Tag Archives: the corner

  thanksgiving at the corner

Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Suddenly that gas price no longer indicates how old this photo is!
Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of some factory farm turkey. Read more on Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers…
  Boo Yoo Too

Dubya’s Rottenest Torture Turd John Yoo Has Important Thoughts On NSA Leaks And The Rule Of Law

Remember all the fun we had debating whether torture was torture? Well, the good times don’t have to end, because everyone’s favorite unindicted war criminal John Yoo is back at National Review Online’s Treasury of Travesties “The Corner” to remind us all that John Yoo is a fucking disgrace. In this installment of “John Yoo’s John Yoo Is A Fucking Disgrace Internet Column,” John Yoo informs us that we must “Prosecute Snowden.” A fascinating thesis that is arguably true! But will John Yoo make our heads explode by padding out his column with infuriating conflations and First Amendment hypocrisy? Ha, does the Pope wash lady feet? Read more on Dubya’s Rottenest Torture Turd John Yoo Has Important Thoughts On NSA Leaks And The Rule Of Law…
  Stupid Like A Fox

Sorbonne-Trained Economist Very Upset That Tesla Hasn’t Crashed Yet

Veronique de Rugy is a Doctrix of The Economy, says the Sorbonne, which is weird because the impression yr Wonkette gets from reading her column is that she learned everything she knows about economics from a cardboard cutout of Ron Paul’s left nut. Witness her latest on the ever-comical National Review Online’s The Corner, in which she argues that Tesla is great and all, but the really important thing is that Tesla is terrible. Or rather, to be fair, the idea of Tesla is terrible. It’s the old joke: It works in practice, but does it work in theory? Actually, to be really fair (because this stuff is important) she argues that “the government shouldn’t be in the business of lending money to private companies” because “most of the money goes to companies that could have gotten capital on their own,” and some stuff about “distortions” which are awesome when a guitar is doing them, but bad for the economy. Yr Wonkette learned everything we know about economics from the internet, but we feel pretty confident that we can eviscerate these are-you-even-trying crusts of hoary free-market dogma quite convincingly! Read more on Sorbonne-Trained Economist Very Upset That Tesla Hasn’t Crashed Yet…
  yellow badge of courage

Totally Brave Anonymous NRO Writer Does Not Care For Gabby Giffords Calling People ‘Cowards’

Why is Gabby Giffords bullying the US Senate, Instapundit, and, now, the entire brave staff of NRO? She is all laughing at their outfits and telling them to stop trying to make “fetch” happen. She is the meanest. She is the worst. Read more on Totally Brave Anonymous NRO Writer Does Not Care For Gabby Giffords Calling People ‘Cowards’…
  the rabbit died

Universe Implodes Under Combined Weight of Maggie Gallagher, Kathryn Jean Lopez’s Giant Brains

We had such high hopes for the greatest tete a tete of this or any era, When Maggie Met K-Lo. But it turns out, when you get two overly repressed spinsters together to kaffeeklatsch on Gays and Stuff, it is actually really fucking boring. Maggie and K-Lo are all like, boo Karl Rove, boo truces, yay culture war that is how Republicans will win yesterday, today, and tomorrow, boo Gerald Ford (!), and boo taking away the ‘civil rights’ that is allowing people to vote on other people’s civil rights. YAWN, LADIES. It doesn’t even have the piquancy of K-Lo’s twitstream, which at least is hilariously focused on how we are oppressing the bishops by not allowing them to Torquemada other people’s sex lives for them, and also how she tweets novenas like twice a day (and also retweets her own NRO posts like 9 times each, just ICYMI). And nowhere does it question Maggie about how getting ditched by a dude when she was a preggers co-ed leads to the math science of words (LOGIC!) that lesbies and gheyz can’t marry each other because that guy didn’t marry Maggie Gallagher SAD FACE EMOTICON. So let’s check in on just one question, one VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION, about why is the Supreme Court infringing on religious liberty by not making evangelical Christianisms the law of the land? Read more on Universe Implodes Under Combined Weight of Maggie Gallagher, Kathryn Jean Lopez’s Giant Brains…
  thanksgiving at the corner

