Tag Archives: the corner

  better than hanukkah?

Let’s All Celebrate Constitution Day With Orrin Hatch!

Wow, Constitution Day is already here? Looks like the holiday season that began last week with 9/11 is nearly over and we all will have to go back to work soon. So what do we do on Constitution Day? BLASPHEME! This holiday was created in 2004 when the late Robert Byrd stuck it into a spending bill and nobody cared. That funding bill mandates schools that receive federal funds to teach children on this day how to have safe sex with a copy of the Constitution. For further clarification, Orrin Hatch posted an article about this on The Corner today, where he is apparently the newest member of their crack blogging team. So you can imagine Orrin Hatch having a ménage à trois with Jonah Goldberg and Kathryn Jean Lopez… now. Read more on Let’s All Celebrate Constitution Day With Orrin Hatch!…
  let's nuke the corner

National Review Typing Person Unhappy With Being Mocked

Oh okay, fine, we’ll bite, but only because Newell emailed this and he’s supposed to be ON VACATION for a few days, Jesus, but whatever, here is what National Review Online typing person typed in response to, uh, Wonkette making fun of his dumb column actually calling for a nuclear bomb to be “used” to stop the BP oil spill, which more than a few commenters here have noted would, besides being Insane, require the drilling of a well to drop in the nuke. Read more on National Review Typing Person Unhappy With Being Mocked…
  america's leading authority on everything

Jonah Goldberg Upset That Ecological Apocalypse Could Undermine Political Support For Offshore Drilling

With this insane freaking oil rig down there shitting out all of the world’s oil at a pace that could reach six million gallons a day — the Exxon Valdez spill was 11 million gallons, total — destroying the entire Gulf Coast (again, but permanently) and sending price shocks throughout the global economy for a while, the National Review‘s in-house gimp Jonah Goldberg is getting all hot and bothered. Not so much about all that economic/environmental bunk — whatever. It’s that now Jonah will have to listen to these liberal wieners exploit this Actual Armageddon for their gay political gain, ugh. Read more on Jonah Goldberg Upset That Ecological Apocalypse Could Undermine Political Support For Offshore Drilling…
  fine young cannibals

Wall Street Assholes Will Eat Your Cushy Middle-Class Job

Once General Secretary Obama and Chief Commissar Pelosi have banned all capitalist activity more advanced that barter and turned Lower Manhattan into a giant open-air market for selling organic produce and hemp blankets, what will become of the tightly wound young men who made all that money for you and me, right up until the point where they destroyed America? You were probably hoping that, having no other skills, they would literally die, after being knifed by hobos in a fight for the least filthy spots under the freeway overpass. But it turns out that they’re just going to take away your jobs (assuming, of course, that you still have a job, after they destroyed the economy.) Read on to find out how you can defend yourself! (Hint: You cannot, they are relentless and unstoppable.) Read more on Wall Street Assholes Will Eat Your Cushy Middle-Class Job…
  has she ever even *had* sex?

K-Lo Getting Hairy Palms Because of All the Nasty Sexytime On the ‘Puter

Ever since National Review Online’s old maid Kathryn Jean Lopez heard about sex a few weeks ago, she has been frantically typing with one hand about all the dirty, dirty, dirty pornography on the Internet which is so filthy, so hawt, so nasty. (Actually, K-Lo “discovers” the p0rN every year about this time. It’s like some gross mating dance done by a weird prairie turkey.) Read more on K-Lo Getting Hairy Palms Because of All the Nasty Sexytime On the ‘Puter…
  the #1 internet blog

CORNER FIGHT! Sane Conservative Person Jim Manzi of the National Review, out of nowhere, has gone and stone cold eviscerated the dickens out of his colleague Mark Levin’s stupid bestseller book of lies. “It was awful. It was so bad that it was like the proverbial clock that chimes 13 times — not only is it obviously wrong, but it is so wrong that it leads you to question every other piece of information it has ever provided.” We think he has been holding this one back for some time. Uh oh, Andy McCarthy is first to spittle back! POPCORN. [The Corner] Read more on …
  keep that up and you'll go blind

Porn-Crazed Kathryn Jean Lopez Begs For ‘Steady Stream of E-mails Coming Into My Inbox’

