Tag Archives: the corner

  keep that up and you'll go blind

Porn-Crazed Kathryn Jean Lopez Begs For ‘Steady Stream of E-mails Coming Into My Inbox’

Lonely National Review Online blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez regularly rhapsodizes over three untouchable Man-Gods (the Pope, Ronald Reagan and Jonah Goldberg) and sternly disapproves of almost everything else in our Earthly Realm, especially Pornography. Now, however, K-Lo is literally begging readers of her hilarious group-blog “The Corner” to send their porn confessions — all because some lady called “Anonymous” posted some tragic thing blaming naked pictures on the Internet for making her husband abandon her and her nineteen children. So sad, this modern world. Read more on Porn-Crazed Kathryn Jean Lopez Begs For ‘Steady Stream of E-mails Coming Into My Inbox’…
  oh boy

A Children’s Treasury Of National Review Online’s Most Comical Passages From The Past 24 Hours

Political scribes at National Review’s The Corner — the #1 Internet blog — have displayed a range of reactions to the passage of last night’s abortion mandate. Mark Steyn and John Derbyshire, for example, are pretty sure that the entire world (America) will start disintegrating into barbarism, Jonah Goldberg believes something about a super-collider (?), and Mitt Romney thinks that he isn’t really really screwed. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of National Review Online’s Most Comical Passages From The Past 24 Hours…
  that traitor reagan is next

Jonah Goldberg Decides Next Wingnut Target Is … Teddy Roosevelt

Not even teabaggers and wingnuts pay any attention to Jonah Goldberg, but he still wants in on this whole GOP purge & self-destruct thing he saw on the Internet, so he has bravely submitted the dead Republican president Teddy “Theodore” Roosevelt as the next victim. Why must the beloved GOP icon be destroyed? Because Jonah actually looked up this Roosevelt guy on Yahoo and whoops, communist much, Teddy? No wonder they called him “The Bull Moose Pulpit” or whatever. Read more on Jonah Goldberg Decides Next Wingnut Target Is … Teddy Roosevelt…
  crimes against humanity

James O’Keefe Releases Important Statement

Remember that letter Martin Luther King Jr. wrote from a Birmingham jail? What about Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf. Each one a stirring moral treatise on society’s injustices, a refusal to Stand Down. Well guess what: starting today they both suck, because ACORN douche-pimp James O’Keefe, ringleading bitch of the Watergate Jr. Four, has one-upped most letters about injustice with his own. Let us Read. Read more on James O’Keefe Releases Important Statement…
  satanic pacts also

GREAT MOMENTS FROM THE #1 INTERNET BLOG: Mark Krikorian, people. And the italics are, indeed, his: “My guess is that Haiti’s so screwed up because it wasn’t colonized long enough.” Oh my god. “But, unlike Jamaicans and Bajans and Guadeloupeans, et al., after experiencing the worst of tropical colonial slavery, the Haitians didn’t stick around long enough to benefit from it. (Haiti became independent in 1804.). And by benefit I mean develop a local culture significantly shaped by the more-advanced civilization of the colonizers.” Most correct explanation of anything ever. [The Corner via Instaputz] Read more on …
  things that obviously happened

Jonah Goldberg Inks Big Book Deal, World Expecting To Be Blown Away

In honor of Jonah Goldberg’s hot new million-dollar book deal, we thought we’d re-share this great moment from our nation’s most greatest political thinker ever. When’s your book coming out, average reader? [Gawker] Read more on Jonah Goldberg Inks Big Book Deal, World Expecting To Be Blown Away…
  no not these

“A MUST-READ ORGAN OF CONSERVATIVE OPINION”: this is how The Corner’s #1 accurate describer of things Rich Lowry characterizes Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, with those words right over there. The ones in caps. No, no, in black. The bold ones right above right here. There are like seven of them? Just keeping looking until you find them. [The Corner via Ben Smith] Read more on …
  kind of a crappy rainbow

