Tag Archives: thad cochran

  Thanks Texas

Your 2014 Legislative Sh*tmuffin (National Division): Oh Right It’s Ted Cruz For A Change

Just being a good Christian
2014 was the year when Senator Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) officially renounced his Canadian citizenship and became a true American. It was also the year when Cruz made his first successful title defense of Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award (National Division). How else did Ted save the soul of America this year? Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on Your 2014 Legislative Sh*tmuffin (National Division): Oh Right It’s Ted Cruz For A Change…
  Whip S-M-R-T

Maybe Steve Scalise Had Excellent Reasons For Talking To A Hate Group, You Never Know

Bobby Jindal offers his exorcism skills
We’re still passing the popcorn around while we watch House Majority Whip Steve Scalise’s political career implode over the news that he spoke to a white supremacist group run by David Duke in 2002. We’re still at that early stage of the Scandal Process where it looks like he’s doomed, but damage control may still be possible, so let’s see who’s spinning what. Can this turd be polished? Read more on Maybe Steve Scalise Had Excellent Reasons For Talking To A Hate Group, You Never Know…
  Rest In Peace

Chuck C. Johnson Decries Lack of Deathbed Apology From Rose Cochran

Thad Cochran, dwarfed by his own hands, celebrates his primary win
Rose Cochran, the wife of Mississippi Republican Sen. Thad Cochran, died at a hospice facility in Ridgeland, Mississippi, Friday at the age of 73. She had been at the center of one of the most bizarre episodes of the 2014 elections, although she was blessedly unaware of it. Read more on Chuck C. Johnson Decries Lack of Deathbed Apology From Rose Cochran…
  Mississippi Derping

Chris McDaniel’s Lawyer Fingers Himself

I see fraud people -- everywhere!
Mississippi sore loserman Chris McDaniel’s team just KNOWS that the June 24 Senate primary vote was rigged against him, and so it has been combing all the voting records to list every possible “irregular” vote and insisting they be tossed so that he can be the Republican nominee for Senate this fall, instead of doddering critterdiddler Thad Cochran. Among the votes that McDaniel wants tossed are those cast by McDaniel’s own lawyer, Mitchell H. “Mitch” Tyner Sr., and his wife, Sloane Tyler. Those two obvious fraudsters are on a long list of sketchy votes in an affadavit submitted to Cochran’s lawyers by McDaniel’s legal team, which is headed by Mitchell H. “Mitch” Tyner Sr., the big fraud. Read more on Chris McDaniel’s Lawyer Fingers Himself…
  motion to quash

An Amicus Brief For Award-Winning Journalist Chuck C. Johnson By The Wonket Legal Team Of Idiots

Monkey court! Dog and Pony show!
Wonket Legal has been alerted to a possible threat to the freedom of dumb speech (which, while distinguished from non-dumb speech, is still a kind of speech). Charles C. Johnson, Mississippi’s award-winning reporter on the nursing home break-in beat, has been ordered by a grand jury to disclose some details of the shoddy workmanship that goes into cobbling together his rickety news-shack GotNews.com. It seems that one of Mr. Johnson’s paid sources for his MEGASCOOP story of the year, a Mississippi “pastor” who supposedly bought votes from African-American Democrats to help incumbent Thad Cochran win his Senate primary runoff, might have fabricated his accusations for money from various people as part of an effort to get sore loser tea partier Chris McDaniel a new election or, even better, have the state GOP just hand him the nomination. Read more on An Amicus Brief For Award-Winning Journalist Chuck C. Johnson By The Wonket Legal Team Of Idiots…
  Mississippi Derping

We Are Starting To Think The Mississippi Republican Senate Race Might Be A Bit Of A Clusterfuque

Let us take a quick peek at the ongoing clusterfuck that is the race to be the Republican Senate nominee from Mississippi, which has already brought us so many laughs. There was Tea Party candidate Chris McDaniel playing footsie with neo-Confederates, and senile old Thad Cochran’s discovery that black people not only exist but also have the right to vote. (In Thad’s defense, he was already old and senile when the 15th Amendment passed.) There were allegations from blogger and living Garbage Pail Kid Charles C. Johnson that the Cochran campaign paid black voters $15 each to turn out and vote for Thad in the runoff election that followed the initial primary. Finally, just this week the McDaniel campaign demanded that the Republican Party throw out the election results and declare its candidate Supreme Emperor or something, because how is it fair that he lost just because he received fewer votes? Read more on We Are Starting To Think The Mississippi Republican Senate Race Might Be A Bit Of A Clusterfuque…
  I want a Senate seat NOW!!!!

Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because

Actual picture of Chris McDaniel
Remember that time waaaaay back in June when Mississippi Republicans had a Senate primary race, and the teabagger favorite, state Sen. Chris McDaniel — who sure is an interesting fella with really nice, totally-not-racist supporters — lost to sitting Sen. Thad Cochran, and everyone said, “Yup, that’s what we thought would happen,” and moved on with their lives? Read more on Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because…
  gonna need a bigger vote

Ted Cruz Simply Does Not Care For All These Black People Voting Republican

Smirking asshat Ted Cruz brought his inimitable gravitas to the Mississippi Senate primary (on the day that the vote was certified by the state’s Republican party, naturally), agreeing with losing loser Chris McDaniel that there’s no way Thad Cochran really won the Republican primary, because a lot of “liberal Democrats” voted for Cochran in the state’s open primary run-off. There had to be massive fraud, after all, and Ted Cruz is appalled, because Chris McDaniel totally deserved to win the election. But Cochran went and exploited an obscure loophole in the state’s primary system, which allows just anyone to vote, like the time in 2003 when Chris McDaniel voted in the Democratic primary. So Ted Cruz is demanding an investigation, because there just has to be something fishy about Cochran winning with the help of Democrats voting blackly legally but for the wrong guy. Read more on Ted Cruz Simply Does Not Care For All These Black People Voting Republican…
  in every generation there is a chosen one

You Will Never Believe This, You Guys, But Chris McDaniel Supporters Might Be Racist

Let’s just wander over and check in on the ongoing car crash train wreck that is the Mississippi Senate race, shall we? Did Chris McDaniel ever even concede? If he did, his own supporters would probably tear him limb from limb, because they are a pack of rabid dogs, basically. Leading the pack would likely be living breathing Mr. Potato Head blogger Chuck C. Johnson. Tuesday, Johnson got Daily Breitbart or one of those rightwing blatherblogs (his own rightwing blatherblog we guess? unclear because “not paying attention”) to publish his completely unsourced “story” about the black pastor that totally boughted up some black people to vote for Thad Cochran yep sure. Wednesday, he was likely the mastermind — we use the term very loosely — behind a Thad Cochran press call descending into complete and utter chaos. Read more on You Will Never Believe This, You Guys, But Chris McDaniel Supporters Might Be Racist…
  gun fun with glenn

Totally Rational Behavior: Glenn Beck Shoots Things So He Feels Better About Chris McDaniel’s Loss

We knew there would be some maximum sadmad from the super-right about Chris McDaniel’s loss in the Mississippi Senate primary to Thad Cochran on Tuesday, a loss only made possible by meddling black people, and we really should have held a contest to see who would be the derpiest. Haha of course we didn’t need to do that because it is Glenn Beck today, Glenn Beck tomorrow, Glenn Beck forever. Read more on Totally Rational Behavior: Glenn Beck Shoots Things So He Feels Better About Chris McDaniel’s Loss…
  tears of the clowns

Chris McDaniel Pretty Sure Zombie Ronald Reagan Doesn’t Think Thad Cochran Won

We stayed up late last night just to make sure we could maximize our intake of sweet Tea Party tears over Chris McDaniel losing the GOP primary to incumbent Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran. McDaniel had proved to be a reliable source of ridiculous, but even with that we will not be sorry to see him go, especially because this entire thing made us feel like we had to defend Thad Cochran, which made us feel like we needed to take a Silkwood shower. We know that Cochran’s victory means that he cruises to victory in November, but right now we’re just going to laugh ourselves silly listening to all the half-angry/half-sad trombone noises coming from the Tea Party friends of McDaniel. Read more on Chris McDaniel Pretty Sure Zombie Ronald Reagan Doesn’t Think Thad Cochran Won…
  Mississippi Derping