Lonely National Review Online blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez regularly rhapsodizes over three untouchable Man-Gods (the Pope, Ronald Reagan and Jonah Goldberg) and sternly disapproves of almost everything else in our Earthly Realm, especially Pornography. Now, however, K-Lo is literally begging readers of her hilarious group-blog “The Corner” to send their porn confessions — all because some lady called “Anonymous” posted some tragic thing blaming naked pictures on the Internet for making her husband abandon her and her nineteen children. So sad, this modern world. Read more on Porn-Crazed Kathryn Jean Lopez Begs For ‘Steady Stream of E-mails Coming Into My Inbox’…
  oh boy

A Children’s Treasury Of National Review Online’s Most Comical Passages From The Past 24 Hours

Political scribes at National Review’s The Corner — the #1 Internet blog — have displayed a range of reactions to the passage of last night’s abortion mandate. Mark Steyn and John Derbyshire, for example, are pretty sure that the entire world (America) will start disintegrating into barbarism, Jonah Goldberg believes something about a super-collider (?), and Mitt Romney thinks that he isn’t really really screwed. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of National Review Online’s Most Comical Passages From The Past 24 Hours…
  that traitor reagan is next

Jonah Goldberg Decides Next Wingnut Target Is … Teddy Roosevelt

Not even teabaggers and wingnuts pay any attention to Jonah Goldberg, but he still wants in on this whole GOP purge & self-destruct thing he saw on the Internet, so he has bravely submitted the dead Republican president Teddy “Theodore” Roosevelt as the next victim. Why must the beloved GOP icon be destroyed? Because Jonah actually looked up this Roosevelt guy on Yahoo and whoops, communist much, Teddy? No wonder they called him “The Bull Moose Pulpit” or whatever. Read more on Jonah Goldberg Decides Next Wingnut Target Is … Teddy Roosevelt…
  crimes against humanity

James O’Keefe Releases Important Statement

Remember that letter Martin Luther King Jr. wrote from a Birmingham jail? What about Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf. Each one a stirring moral treatise on society’s injustices, a refusal to Stand Down. Well guess what: starting today they both suck, because ACORN douche-pimp James O’Keefe, ringleading bitch of the Watergate Jr. Four, has one-upped most letters about injustice with his own. Let us Read. Read more on James O’Keefe Releases Important Statement…
  satanic pacts also

GREAT MOMENTS FROM THE #1 INTERNET BLOG: Mark Krikorian, people. And the italics are, indeed, his: “My guess is that Haiti’s so screwed up because it wasn’t colonized long enough.” Oh my god. “But, unlike Jamaicans and Bajans and Guadeloupeans, et al., after experiencing the worst of tropical colonial slavery, the Haitians didn’t stick around long enough to benefit from it. (Haiti became independent in 1804.). And by benefit I mean develop a local culture significantly shaped by the more-advanced civilization of the colonizers.” Most correct explanation of anything ever. [The Corner via Instaputz] Read more on …
  things that obviously happened

Jonah Goldberg Inks Big Book Deal, World Expecting To Be Blown Away

In honor of Jonah Goldberg’s hot new million-dollar book deal, we thought we’d re-share this great moment from our nation’s most greatest political thinker ever. When’s your book coming out, average reader? [Gawker] Read more on Jonah Goldberg Inks Big Book Deal, World Expecting To Be Blown Away…
  no not these

“A MUST-READ ORGAN OF CONSERVATIVE OPINION”: this is how The Corner’s #1 accurate describer of things Rich Lowry characterizes Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, with those words right over there. The ones in caps. No, no, in black. The bold ones right above right here. There are like seven of them? Just keeping looking until you find them. [The Corner via Ben Smith] Read more on …
  kind of a crappy rainbow

Check Out What The Christian God Did Today

So that horrific killing spree put a real damper on the day’s comedy prospects, although we’re sure Wolf Blitzer’s trying his inadvertent best to make us all laugh again. But know that before the sadness in Texas, God painted the teabaggers a rainbow. And then someone in an office took a picture of the Teabaggers’ Rainbow and e-mailed it to K-Lo, the end. [The Corner] Read more on Check Out What The Christian God Did Today…