Check Out What The Christian God Did Today

So that horrific killing spree put a real damper on the day’s comedy prospects, although we’re sure Wolf Blitzer’s trying his inadvertent best to make us all laugh again. But know that before the sadness in Texas, God painted the teabaggers a rainbow. And then someone in an office took a picture of the Teabaggers’ Rainbow and e-mailed it to K-Lo, the end. [The Corner] Read more on Check Out What The Christian God Did Today…
  jonah goldberg is also not a parody

Jonah Goldberg Discovers Funniest Story On Entire Internet

Ha ha ha ha ha hahha ahah, so good, but wait, where’s the… oh…OHHHH! The story itself is the punchline! And yet, what could the specific comedic mechanism be here? Maybe that it’s silly for the U.N. to do this when America is the richest and freest country in the world so obviously there couldn’t be any problems like this. DUH. More likely, though, Jonah just thinks the term “special rapporteur” is French and gay and made up. But it’s… the term they use? For these positions? Oh Jonah. One time he wrote a book about how American liberals are really Nazis! [The Corner via Gawker] Read more on Jonah Goldberg Discovers Funniest Story On Entire Internet…
  lowry vs. latimer

Douchey No Name Bush Speechwriter “Matt Latimer” Puts The Corner In A Corner!

Rich Lowry vs. Matt Latimer, this is so on! The ONE TIME Rich Lowry goes to work and puts on his bowler hat and three piece suit and pretends to be a newspaper-man, Matt Latimer, former Bush speechwriter/social chair of Mars’ douchiest fraternity, refuses to answer any of Lowry’s broadsheet journalism media questions! “Matt Latimer, isn’t the fact that you’re in a pederastic relationship with Donald Rumsfeld—and the fact that you’re currently helping him write his own memoir—call into question your favorable characterization of said human?” Lowry asked within the pages of his forgotten reactionary quarto, “Corner.” Now watch Matt Latimer defer to a mid-range Roomba named “Kevin Kellems.” Read more on Douchey No Name Bush Speechwriter “Matt Latimer” Puts The Corner In A Corner!…
  haw haw haw

Conservatives So, So Happy That Obama Could Not Bring Economy-Spurring Olympics To America

The brilliant political humans at National Review‘s The Corner — the #1 Internet blog — are cold slappin’ high-fives and chuggin’ jars of Elmer’s glue because they are just so happy that the American president was unable to bring the biggest sporting event on earth, and a boon to the local economy of Chicago, to America. Thanks for trying, Obama — NOT. Get it?? Ha ha ha! Fuck you Obama you fuck! STIMULUS — FAIL. OLYMPICS — FAIL. HEALTH CARE — GAY. RACISM — FAIL. RUSSIA — FAIL. IRAN — FAIL. ENERGY — WORTHLESS. (Oh btw, Rio won. Congrats Rio!) [The Corner] Read more on Conservatives So, So Happy That Obama Could Not Bring Economy-Spurring Olympics To America…
  yes they will

Will Conservatives Adopt ‘Teabagger’ As Their ‘N-Word’?

Linguistic smart-person Jay Nordlinger of National Review‘s The Corner — the #1 Internet blog — sees the future, of words, in a post today: “It could be that conservatives will ‘own the insult’ and use ‘teabagger’ as a badge of honor. It could become some proud conservative N-word. President Reagan said, ‘I’m a contra, too.’ Well, I’m a teabagger too — and the Anderson Cooper types can [go jump in a lake]. Still, I find the word kind of sickening, and its rapid spread and acceptance even more sickening.” It’s Tuesday afternoon at The Corner! [The Corner] Read more on Will Conservatives Adopt ‘Teabagger’ As Their ‘N-Word’?…
  grampa cornpants

Where Is Chuck Grassley Going Insane Today? Oh, On ‘The Corner’

Confused old person Sen. Chuck Grassley, who is two or three more annoying media turns away from finally getting booted from health care negotiations, has found another outlet receptive to his newfound bad-faith curmudgeonly psychobabble: National Review‘s The Corner, the #1 blog on the Internet. In an interview with the site’s Robert Costa, “Grassley says ‘the jury is out’ on whether he might leave the negotiating table. ‘I’ll make a decision on walking away if it becomes clear that I can’t get a good agreement.'” Harumph! So let us ask, for the 850,000th time in six months, what in hell would be a “good agreement” for you, Chuck Grassley? Read more on Where Is Chuck Grassley Going Insane Today? Oh, On ‘The Corner’…
  that didn't take long

