Michelle Obama is some kinda lady, waltzing around here (the royal “here”) thinking she can have an independent opinion outside party lines. On Good Morning America today, she said she’d have “to think about” supporting Hillary Clinton if The Clintons won the nomination. The Clintons may have used all sorts of tribal slurs about Michelle’s… race… recently. But they’ve always said that if a Luo tribesman gets the Democratic nomination, they’d gladly support that Luo tribesman. Why can’t Barack’s American bride say the same about some Arkansas crackers? SHOCKING video footage, after the jump. MORE »

The New York Times published this fun Bill Clinton story today that’s kind of like Syriana, or Blood Diamond or various other movies. In 2005, Bill Clinton accompanied friend and Canadian “mining financier” Frank Giustra to Kazakhstan, on a little publicized “philanthropy” visit aboard a very private jet plane. BUT MAYBE THEY HAD, HMM, ULTERIOR MOTIVES? MORE »

*THEY’VE LOST MURDOCH? THEY’VE LOST MURDOCH!:* The New York Post endorsed Barack Obama for the nomination today, and they did so in 2000 Senate race style — by shredding Hillary and Bill Clinton. Don’t the Clintons still have Rupert Murdoch in their entourage? Did we miss some recent News Corp. memo on the Gawker blog announcing a Change? Although Barry probably had this locked when the New York Times endorsed Hillary Clinton. [NY Post]

So the Bill Clinton “race card and overt co-presidency” angle somehow backfired in South Carolina. Whatever. The Clintons like to put it all on the line — the candidacy, remaining shreds of dignity, legacies, any supporters anywhere. This week, internet people have been debating the appropriateness of Hillary Clinton’s overt pandering to Florida — a state, like Michigan, stripped of its delegates for the illegal terrorist decision to move its primary earlier — where she’s expected to beat Barack F. Kennedy. MORE »

Folks who didn’t consider Bill Clinton’s use of “fairy tale” or “young man” to be THOROUGHGOING RACISM couldn’t find much ambiguity in his comparison of Obama’s South Carolina romp to that unimportant “black candidate” Jesse Jackson and his wins there in the ’80s. As it happens, we forced our interns to research the history of politics, and they discovered that other humans have won primaries and caucuses in this state before — white humans. So how are the Clintons planning on spinning this little number away? Well, her campaign’s first talking point — full list after the jump — is “No.” No race cards! No! Good Lord, no. I like this strategy, it’s fun. MORE »

Stories about Bill Clinton fighting Barry Obama in his bid for a third presidency were all over the news this week, because people like to get upset. No one’s quite sure why he’s going so “out of control” these days — letting his face change color, composing Dadaist psychodramas about Barry’s past, sneering at reporters — but he’s gotten an angry Barry to engage him, and now The Clintons are controlling the conversation. People may not like how Bill’s wedging the Demrat party or hurting Barry’s feelings. But it might be the time for everyone to “deal.” MORE »

Earlier this week, Hillary Clinton hopped on a jet plane and peaced the eff out of South Carolina, where she’ll probably lose because of all the black people, to get her national campaign ready for Super Tuesday on February 5. This is called “lowering expectation,” although she did abandon her co-candidate husband and mute daughter in South Carolina to continue fake-campaigning. Yet today, the psyched-out Obama campaign sent out a memo outlining Hillary’s apparent strategy to “win” South Carolina. MORE »

Bill Clinton wants to kill you. All of you. When Bill Clinton gets angry, he wants to kill everything. At least this has been the tale the last couple of weeks — rumors abound that Ted Kennedy and Rep. Rahm Emanuel, neither of whom is known for their soothing qualities, have been telling Bill to shut up before he destroys the party. But Bill Clinton has never shut up in his life. MORE »

Barack Obama is a FRAUD. He was a massive fraud on this morning’s Today show, and he probably went and stole some credit card identities after the taping. Barry has a health care package that doesn’t force everyone to get health insurance, but one time in Illinois he said single-payer systems are also good — but not feasible! Just look at this goddamn Brit, this lobsterback. Has he ever held a reliable position about anything? Thank you, The Clintons, for showing that Barry supports one kind of universal health care reform over another that he doesn’t think is so bad either.

Somewhere during his European search for knowledge as a student at Oxford, Bill Clinton must have come across ancient Old World mystics who taught him the powers of mind-control. So strong, these powers are, that Barry’s firewall against meanness and anti-Hope is breaking down. He snapped a couple of times at Billary last night — why now, right? — and today, he’s getting conspiratorial. MORE »

Bill Clinton actually thinks Obama is running against him, which may or may not be true. Who else would he run against, the wife? Women can’t be president. In response to a question about which of The Clintons Barry was running against, President Bill responded: MORE »