Tag Archives: thanksgiving

  Stuff it!

Eat Stuffed Celery Until The Feast Is Ready

Here’s an American-style vegetable dish for your Thanksgiving pre-feast noshing. It’s celery! Stuffed with cream cheese*, mostly. This Thanksgiving classic goes great with cocktails, so keep the recipe in mind next time you throw a party. Also, discuss in the comments your favorite cocktail to have before the holiday feast. The Buffalo-style variant we’ll discuss is also great football-watching snack any time you’re watching the football. Read more on Eat Stuffed Celery Until The Feast Is Ready…
 

Buttercup Squash Pie To Bring To Thanksgiving Dinner

Just last week, you were so excited to have a recipe for a classic and delicious appetizer to bring to Thanksgiving to wow all the old ladies in your family. Then you were talking to your Thanksgiving host, and you made the mistake of being polite and asking if there is anything you can bring. And she said, “Oh, you’re so thoughtful; something for dessert would be great!” So demanding! Do not fret. Today we share with you (for you to share with your friends on social media) a Buttercup Squash Pie recipe, so you can say, “As you wish.” Read more on Buttercup Squash Pie To Bring To Thanksgiving Dinner…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Mission Implausible

Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we hose off our browser and serve up a cocktail of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a full post of their own. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Mission Implausible…
  that metaphor was just asking for trouble

Tea Party Nation Says Defending Obamacare Is Exactly Like Excusing Rape (Which Obamacare Is Worser Than)

Tea Party Nation president Judson Philips, the genius who had a cunning plan to use the Constitution to subvert the 2012 election (except it was unconstitutional), has tired of comparing Obamacare to Nazi Germany, so instead, he’s now comparing it to rape. Next week, maybe Obamacare will be the Ebola virus. Philips emailed the group’s membership this charming article by Darwin Rockantansky that explains that rape is never justified (good for him!) and that it is the height of awfulness to claim that rape is enjoyable for the victim. What an excellent feminist he is! Rockantansky notes that on the teevee program Law And Order: SVU, accused rapists often try to rationalize their actions by imagining that their victims were asking for it, or were being seductive, or enjoyed the experience. At what point does rape become a pleasurable experience for the victim? And whom among us are not revolted and angered by such nonsense? And whom among us are willing to believe that if we “Just lay back and don’t fight it you will inevitably enjoy it.”? And the “IT” that I am referring to here is “Obamacare”. The Obama Regime is encouraging people to become the evangelists for Obamacare in their own family and social groups over Thanks Giving dinner. Their message is truly quite simple: Lie back and quit fighting and eventually you will enjoy the experience. Oh, dear. Um. Sure, Darwin Rockantansky, we invite you to read your essay aloud at the next meeting of the Twitter Feminists’ Alliance. (We have a feeling that you are not an ally.) Read more on Tea Party Nation Says Defending Obamacare Is Exactly Like Excusing Rape (Which Obamacare Is Worser Than)…
  every flavor but pinkie

Obamas Have 9 Kinds Of Pie For Thanksgiving, Wingnuts Outraged

We guess Barack Obama must have mentioned God in his Thanksgiving proclamation this year, since we haven’t seen a million angry blog posts bitching about it. (And there it is — “we rise or fall as one Nation, under God” — a blatant attempt to make up for his Gettysburg libel, too.*) Thankfully, even if they can’t trot out the “war on religion” trope, wingnuts can still accuse the Obamas of being Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, because as has been widely reported, the White House served nine types of pie at Thanksgiving this year — or as the Daily Mail headline put it, “NINE different types of pie.” This is of course the worst sort of hypocrisy, since 1) No other president has eaten well while some Americans were unemployed and 2) Michelle promotes healthy eating, but for a holiday dinner they didn’t eat only kale and rice cakes. Read more on Obamas Have 9 Kinds Of Pie For Thanksgiving, Wingnuts Outraged…
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