Never Mind, National Review Is Birthers, Too

Remember that weird day earlier this week when famous wingnut pamphlet National Review made that bold anti-birther stand, saying it was really time to distance the once-respected conservative mag from the retard-right “Nobama’s the illegal alien” trailer-park circus? Well, ha ha, whoops, never mind: “On reflection, I think this was an ill-considered assertion.” And blam, four pages of Errg, where’s the long-term certification I heard that’s considerable different from short-stop computer certificates? Blacks can’t be president! [National Review] Read more on Never Mind, National Review Is Birthers, Too…
  republicans in the news

Wingnut National Review Enrages Wingnuts By Calling Birther Conspiracy a Bunch of Nonsense

It’s a good thing National Review isn’t a Real American business that need to make money or anything, because otherwise it would go broke after the outrageous decision by its libtard editors to publish a long, detailed and sane deconstruction of the Birther Conspiracy. Of course, none of the NRO cowards would dare sign their actual name to such an outrage against Ron Paul’s Constitution, so it’s just signed by “The Editors” — French for “le pussies.” Really, look at what these socialist zeroes are writing about Nobama: “Like Bruce Springsteen, he has a lot of bad political ideas; but he was born in the U.S.A.” Read more on Wingnut National Review Enrages Wingnuts By Calling Birther Conspiracy a Bunch of Nonsense…
  love hurts

NRO Editor Can’t Get Himself To Mention Sarah Palin’s Tabloid Scandals

John Ensign, yep, he’s got the scandals. Oh and this Mark Sanford, yes, he is flying back and forth to Argentina to have sexytime with Ms. Not His Wife. Hmm, what other GOP 2012 name is plagued by “tabloid scandals” — the one who steals Neiman Marcus clothes and made a Sex Den for her teen-aged daughter and spends all her time yelling at a late-night talk show host? EXTRA HINT TO RICH “STARBURST” LOWRY: You cum in your slacks when you see her on the teevee. [The Corner] Read more on NRO Editor Can’t Get Himself To Mention Sarah Palin’s Tabloid Scandals…
  what we need now is george w. bush

Dana Perino Writes Wingnut Laments For NRO The Corner, Too

Former George Bush Jr. press secretary and current Mark Penn employee (as part of the Microtrend “My Concubines”), Dana Perino, simply does not care for this Barack Obama going to a Muslim country and addressing Muslims directly as Muslims, because somehow being aware of various cultural backgrounds is a zero-sum game, and for every Muslim Barack Obama pays attention to, an old white pentecostal nut in northwest Georgia is forced to sit at the back of the bus. Or so she wrote on America’s Blog! Read more on Dana Perino Writes Wingnut Laments For NRO The Corner, Too…
  nostradamus

Wonkette Editors Can See Into The Future (When The Future Involves Puerto Rican Separatists)

So about a week ago your editor here was sitting around late at night wondering, as she so often does, what ridiculous theory she could turn into a post for NBC, and she decided to write some wingnutty thing about Sonia Sotomayor’s senior thesis from her Princeton days. “As everybody can agree, senior theses are one of the best tools we have for evaluating potential Supreme Court justices,” she typed dumbly. “You should think about whether the Supreme Court really needs some judge who is so excited about Puerto Rican independence.” And today, you’ll never guess what they’re writing about over at The Corner! Read more on Wonkette Editors Can See Into The Future (When The Future Involves Puerto Rican Separatists)…
  wah wah wah

National Review: We Pronounce ‘Sotomayor’ However We WANT

The National Review The Corner blog’s Mark Krikorian hears how the people on teevee are pronouncing Sotomayor — “Zo-toe-my-OR” — and he goddamn does not care for that at all, so he goddamn will not pronounce it that way, goddamnit, fuck you all, learn to speak English. Read more on National Review: We Pronounce ‘Sotomayor’ However We WANT…