Tag Archives: the 47 percent

  dispatches from butthurtistan

Return Of The Lucky Duckies: Fox’s Greg Gutfeld Wishes He Was Poor So He Could Live It Up

Hey, kids, remember when the Wall Street Journal started using the charming phrase “lucky duckies” to refer to those high-living Poors who don’t pay any taxes at all, except for payroll taxes, sales taxes, Social Security tax, property tax added to rentals, etc? Would you believe that was back in 2002, and that Tom the Dancing Bug has been mocking it since then, and do you feel really old now? Well have we got news for you! Lucky Duckies are back, even though they never really went away, of course. On Fox’s The Five Tuesday, congealing sack of rancid hobbit semen* Greg Gutfeld took the occasion of Tax Day to not only complain about those lucky poors who don’t have to pay no federal income tax, but also to pretty much lie about them, too, because that is how he roll. Read more on Return Of The Lucky Duckies: Fox’s Greg Gutfeld Wishes He Was Poor So He Could Live It Up…
  the first thing we do is kill all the lawyers

Dear Hero 47% Dude: Please Do Not Go To Law School

This week the man behind the video that completely disproved any thesis that Mitt Romney was capable of human emotions other than wrath and hatred went inside of Ed Schultz’s grizzly cave and self-doxxed. The world finally was able to put a name and a face to the man whose videotaping skilz accomplished more than a million filthy Occupy protesters in provoking our glorious and long overdue class war. Thanks Bartender/Comrade Scott Prouty! May you live a long a fruitful life in defiance of Mittens and Michael Wolff! Sadly for Bartender Scott, despite his previous efforts to avoid publicity and the insane backlash that one might expect from a movement where Ted Nugent is a major figure, he is in the unenviable position of being publicly targeted by our nation’s most thorough countertop inspectors. He’s already received death threats, and his financial situation is a bit precarious seeing as he almost single-handedly pissed off every member of the 1% in allowing “the boy” to assume another four years in office (fuck those guys Scott, they were shitty tippers anyway). In his desperation, however, Scott is considering the worst possible option for someone with “empathy,” “morality,” and a concern about labor rights: he wants to go to law school. Read more on Dear Hero 47% Dude: Please Do Not Go To Law School…
  Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Newt

Funmeister Newt Gingrich Says GOP Needs To Be A ‘Happy Party’

Hey, GOP sad sacks! Fun-time Newt Gingrich has a nifty idea for you all to become way more popular! Instead of being a bunch of Grumpy Gusses, why not reach out to everyday Americans and “be a happy party”? And if anyone knows how to be happy, it’s the guy who is so averse to unhappiness that when his wife gets cancer, he finds a new gal who’s not such a goddamn bummer! Read more on Funmeister Newt Gingrich Says GOP Needs To Be A ‘Happy Party’…
  You Can't Fap To This

Recovering Weirdo Congressbum Thaddeus McCotter Wrote A Short Story! It’s Not Very Good!

Greetings, prose-act nation, and welcome to Doktor Zoom’s Fanfic Corner. Today, we’ll be sampling some awesome fan fiction from around the web. Our first selection is from a site that doesn’t usually run fanfic, Tucker Carlson’s Internet Tendency. It’s by aspiring TV sitcom writer and Tea Party rockmeister Thad McCotter, whose author tag describes him as “a simple country lawyer from Detroit and a recovering Congressbum.” Ha-ha! Self-deprecating humor will win the reader over for sure! While McCotter hasn’t specified what fictional universe the story is set in, it wouldn’t seem out of place in the worlds of Revolution, Red Dawn, or perhaps The Turner Diaries. It’s a fairly routine post-apocalyptic political “what-if” story titled “In Aeternum,” which is of course Latin for “Forever.” When are first-time posters going to learn that tossing around Latin all willy-nilly suggests pretentiousness, not gravitas? Read more on Recovering Weirdo Congressbum Thaddeus McCotter Wrote A Short Story! It’s Not Very Good!…
  The Lunatic Is On The Hill

Ann Romney Worries About Mitt’s Brain Parts If He’s Elected

Ann Romney is just plain baiting the Professional Comedy Industry now, isn’t she? Over the weekend, she said in an interview that if her servo-mechanical partner becomes President, her “biggest concern, obviously, would just be for his mental well-being.” We share Egg’s concerns. No one wants to see the President of 53 Percent of the United States reduced to a clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk, after all. Read more on Ann Romney Worries About Mitt’s Brain Parts If He’s Elected…
  Finally A One-Percenter Who Shares Wonkette's Values

Host for Romney’s ‘Half Of America Can Get Bent’ Speech Is Big Fan Of Sexxytime Pool Parties

So it turns out that Mother Jones reporter David Corn has now identified the location and date of that fundraiser where Willard Mittensbjørn Rømney proclaimed that he has no use for 47% of the American people because they are irresponsible layabouts who are so addicted to the government teat that they will of course support Obama. Turns out that the poor-bashing bash was hosted by happy zillionaire Marc Leder, a private equity manager (just like Mittens!), who held the fundraiser in Boca Raton on May 17, 2012. Oh, and Mr. Leder also likes to have nekkid pool parties. Also, too, he was apparently pretty lousy at creating jobs. But did we mention the nekkid pool parties? Read more on Host for Romney’s ‘Half Of America Can Get Bent’ Speech Is Big Fan Of Sexxytime Pool Parties…
  mitt's whitey tape

Video: Mitt Romney Really, Really (Really) Does Not Care For You People

It starts out fairly anodyne — Ol’ Miffed Romney talking to his base. (Not “the” base of uncouth teatards, his base of Lehmann Bros. execs or the like.) But very soon, he becomes … what is the word? Unhinged? Yes, unhinged. Because people think they are “entitled” to not starve in the streets of America. Really, listen to the snarl. It’s … it’s fucking gross, actually. Has a candidate for American president ever spoken about his subjects the voters with such repulsion? (He goes on to say he will NEVER be able to make the 47 percent of us who are too poor to pay income taxes into anything other than shit-slime, but it’s that first sneer that really digs into your brain like “Call Me Maybe” or something. Whether or not he ever bothered to pay his own, of course, is still anyone’s guess.) Seeeeriously offputting video, after the jump! Read more on Video: Mitt Romney Really, Really (Really) Does Not Care For You People…