Sorry, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line last year; the story was also a favorite of Rep. Todd “Shut that down” Akin, and now Rush Limbaugh has a best-selling children’s book promoting the same fantasy. Happily, there are a couple of good debunkings of this idiocy, although they probably won’t carry much weight with teahadis, since they come from the radical communist New York Times and the Marxist-Trotskyist-Muslim-Gangnam-Style Right Wing Watch. Should culture war break out around the dinner table, you may just want to say you got your rebuttals from Paul Harvey. Then when they go to look it up on their smartphone, you can spill gravy on it. Be sure to apologize. (We got that tactic from Saul Alinsky.) Read more on Sorry, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism…
  for john dillinger

Wholesome American Guts: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2013

We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs and Gus Van Sant back in 2006, and a lot of things have changed since then. We cannot possibly hope to match the grim depths of the 2010 / 2011 iterations of the prayer, so we know better than to even make the attempt. But this year, we definitely have a face to go with Burroughs’ line about “decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces.” Read more on Wholesome American Guts: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2013…
  first lady recipes

Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake

Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter slash fiction photo-comics for Vanity Fair: Here is one for the “chocoholics,” starring Betty Ford! It’s a Chocolate Icebox Dessert, and while it SOUNDS racist, that is just because of all the liquor. Read more on Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake…
  from the author of 'what's so great about christianity'

For This Beautiful Holiday, Dinesh D’Souza Makes Us Thankful We Are Not Dinesh D’Souza

Twitter is, of course, the place where people go to embarrass themselves in public. That’s just part of the day-to-day background noise. Throw in a national holiday, and you get all sorts of beautiful new opportunities to be an ass. Case in point, this tweet from conservative intellectual powerhouse Dinesh D’Souza, who’s thankful that America will survive Barack Obama even though D’Souza himself markets rhetoric about Obama being the death of America forever. But, apparently, now the threat that Barack Obama poses to America is not that he’s an obsessive anti-colonialist who wants to ruin America so that America will become more like his beloved Kenya or something. Now, the threat is that Barack Obama is a grown-up version of a scary drug-crazed thug hologram that conservatives have erected over the grave of a dead seventeen-year-old. Haha, it is so amusing, this tweet about a dead boy that D’Souza rather quickly deleted! Read more on For This Beautiful Holiday, Dinesh D’Souza Makes Us Thankful We Are Not Dinesh D’Souza…
  So funny we forgot to laugh

Heritage Foundation Releases Hi-larious Anti-Obama Thanksgiving Cards That Are Not Remotely Hi-larious

Fact: Conservatives are not very good at doing funny. Sure, they try. And fail. And if you don’t get the joke, you’re probably just some politically correct overly sensitive something-or-other. Or maybe, just maybe, it is because conservatives are not very good at doing the funny. Exhibit eleventeen trillion for your consideration: Heritage Foundation’s new line of Thanksgiving cards to send to “that really annoying liberal in your life.” Because Thanksgiving is all about being a dick to people, just like the pilgrims were dicks to … okay, never mind, that might actually be sort of correct. Read more on Heritage Foundation Releases Hi-larious Anti-Obama Thanksgiving Cards That Are Not Remotely Hi-larious…
  i will work harder!

Walmart Associates Run Thanksgiving Donation Drive So Co-Workers Can Eat People Food

One of these days, a modern-day Charles Dickens is going to write A Christmas Carol for our times, and it will be based on this story of a Walmart in Ohio, where employees organized “a food drive – not for the community, but for needy workers.” Total Dickens, right? The noble poor (broken of body but not of spirit), the historical significance, the double-talking bureaucratic fig leaf for the Establishment, even: “It is for associates who have had some hardships come up,” [Kory Lundberg] said. “Maybe their spouse lost a job. “This is part of the company’s culture to rally around associates and take care of them when they face extreme hardships,” he said. We feel pretty confident that “rally around associates” and “take care of them when they face extreme hardships” are NOT IN FACT the first things most people think of when they ponder Walmart’s “company culture.” We will say this without citing anything, because honestly it has reached the point with Walmart that we don’t have to. Which is a powerful indictment in itself, shut up it is too. Read more on Walmart Associates Run Thanksgiving Donation Drive So Co-Workers Can Eat People Food…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Walk On The Vile Side