K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of some factory farm turkey. Read more on K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers…
  Annals of Journamalism

NRO Simply Does Not Care For ‘Insane’ Questions About Romney’s Bizarre Libya Statement

So, you know how Willard Mittingston Wigglesworth Romney IV made a very important foreign policy statement about the murders of American diplomats in Libya, which kind of left even Republican foreign-policy experts gobsmacked at its tone-deaf injection of politics into a developing foreign crisis? Yeah, that thing. Well, now. Katrina Trinko at NRO’s “The Corner” would just like to point out that reporters asking questions about the crazy thing Romney said is the thing that is actually crazy, thank you very much: Read more on NRO Simply Does Not Care For ‘Insane’ Questions About Romney’s Bizarre Libya Statement…
  chains of fools

Romney Campaign Adds ‘Chains’ To List Of Words Joe Biden Is Not Allowed To Say

The Romney Campaign just cannot believe it this time, and you will not either. You will be so embarrassed at the shameful tactics of your side, and will agree completely with the campaign’s demand for an apology. You guys, Joe Biden said “chains.” Read more on Romney Campaign Adds ‘Chains’ To List Of Words Joe Biden Is Not Allowed To Say…
  that's not racial transcendence

NRO Hires Racisty Racist It Can Dig Up, For Racism

It seems like just two months ago that the august and erudite National Review Online was having to face its terrible shame and can all its writers for being bald horrible racists. And yet their newest fellow likes to write things about how the Founding Fathers didn’t let black people vote for a reason. And also why we should declare all Muslims (ALL OF THEM) enemy combatants and get it over with. That second thing, the Muslimy one, that is just your typical Tuesday on the #WARBLOGS, so nobody will pay that one no nevermind. But that thing about black people, and why they (oh, and women, because someone has pecker issues) shouldn’t be allowed to vote? That does seem to be beyond the pale in the Civilized Right. (HAHA, yeah, no it isn’t, we totally lied.) Read more on NRO Hires Racisty Racist It Can Dig Up, For Racism…
  inquisition slash fiction

K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit

Wingnut Catholic slash-fiction blog National Review Online insisted, at 4 a.m. today (!), that fake Catholic convert Newt Gingrich quit losing the GOP primary and instead let authentic Catholic wingnut Rick Santorum continue losing against Mormon liberal Mitt Romney. This is apparently news, even though Kathryn Jean Lopez has always loved Rick Santorum nearly as much as she loves Joseph Ratzinger in his lovely Prada slippers and bejeweled hat and silken dress. Will Newt respect the decision of K-Lo and immediately drop out of the race, to allow Rick Santorum a longer public moment to discuss sperm and gynecology and the right holes to ejaculate into, etc.? There is, after all, a sense that America needs this, for the next 10 or 11 months straight. Read more on K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit…
  wonkette world o' books

Why Must Barack Obama Have His Own Taste in Books?

What does one say when confronted with a president who reads books while he’s on vacation? Surely something like “Why must you, President Smarty Pants, follow your interests when the time comes to select reading material? Why can’t you read something I would like to read? Why aren’t you me? After all, I am secretly a very important man/woman.” At least that’s what we should think, according to various opinion pieces recently posted on the wretched Internet. Read more on Why Must Barack Obama Have His Own Taste in Books?…
  bible stories

