What caused the brief and pretty boring evacuation of the Capitol Visitor Center at 11:25 a.m.? Did the vanilla-chai teabags reach a Singularity? No it was a fire alarm everybody calm the fuck down. A mysterious staffer, “Em-bot,” sent us the entire drama, as represented in Capitol Police emails. It is exciting, if you are excited by, say, Twitter. MORE »

WTF, people? Can’t you smoke your crack at home like the rest of us, and not ditch your smoldering glass pipes in the Senate bathroom garbage? How many little bullshit fires have broken out in stairwells and bathrooms on the Hill in the last 30 days? Anyway, this morning, the matchstick man struck again. The Capitolist sent along a warning issued by the USCP: “There was a small paper fire in a men’s restroom on the Second Floor, SW corner, of the Dirksen Senate Office Building that was immediately extinguished. The building is not being evacuated, but all floors are being checked by U.S. Capitol Police personnel. All floors of the Hart SOB and Russell SOB will be checked as well.” There you have it, crackheads.

Let’s check in with the congressional staffers at The Capitolist, the Hill’s anonymous message board, shall we? MORE »