Welcome to a Very Special Armistice Day Edition of Derp Roundup, our weekly accumulation of arglebargle that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite enough to do a full post on. Let’s ring in the Derp with this bit o’ conspiracy theorizin': Mitt Romney mighta won the 2012 election if only that power-mad Obama dictator hadn’t wiretapped his phone. (Not that Obama actually did, but you know, NSA HAARP Chemtrails Benghazi IRS.) thing is, he COULD have! Nixon did stuff, after all, and everything Obama does is worse than Watergate, which means Romney never had a chance because spying. Oh, and also the problem of just being Mitt Goddamn Rich Asshole Romney, which we’re pretty sure was somehow Barry’s fault, too. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Walk On The Vile Side…
  commercialism at christmas makes baby jesus cry

Sarah Palin To Celebrate Poor Hippie Socialist Jew’s Birthday By Not Finishing Tour To Sell Her Crappy Book

With Halloween behind us, there is a crisp, fresh feeling in the air. The kind of feeling that can only mean one thing: time to start capitalizing on other people’s deeply held religi-political beliefs to rake in boatloads of cash. Up in the sky, with a sleigh being pulled by flying caribou, is our favorite half-time grifter, the Original GILFster herself, Sarah Palin, per Politico: Next Tuesday, the former vice presidential candidate will embark on a 15-city tour to promote her new book, “Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas.” Wonkette places the odds of her completing the book tour at 47%.  Read more on Sarah Palin To Celebrate Poor Hippie Socialist Jew’s Birthday By Not Finishing Tour To Sell Her Crappy Book…
  so many blessings

Rush Limbaugh’s Cool New Book For Kids Stars Rush Limbaugh And Is Better Than A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

Man, the holidays are really creeping up on us, aren’t they. First school starts, then Halloween, and then comes Thanksgiving. Have you thought about how to explain Thanksgiving to your children? A complex tale of European expansion, nascent American exceptionalism, native displacement…ahh, never mind. Just get them Rush Limbaugh’s Thanksgiving origin story book thingy so they learn all about real ‘Merican heroes just like Rush Limbaugh! Read more on Rush Limbaugh’s Cool New Book For Kids Stars Rush Limbaugh And Is Better Than A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving…
  bewitched bibled and bewildered

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschooled Witch-Finders

Welcome, time tourists! Ready for some Colonial American fun? This week, we continue our autopsy of two American History texts for homeschoolers and Christian schools: a high school text from Bob Jones University Press, United States History for Christian Schools, and an 8th-grade text from A Beka Book, America: Land I Love. As we’ve noted throughout this series, these books don’t necessarily “lie” about history so much as they promote a highly selective version of it, which is of course a necessary corrective to the liberal bias of public education, just like Fox News is fair and balanced. This week, we’ll learn how colonial Americans rejected communism and promoted religious freedom by driving out heretics. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschooled Witch-Finders…
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

No, Thanksgiving Is Not A Celebration Of Triumph Over Socialism: Your Tofurkey Warblog

It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line; other versions are promoted by ugly bag of mostly lipids Rush Limbaugh and by the now-departing Rep. Todd Akin (R-Shut Down). Happily, there are a couple of good debunkings of this idiocy, although they probably won’t carry much weight with teahadis, since they come from the radical communist New York Times and the Marxist-Trotskyist-Muslim-Gangnam-Style Right Wing Watch. Should culture war break out around the dinner table, you may just want to say you got your rebuttals from Paul Harvey. Then when they go to look it up on their smartphone, you can spill gravy on it. Be sure to apologize. (We got that tactic from Saul Alinsky.) Read more on No, Thanksgiving Is Not A Celebration Of Triumph Over Socialism: Your Tofurkey Warblog…