Marcus Bachmann Is Only Charge of Michele’s *Important* Decisions, Guys

Everyone’s number one spiritual question for today is: “Should Michele Bachmann ask her gay husband permission if she just wants to have a regular Coke once in a while?” THIS WAS LAST NIGHT’S MOST IMPORTANT GOP DEBATE QUESTION, which was mysteriously booed by the Jerry Springer audience. Anyway, this issue is so important that Bristol Palin’s memoir ghostwriter Nancy French decided (?) to swing by The Corner and type some soothing Christian words to explain, carefully, that Marcus is not Michele’s leather daddy for some Biblical reason other than the obvious one. Sure, we will listen to you, person who writes all day long about the Palin family, veritable “super expert” on Christian living! What was Michele Bachmann really saying when she told us back in June that she became a tax lawyer because God Marcus told her to? “The concept of submission is a bit more nuanced than our feminist sisters understand. Christian women are under the authority of their husbands,” French writes. Weird, that doesn’t sound very nuanced at all! Read more on Marcus Bachmann Is Only Charge of Michele’s *Important* Decisions, Guys…
  whiners

Gabby Giffords Appearance Makes Jonah Goldberg Curse Everybody Out

Touchy maggot sack Jonah Goldberg got into “one of his moods” today and typed a column entitled “To Hell With You People” over in his Corner, because he is incredibly sick to his stomach that the vicious liberal media did not bother to crucify and poop on Joe Biden’s corpse for saying something dumb and politically incorrect about how Tea Party legislators were “acting like terrorists” during the debt ceiling negotiations. SUCK DEVIL BALLZ all of you liberal elites, because Gabby Giffords’ surprise appearance in Congress reminds Jonah not of healing or hope, but of exactly how mean everybody in the leftist media was to his irrelevant gun freak girlfriend Sarah Palin when Giffords was shot. A little fairness, you socialist commie assholes? Read more on Gabby Giffords Appearance Makes Jonah Goldberg Curse Everybody Out…
  urban youths

National Review: Weiner Scandal Is Like Urban Youth With the Hip Hop

Let us get something out of the way, first: We almost totally agree with the National Review Online “The Corner” writer who typed this about the Anthony Weiner scandal. The whole story is gross and doesn’t really matter and says very little about us, as a people, except for what we already know — that we’re a gross nation of gross people doing gross things, on Twitter. But, because it was published on the National Review comedy blog, “The Corner,” it needed some ridiculous and offensive racial stereotype thrown in there, just to maintain institutional equilibrium. In other words, Anthony Weiner twit-picking his yfrog to some gal was just like the black youth and their loud hip-hop. Read more on National Review: Weiner Scandal Is Like Urban Youth With the Hip Hop…
  they hate us just because we kill them all

National Review Writer Accidentally Writes True Thing

This doesn’t ever really happen, so we thought the moment should be memorialized: Andrew McCarthy, the National Review/”Brat Pack” blogger, wrote a sentence that in its clarity and honesty is unlike all other National Review Online sentences: “What really increases terrorist recruitment is invading Muslim countries, killing Muslims there, and staying to try to build Western democracies.” The context? Who cares! We are not reading the whole thing because it will just be dumb, and probably about how Muslims could have American Democracy if they wanted, but they don’t, because they hate freedom and love sharia. Oh no, now we’re going to have to look and see if he actually wrote that, too … yep, he wrote it. Read more on National Review Writer Accidentally Writes True Thing…
  valentine's day massacre

Kathryn Jean Lopez Asks Someone To Tell Her About Being Married

It’s Valentine’s Day, everybody — otherwise known as “the saddest day at National Review Online.” But NRO editor Kathryn Jean Lopez isn’t one to hide behind her sadness and resignation and Jonah Goldberg screensaver (when he was young and kind of cute). Instead, K-Lo asked a “marriage expert” to explain why she cannot seem to find the happiness Jesus Christ intended for her, in the form of wedded bliss to some tough guy, maybe Tony Soprano, so she wouldn’t have to live out her days as a spinster blogging in an apartment. Imagine the house she could have, in New Jersey! And children, just running around the way children probably run around, on the lawn or whatever. A lawn with a crucifix-picket fence, maybe. Some flowers or whatever, an herb garden. And this might be the night Tony comes home all ginned up and randy, with the sedan parked haphazardly on the lawn! Baby No. 3 could be created tonight. Read more on Kathryn Jean Lopez Asks Someone To Tell Her About Being Married…