Tag: thanksgiving

Here Is Barack Obama’s Final Turkey Pardon And Festival Of Dad Jokes

We miss you already, Barry.
You want traditional? We got yer traditional right here, Mac

The Last And Greatest Betrayal: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2016

Thanks for all the memories… all right, let’s see your arms...
"And so what happens in this room?"

Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan

Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere. Whatever the hell "monkey bread" might be -- something racist, we assume -- it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy...

Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business

No first lady could even imagine making something as wonderful and perfect as your editor's famous Wonkette Actual Awesome Real Cranberry Business. It is one of those things that just blows people away, because they assume it must be...
David Brooks, serious typist for the Times

David Brooks Would Like Young Black Football Players To Stop Kneeling On His Lawn

Won't somebody please think of the white people?

Worst Restaurant Customers Ever Start Brawl Over Employee Smiling At Them

We write a lot about terrible restaurant customers; it's kind of our thing. We would venture to suggest ours is somewhat of an expert opinion on this particular subject. As such, understand what it means when we say we...
San Bernardino Police Chief Jarrod Burguan, i.e. the man with the information.

San Bernardino Was Terrorism And The Media Is A Mess. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Good Saturday morning, Wonkers! What a week, huh? We come back from Thanksgiving, only to be greeted by not one, but TWO grand scale mass shootings. Both religiously-motivated, it seems. Only one we're officially calling "terrorism," and we're calling...

Peggy Noonan Will Slur Through Her Prayers If She Wants To, Jerks!

Another Thanksgiving had come and gone for Sister Peggy Noonan of the Order of the Absinthe Brain Fog, and she could not have been more grateful. At least what she could remember of it. There had been a relative’s...
He speaks the truth.

Remember, Liberals: Ted Cruz And Dead Breitbart Are The Reason For The Season

Hooray, that dumb holiday where we eat 300 pounds of food and say we're "thankful" for "things" is over, and now we can go back to doing hot, wet War On Christmassing to each other, like we liberals do....
The reason for the season.

Here’s Your Turkey Drunk, Black Friday Hungover Weekly Top Ten. Read It NOW!

Good Saturday morning, Wonkers! You are so much fatter than last time we saw you, but that's OK, we are too. We hope your Thanksgiving was full of all the food you like, whether that's buckets of fried turducken...

Use Up That Canned Cranberry Sauce, With Booze!

Even if you make Ken Layne's Aunt Wonkette's Real Cranberry Business every year, chances are good that you still put can of the jellied cranberry sauce on your fine china to complete the spread on your Thanksgiving table, strictly for...

Merry Thanksgiving: Here Is Your Safe Space To Drunk-Whine

Are you having yourselves a holly jolly food-fest of a holiday? Watching some beers, drinking some sportsball with your nearest and dearest blood relations or chosen family? Good for you! Go do that, you lucky turduckens! But if you are not ... pull...
The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos

No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Is Not A Celebration Of Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

It's Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It's an opportunity to pound home a political...
You want traditional? We got yer traditional right here, Mac

Wholesome American Guts: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2015

We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs and Gus Van Sant back in 2006, and a lot of things have changed since then. The deadpan list of Bloody American Triumphs is as relevant as ever in...

Pat Robertson Teaches How To Hate Your Gay Kid Real Good This Thanksgiving

This post originally ran in the Olden Timey Days of just a few weeks ago, but now we think it might be a Thanksgiving tradition! Curl up in your snuggie with your first cocktail of Thanksgiving morning, and learn...

Nostalgic Repost Of Repasts Past: The Jell-O Recipe That Mamie Eisenhower Used To Win The Cold War

Another Wonkette Thanksgiving Classic, for Thanksgiving. And America. Here is your bit of "DC gossip" for the day: a Jell-O dessert recipe, for the holiday of Thanksgiving! It is Mamie Eisenhower's famed Red Scare Thanksgiving Jell-o Dessert and it is...