thanksgiving
No, Thanksgiving Is Not A Celebration Of Triumph Over Socialism: Your Tofurkey Warblog
It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You [...]
Wholesome American Guts: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2012
We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs and Gus Van Sant back in 2006, and a lot of things have changed since then. (For one thing, the YouTube copy we linked to in 2006 through 2011 is gone and borked forever.) We also cannot possibly hope to match the grim depths of [...]
Stupid Old Joe Biden Takes Thanksgiving Vacation, Is Stupid
Dumb Joe Biden, what have you done now!!! Keith Koffler, of White House Dossier, is here to tell us in the excellent journalistic scoop “’Middle Class Joe’ Takes Thanksgiving on Nantucket.” Vice President Biden, who thinks of himself as middle class and self-identifies with average Americans, embarked Tuesday for the exclusive resort island of Nantucket, [...]
Walmart Spokesman: Let Them Eat Cake (They Buy With Discount Cards)
Bleeding heart liberals and latte-drinking East Coast elitists, please do not feel sorry for Walmart workers this Thursday as you enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday and try to think of ways to boycott a store you wouldn’t be caught dead in. You see, even though Walmart workers barely eke out a living on sub-poverty wages, the [...]
Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan
Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere: Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight [...]
K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers
Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of [...]
Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake
Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter slash fiction photo-comics for Vanity Fair: Here is one for the “chocoholics,” starring Betty Ford! It’s [...]
Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business
The following is our annual repost of Ken Layne’s Real Cranberry Business, because when we bought this bitch we bought the archives too. One hundred and seventy two years from now, “Ken Layne” will be retelling his cranberry business recipe … from the grave!
Americans Gobble Up Lard, Lenders Don’t Gobble Up German Debt
NEW YORK—It’s Thanksgiving in America, which can only mean one thing: giant helium balloons have taken over New York City’s 7th Avenue for the 85th annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. OK, two things actually, since Thanksgiving in America also means crazy people pitching tents outside of Best Buy.
Turkey In Wholesome American Guts: Thanksgiving Prayer 2011
We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs back in 2006. And something weird has happened in the years since. The deadpan list of Bloody American Triumphs sounds less like sarcasm in our Terrible Year of the Lord 2010 2011, and more like an elegy.
White House Turkeys: A Children’s Treasury of Dumb T-Day Tradition
Pat Robertson Mystified By Strange African-American Thanksgiving Ritual
The Pat Robertson teevee show has been desegregated, apparently by force, and now allows a Negress interviewer to interview “her kind” (Condoleezza Rice). What are the mysterious black people up to, this Thanksgiving? The hip-hop? Smokin’ crack? Crunking? Voodoo? Hankering for the Original Constitution days when they were slaves? No, worse. They are eating bizarre [...]
Here’s the Famous Real Cranberry Business Recipe From Wonkette!
It’s that special time of year when we all give thanks for 25% real unemployment, the never-ending recession and real-estate collapse, terrible schools, broken infrastructure, cops crushing the skulls of our lawfully protesting children, the scent of pepper spray in the air, a group of dangerous psychopaths running for one party’s nomination, and a bunch [...]
Wholesome American Guts: A Thanksgiving Prayer From Our Past
We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs back in 2006. And something weird has happened in the years since. The deadpan list of Bloody American Triumphs sounds less like sarcasm in our Terrible Year of the Lord 2010 and more like an elegy.
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