Tag: the end

Boehner Proudly Passes His Dumb Bill, Senate Immediately Suffocates It

What's happening in the exciting/awful dullsville of dismantling America? Well, jaundiced boozebag John Boehner did just what his bosses told him -- he even coordinated the extremist-corporate bill's passage with the publication of some jackass propaganda posted under his...

Longtime U.S. Policy Expert Fidel Castro Says U.S. About To Attack Iran

Now in his sixth decade as the world's preeminent expert on U.S. foreign policy, retired Cuban president Fidel Castro writes in his newspaper column (in Cuba) that the Obama Administration is about to attack ... Iran. One more war...

Nearly a Third of American Mortgages ‘Underwater’

The economic recovery continues to be a complete fiction, like the Harry Potter books but without all the fun sex magick. Unemployment is officially back to 9%, with real unemployment at 22%. Energy and food costs keep rising as...

Japan Says It’s Okay For Children To Be Exposed To Lots Of Radiation

Good morning, miserable jingoes! Here is your dumb news: The Japanese government has made a few small changes to "nuclear safety standards in schools." Japanese schoolchildren can now be exposed to twenty times more radiation than was previously allowed!...

Death Panel Roller Coaster

Here's something, to kill you with, after the Retirement Age is changed to "when you cannot stand up anymore, and your hands are gnarled wads of bone and skin flaps," and Paul Ryan needs some way to lure you...

The Gulf Coast: Come For the Dead Baby Dolphins, Stay and Get Sick

Almost a year after the worst oil spill in Recorded History, the picturesque Gulf Coast is once again teeming with life: From Mexico to Florida, small children are building sand condos, birds are squawking "thanks for cleaning all that...

U.S. Death Squad Member Reveals All (Spoiler!)

Digg this! Just remember that we are fighting civilians over there so that we don't have to spend money on schools and paved roads here, in the Homeland. (Ha-ha, what? Oh right, Barack Obama is the most violent Nobel...

IRA Terrorist Peter King Now Wants To Take America’s Amateur Radio Band

We thought he was plenty busy hating on Muslims -- and why can't the Muslims just shut their halal-holes and enjoy America's endless bloody pointless murderous wars against Muslim countries, anyway? -- but Rep. Peter King is also trying...

Larry King Finally Died Or Something

Wait, why did they give this guy a show? Oh, never mind.

U.S. Government Will Announce Space Monster Invasion Tomorrow

What did NASA send your Wonkette for some reason? Secret plans for the new Chevrolet space shuttle? A wacky "mash up" video of NASA accidents? No! It's even better/worse than all that: "NASA will hold a news conference at...

Happy Nine Years of Fighting for Nothing In Afghanistan!

Happy "Whoops, We Invaded Afghanistan" Day! (Of course, back then it was called "Operation Enduring Hooray We 'Liberated' Afghanistan from the Towelheads.") Nine years ago today, America sat on its XXL fundillo and "channel surfed" for cool night-vision footage...

‘Pledge To America’ Will Restore Our Glorious Post-9/11 Society Of Fear

Today House Republicans will unveil their new dumb list of terrible threats, a "Pledge to America." What are these terrorists asking for, and how many bald eagles will they execute if their demands are unmet? Oh, they want to...

Dumb New GOP Website Actually a Heartbreaking Document of America’s Devastation

Lots of Wonkette readers sent us this embarrassing new GOP "America Speaking Out" website, because obviously we -- as Americans who speak -- should go flood this dumb thing with TruckNutz and whatever. Okay, that is a funny thing...

Some Old Gal In Buffalo Puts the Moves On Obama

Barack Obama continued his "give speeches from the ruins of once-great industrial cities" tour today, visiting the stereotypical ruined rust-belt pit of Buffalo. He told the assembled crowd of unemployed people (the entire population of western and upstate New...

America Will Never Recover From This Recession, The End

There's a cheery new article in the Atlantic about how this country will never ever recover and nobody will ever have jobs again -- especially the youth and the "working class," both of whom have actually been not having...

Hope You Did Not Get Blown Up For New Year’s, Everybody!

It's still early while your editor is typing these words, but thanks to the possible magic of "a scheduled warblog post," this should reach those of you near a computer about an hour before Midnight, 2010 .... unless, of...