Tag: the devil

Dumb Duggar Boy Won’t Let Satan Finger His Sisters Again

Hey, Jesus Lovers, OMG OMG OMG, are you so excited about watching TV tonight? No, not the primaries! What are you, some kind of politically minded DORKASS? No, we are talking about the premiere of the new season of "Duggar Diddles...
ooh, red eyes!!

One Million Moms Furious Olive Garden BFFs With Satan Now

Oh hey, look, One Million Moms, aka Seventeen Angry Dipsticks, is back! They're still mad about Fox's TV show "Lucifer," like they were before, but now they have a new target: Olive Garden, which sponsors the show. If you're not familiar...

Christian Energy Drink Lady Turns Her Crazy On Demon-Sexer Katy Perry

Wonkers, do you remember Christine Weick? She is a nice Christian lady who has this funny habit of losing her mind like a common Starbucks Red Cup protester at run-of-the-mill things, and she makes videos that go viral, as long...

Pissed Off God Levels Toledo For Failing To Elect Prophetess Opal Covey Mayor

Hey, Toledo, whatcha doin? Not smoking legal pot? WE HEARD. And we also heard you had "reasons" for not legalizing it. Whatever, you do you, with your "principles." But we aren't even having this conversation right now, Toledo, because...
GET IT GURL

Good Christian Housewives Declare War On Miss Piggy The Whore

It's been a while since yr Wonkette has checked in with the "One Million Moms" group (77,000 Facebook fans and counting!), and its fearless leader, the halfwit Never-Nude Monica Cole. Hi, Monica! If you don't remember, "One Million Moms" is...
Pastor Triggerfinger

Alabama Church Will Give You Shootin’ Lessons If You Give Your Heart To Jesus

Are you a little old lady who lives round about Chilton County, Alabama, who got a gun for your 90th birthday, because your crazy grandkids never can figure out what to buy for Mee-Maw? Last Christmas it was one-a-them...
It was thiiiiis big!

South Carolina Senator Cries Hilarious Man-Sobs For Confederate Flag Bested By Gayness

The South Carolina Senate voted Tuesday to remove the Confederate Flag from the state Capitol grounds, sending the bill to the state House, and hopefully, eventually, to Gov. Nikki Haley's desk. This is very bothersome for state Sen. Lee...

Antonin Scalia Tells Grads: Always Be Yourself, Unless You Are Hitler

Oh, Justice Scalia, what would the Supreme Court do without you? It's such a comfort to know that a brilliant, HILARIOUS legal mind like yours is adjudicating America's Most Important Questions. Scalia spoke at his grandbaby's high school graduation...

Homeless Crazy Jesus Lady Knows Who’s Being Invaded By Muslims (It Is Oklahoma)

Guys, do you remember Christine Weick? Of course you remember Christine Weick. Christine Weick is the nice and not at all bugshit crazy American Patriot who drives around in her SUV from town to town -- she is NOT...
Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not...
Jesus Saves... And makes regular backups

New Smartphone App Gets Satan Behind Thee, For Free!

If you find fighting off the Devil too difficult, or if you've just plain given in and joined His Satanic Majesty, which is pretty likely, since you're reading Wonkette, then televangelist Kyle Winkler (no relation to the Fonz, we're...

BREAKING! Nice Christian Lady Gets Satanic Drawing In Starbucks Foam, Remains Calm, Does Not Freak Out!

What is the world even coming to when a nice Catholic Louisiana lady gets a pentagram and a 666 drawn in her Starbucks foam -- and complains gently, mildly, kindly even, without even a threat to sue, boycott, or...

Herman Cain Has Found The Real Groper, And It Is ‘The Devil’

Herman Cain has spent the past two years trying to clear his name of wrongful accusations that he groped that lady, and the other lady, and that third chick, and we think two other ones as well it is...

Scalia Strews Seeds Of Sanity Among Mountains Of Madness In New York Magazine Interview

By now you are probably aware that Antonin Scalia, the Supreme Court Justice most likely to haunt your dreams, got asked some really solid questions by New York Magazine lady Jennifer Senior, and some of his answers turned out to be rather...

Ken Layne Interviews The Devil About 9/11, Stuff

Hmmm, well, here is a thing. It is Ken Layne, your deposed dictator, interviewing the Devil in the back of a San Francisco taxi, about 9/11 and religious wars and global warming ... and you guys, you might not...

Why Does Time Magazine Think New Pope Is The Devil?

Buzzfeed posits that Time Magazine gave New Pope devil horns. This is somewhat undercut by Buzzfeed including its own gallery of former Time covers of Jew- Devil-horned people. But it is somewhat un-undercut by the fact that those people...