Wonkette

Today is an exciting day on the Corner, the best National Review blog on the Internet, period. Not only is the fat Mexican secretary Jonah Goldberg yelling at slummy Kathleen Parker for trying to sneak into the Sexy Obama Dance Parties with her Gorilla God-hating cigarette dildo columns, but Parker’s ex-BFF, Kathryn Jean Lopez — who No Longer Reads Wonkette — has been begging National Review’s readers for money in at least 20 million posts for the last two days. Donate, people! MORE »

There were always two of them, at America’s favorite comedy blog, National Review Online. It was the Rule of the Two, as written by Dark Lord Reagan, on Dagoba. “Kathleen” would be a clever writer and kind of funny and attractive, although still a terrible Fascist, and “Kathryn” would be, well, “K-Lo.” Obviously, the smarter of the two would eventually be forced to admit that Sarah Palin is a dumb cretin. And now this one, Kathleen Parker, is touching herself in a tub of Holy Water, while smoking her last cigarette and laughing at the idiot bible-thumpers who ruined the Republican Party, forever. This is all in the Washington Post! MORE »

Have you ever been at a party and had a swell time drinking fancy drinks with nifty folks and suddenly you look up, it’s 3:30 in the morning, all the cool kids have gone home, and you’re stuck on a pee-stained couch drinking vodka and milk cocktails with a pimpled, silent loser pawing your knee? That is the story of the National Review, where David Frum says he’ll no longer be writing. (In this somewhat tortured metaphor, Frum is actually one of the “cool kids,” the party is over, and you have to give Kathryn Jean Lopez a ride home and hope she doesn’t vomit in your car.) MORE »

Kathleen Parker, a famous conservative person at the National Review who TRAITOROUSLY has some doubts about Sarah Palin, has received tens of thousands of wingnut e-mails from NR readers advising her to be retroactively aborted. And after Parker’s latest syndicated column, which appears on National Review Online today, she will probably get an additional 450 million e-mails telling her to simply die. One of these will probably come from NRO editor Kathryn Jean Lopez, who has posted a catty response to Parker’s column on the Corner in which she promises to kill Parker after the election. So let’s explore Parker’s column about how John McCain picked Sarah Palin just so he could fuck her, and the resulting denouement. MORE »

Over on the spastic Corner blog at National Review Online, famous conservative Ed Whelan has brought up a very interesting point about the great hypocrite, Barack Obama: that if Roe v. Wade had come to pass but a few Earth-years earlier, the terrible fetus Barack Obama would have almost surely been aborted faster than your average prep school broken-condom demon zygote. Because his mother was a dumb feminist liberal, of course, and all she wanted to do was kill her Barry before too many of his cells duplicated into viable human features. Think about it. It means… nothing. This argument is balls. MORE »

There was nothing good about Sarah Palin’s debate performance last night, at all. But! Some party hacks are pretending to like it, or say she won, because of how well she avoided saying anything of substance. The “buzz word” regarding the key to her success (among no one) is that she spoke in very “folksy” tones, and they appeal to the Heartland. For the first time ever, our punditry is being lazy! “Folksy” is more of an Ann Richards thing. What Sarah Palin did was called “flirting.” And so far, at least one pundit on National Review’s The Corner blog has disclosed how much of a boner he got, in potentially the greatest Corner post of all time. MORE »

What’s even better than watching these terrifying clips of Sarah Palin and Katie Couric every night? Reading our favorite chit-chat blog, National Review’s The Corner, the next morning! The Palin-Couric Sessions have been SO OBJECTIVELY HORRIFYING, and it’s a real hoot watching the Corner bloggers scramble together new Republican make-shift counterpoints each and every time. Today, for example, they argue that Joe Biden’s interview last night about the Supreme Court was worse than Sarah Palin’s, and that the American people will sympathize more with Sarah Palin because oh who the fuck knows. MORE »

DID YOU KNOW WINGNUTS ARE CRAZY? A couple of National Review lady writers on the fun conservative blog “The Corner” both wrote some very mild criticisms of famous Russia-looking-at Alaskan Sarah Palin. And now all the half-wit half-literate anger bears who usually send their deranged murder fantasies to, say, Wonkette, are sending all this dumb bile to these conservative ladies! [Gawker]

It’s not just John McCain, but all of “these people,” who can think of no better way to spend their time than by making petty one-liners about Barack Obama giving a speech to a large number of human beings somewhere. Famous conservative bastion The Corner — the National Review’s chit-chatty blog — is having a field day even by its high standards. After the jump, some of the notable moments from this online club of semi-literate divorcees forever bitching about their exes. MORE »

William F. Buckley Jr., the founder of conservative politics, died yesterday, leaving a decrepit magazine and its very-Y2K blog as heirs. If you thought the endless eulogies on the National Review’s Corner blog might veer towards hyperbole as the news cycles went on, you were underestimating. How is Jonah Goldberg taking the news? Kathryn-Jean Lopez? The other 40 writers on the Corner? They’re honoring their founder’s legacy by promoting their books, relating the death to various natural disasters, and cursing the liberals ahead of time for disrespecting Buckley. Buckley, unfortunately, is not the problem. MORE »