John Ensign, yep, he’s got the scandals. Oh and this Mark Sanford, yes, he is flying back and forth to Argentina to have sexytime with Ms. Not His Wife. Hmm, what other GOP 2012 name is plagued by “tabloid scandals” — the one who steals Neiman Marcus clothes and made a Sex Den for her teen-aged daughter and spends all her time yelling at a late-night talk show host? EXTRA HINT TO RICH “STARBURST” LOWRY: You cum in your slacks when you see her on the teevee. [The Corner]

Former George Bush Jr. press secretary and current Mark Penn employee (as part of the Microtrend “My Concubines”), Dana Perino, simply does not care for this Barack Obama going to a Muslim country and addressing Muslims directly as Muslims, because somehow being aware of various cultural backgrounds is a zero-sum game, and for every Muslim Barack Obama pays attention to, an old white pentecostal nut in northwest Georgia is forced to sit at the back of the bus. Or so she wrote on America’s Blog! MORE »

At least there’s some basic Internet incompetence we can laugh at, together, as a nation. But this is probably the first post on the National Review online comedy hour, The Corner, that doesn’t fail every basic test of intellect and reason. [The Corner]

So about a week ago your editor here was sitting around late at night wondering, as she so often does, what ridiculous theory she could turn into a post for NBC, and she decided to write some wingnutty thing about Sonia Sotomayor’s senior thesis from her Princeton days. “As everybody can agree, senior theses are one of the best tools we have for evaluating potential Supreme Court justices,” she typed dumbly. “You should think about whether the Supreme Court really needs some judge who is so excited about Puerto Rican independence.” And today, you’ll never guess what they’re writing about over at The Corner! MORE »

The National Review The Corner blog’s Mark Krikorian hears how the people on teevee are pronouncing Sotomayor — “Zo-toe-my-OR” — and he goddamn does not care for that at all, so he goddamn will not pronounce it that way, goddamnit, fuck you all, learn to speak English. MORE »

• Cheney and his daughter bounced all around Manhattan the other day, trying to convince everyone to let him bomb Iran by noting that there’s a “giant conspiracy” (furtive conspiracy code name: “facts”) that’s in place to keep him from doing so. [Ben Smith]
• RAUCOUS INFIGHTING right now, at the Corner, as Jerry Taylor is standing athwart K-Lo pleasuring Rush Limbaugh and shouting “Stop!”… or something. [Matt Yglesias]
• Remember those torture photos Obama promised to release? The graphic novel accompaniment to Dick Cheney’s recent tween novel sensation Waterboarding Towards Bethlehem: A Nationbuildingsroman? So right, never mind about those. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Republicans blocked Obama’s second choice for deputy secretary of the interior department, and Interior Secretary Ken Salazar is so sad! [The Caucus]
• Obama is trying to make sure that the Olympics go to Chicago in 2016 because according to history as personified by Nate Silver, this is good news for the incumbent president. [538]

Hooray, we made a Jonah Goldberg post on The Corner! Time to break out the sparkling cider HMM? Jonah simply does not care for this website’s devastating investigative “reporting” (got an e-mail, determined the source was credible enough and the content was harmless, posted it as gossip — JUST LIKE B. WOODWARD), and says that he DID stand for the President… briefly… barely… shouldn’t even have to stand for that fucking guy… and that the problem was boredom. He went to a black-tie Washington reporters’ banquet but wasn’t expecting to be bored. MORE »

• The RNC wants to take away any of Michael Steele’s responsibilities that have to do with money, or the distribution thereof. All this because he is incompetent! [AMERICAblog]
• Byron “-ic Hero” York would like to point out that Obama isn’t that much of a popular President because a lot of people who like him are black. In fact, he goes on, Obama himself is black, which disqualifies him from being President anyway, so this whole thing is quite misleading hmmm? [Matt Yglesias]
• Gay marriage is on its way in New Hampshire, where the State Senate just signed a bill in favor of its legalizaiton. [Daily Intel]
• Joe Biden has basically admitted that since like the 70s, his frequent Amtrak miles were aggregated in furtive attempts to woo Arlen Specter to the Democratic Party. [Top of the Ticket]

“Weird news,” indeed. Christ! Can’t you people keep your foul third-rate romance/low-rent rendezvous off the freakin’ Internet, which really doesn’t need more pornography, and certainly not the kind you two would create. Ugh. Thanks, Sadly, No!, for the year’s supply of Nightmare Fuel. [The Corner]

National Review’s Catholic Mexican secretary Kathryn Jean “Jonah Goldberg” Lopez has a problem with her Internets, specifically that oh we don’t know maybe LUCIFER has control of it? “Access to porn is probably in your e-mail account’s inbox right now. You’re probably used to just manually erasing it as spam or setting up automated filters to block it out, but you know it’s out there in a big way. What are you going to do?” Maybe you can stop *accepting* those offers, K-Lo, and masturbate to the nearest peeling beige wall instead, like “Real America” does. MORE »

It was pretty useless and unnecessary for Barack Obama to go out of his way to give a major economics speech at one of Georgetown’s most haunting, gilded Jesus chambers on Tuesday and request that all symbols there be boarded up; because except for a few libtards, who cares if the three letters, “IHS,” are written on some wall. THEN AGAIN maybe he had those letters covered for the express purpose of watching National Review’s Kathryn Jean “Jonah Goldberg” Lopez flip out, which she did, providing ample entertainment for the American Internet during these tough economic times. So thank you for that, President Abortionist! MORE »