Wonkette

If it weren’t for the greatest president in modern times, George Walker Bush, Jr., the Republican nominee in 2008 would be his Brother, Jebediah “Jeb” Bush, the second male heir to the Bush crown and a known Mexican. He would win, because why not. But George Jr. got to the presidency first, and despite his fantastic performance over the last eight years, the Liberals would use the sum of their mighty slapping powers to prevent Jeb’s latest Bush presidency. Poor Jeb. But since everyone in this country forgets everything, he can easily run in 2012, which George Jr. today suggested his brother might do. Country, saved. MORE »

Don’t you just love when people openly admit that they are voting for Hillary because it’ll get Bill back in the White House? Like this Kentucky man with his pin? It’s almost as amazing as how some people still like Bill Clinton. [Getty Photo]

Here is what fun filmmaker Spike Lee says about the Clintons: “The Clintons, man, they would lie on a stack of Bibles. Snipers? That’s not misspeaking; that’s some pure bullshit. I voted for Clinton twice, but that’s over with. These old black politicians say, ‘Ooh, Massuh Clinton was good to us, massuh hired a lot of us, massuh was good!’ Hoo! Charlie Rangel, David Dinkins–they have to understand this is a new day. People ain’t feelin’ that stuff. It’s like a tide, and the people who get in the way are just gonna get swept out into the ocean.” Why hasn’t Al Gore thrown Tom Daschle under the bus yet? [New York Magazine]

Ooh boy, Hillary Clinton has her first ad up in Pennsylvania, the thing that is voting in like a month! She says she will “level the playing field” by taking money away from the Corporates, who made most of their money in the 1990s when “The Clintons” were personally sending dump trucks of $100 bills to Fat Cats’ front yards. [YouTube]

What happens when you’re losing and your new ad disappoints and a fiery Mark Penn is in a room with some equally fiery ad-maker lady and a crybaby political director? A melee of words happens, and internal fissures are blown wide open! This is precisely what happened last week at Clinton HQ. MORE »

Michelle Obama is some kinda lady, waltzing around here (the royal “here”) thinking she can have an independent opinion outside party lines. On Good Morning America today, she said she’d have “to think about” supporting Hillary Clinton if The Clintons won the nomination. The Clintons may have used all sorts of tribal slurs about Michelle’s… race… recently. But they’ve always said that if a Luo tribesman gets the Democratic nomination, they’d gladly support that Luo tribesman. Why can’t Barack’s American bride say the same about some Arkansas crackers? SHOCKING video footage, after the jump. MORE »

The New York Times published this fun Bill Clinton story today that’s kind of like Syriana, or Blood Diamond or various other movies. In 2005, Bill Clinton accompanied friend and Canadian “mining financier” Frank Giustra to Kazakhstan, on a little publicized “philanthropy” visit aboard a very private jet plane. BUT MAYBE THEY HAD, HMM, ULTERIOR MOTIVES? MORE »

*THEY’VE LOST MURDOCH? THEY’VE LOST MURDOCH!:* The New York Post endorsed Barack Obama for the nomination today, and they did so in 2000 Senate race style — by shredding Hillary and Bill Clinton. Don’t the Clintons still have Rupert Murdoch in their entourage? Did we miss some recent News Corp. memo on the Gawker blog announcing a Change? Although Barry probably had this locked when the New York Times endorsed Hillary Clinton. [NY Post]

So the Bill Clinton “race card and overt co-presidency” angle somehow backfired in South Carolina. Whatever. The Clintons like to put it all on the line — the candidacy, remaining shreds of dignity, legacies, any supporters anywhere. This week, internet people have been debating the appropriateness of Hillary Clinton’s overt pandering to Florida — a state, like Michigan, stripped of its delegates for the illegal terrorist decision to move its primary earlier — where she’s expected to beat Barack F. Kennedy. MORE »

Folks who didn’t consider Bill Clinton’s use of “fairy tale” or “young man” to be THOROUGHGOING RACISM couldn’t find much ambiguity in his comparison of Obama’s South Carolina romp to that unimportant “black candidate” Jesse Jackson and his wins there in the ’80s. As it happens, we forced our interns to research the history of politics, and they discovered that other humans have won primaries and caucuses in this state before — white humans. So how are the Clintons planning on spinning this little number away? Well, her campaign’s first talking point — full list after the jump — is “No.” No race cards! No! Good Lord, no. I like this strategy, it’s fun. MORE »