day! (Of course, back then it was called “Operation Enduring Hooray We ‘Liberated’ Afghanistan from the Towelheads.”) Nine years ago today, America sat on its XXL fundillo and “channel surfed” for cool night-vision footage of Kabul exploding and CNN cellphone camera videos of Army Rangers killing (“liberating”) things. Everyone loved [...]
Today House Republicans will unveil their new dumb list of terrible threats, a “Pledge to America.” What are these terrorists asking for, and how many bald eagles will they execute if their demands are unmet? Oh, they want to permanently extend Bush’s tax cuts for bazillionaires, cancel Stimulus spending, repeal Obamacare, and keep Gitmo open [...]
Lots of Wonkette readers sent us this embarrassing new GOP “America Speaking Out” website, because obviously we — as Americans who speak — should go flood this dumb thing with TruckNutz and whatever. Okay, that is a funny thing to do, on the Internet, but oh dear Jesus in Space why did you have to [...]
Barack Obama continued his “give speeches from the ruins of once-great industrial cities” tour today, visiting the stereotypical ruined rust-belt pit of Buffalo. He told the assembled crowd of unemployed people (the entire population of western and upstate New York) that something or other would be “the future,” and he purchased the local food item [...]
There’s a cheery new article in the Atlantic about how this country will never ever recover and nobody will ever have jobs again — especially the youth and the “working class,” both of whom have actually been not having jobs while living pathetic wrecked lives for a decade or so before the Great Recession.