Mississippi Teabaggers Will Be On Lookout For Scary Negro Voters In Primary Runoff

Tomorrow is the runoff election for the Great Mississippi Ratfuck — aka the Republican Senate Primary — between Terrible Old Clueless Thad Cochran and up-and-coming neoconfederate grifterweasel Chris McDaniel. Needless to say, it’s managing to remain horrible right up to the very end! In an effort to get someone, anyone to vote for him, Cochran has been reaching out to black voters, and so McDaniel supporters are getting ready to march to the polls to protect them from interfering Democrats who shouldn’t be messing with a Republican primary — even though it’s an open primary, and the only people disqualified from voting in it would be those who already voted in the Democratic primary. Mind you, it’s not about race, because it is never about race. Read more on Mississippi Teabaggers Will Be On Lookout For Scary Negro Voters In Primary Runoff…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the very best of the worst detritus that’s clung to our browser tabs all week. We find the stories that are too short for a full post but too stupid to ignore altogether and serve them up to you in a delicious frothy blend — add whatever brain solvents you may need to help digest them. Read more on Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies…
  the beast years of our lives

‘Sad Thad’ Cochran Reminisces About Simple Joys Of Childhood, Like Sexing Animals

Well gosh darn it, Thad Cochran, you are just a good ol’ fountain of fine video clips today, now aren’t you? First we see that you have no idea who this “House Majority Leader” fella is who lost his primary — Errant Condor, was it? And now there’s this tape of you telling a bunch of nice folks in Hattiesburg about your animal-sexin’ ways when you were but a wee tad of a Thad. Sen. Cochran, we do believe you have lost the thread somewhere, is what. Read more on ‘Sad Thad’ Cochran Reminisces About Simple Joys Of Childhood, Like Sexing Animals…
  i say -- i say what in tarnation son!

Old Clueless ‘Sad Thad’ Cochran Is Old, Clueless, Sad

Here is sad old Mississippi Sen. ‘Sad Thad’ Cochran, two full days after the Stunning Virginia Primary Upset That Changed The American Political Landscape Forever, politely admitting that he has no idea whatsoever about the result, since “I haven’t really followed that campaign very closely.” After all, it’s just another House campaign, why would anyone want to talk about THAT? Read more on Old Clueless ‘Sad Thad’ Cochran Is Old, Clueless, Sad…
  muddy runoff

Mississippi Teabagger Candidate’s Aide Had Excellent Reason For Getting Locked In Courthouse With Ballots, We Bet

Let’s be absolutely clear about this: there is NO REASON to think that the three people who got locked into the Hinds County Courthouse in Jackson, Mississippi were doing anything nefarious. They just happened to accidentally get stuck in the closed courthouse after midnight on the night that ballots were being counted in the Thad Cochran / Chris McDaniel Senate primary that was too close to call. And one of them is a top campaign official for tea party candidate McDaniel. There’s almost certainly an excellent explanation for all this that doesn’t involve electoral ratfucking. We’re betting it’s Obama’s fault. Or the lack of prayer in schools. Read more on Mississippi Teabagger Candidate’s Aide Had Excellent Reason For Getting Locked In Courthouse With Ballots, We Bet…
  probably obama's fault somehow

Who Had The Worst Election Day Tuesday? It Is You, Annette Bosworth of South Dakota!

We’ve all been pretty busy trying to sort out the election drama in Mississippi, where we still don’t know whether human stain Chris McDaniel or angry great-grandpa Thad Cochran will be the Republican standard-bearer, but we really shouldn’t sleep on the Republicans in South Dakota, because stuff is getting plenty weird there. Witness poor poor Annette Bosworth, who started Wednesday by learning she’d lost her primary race from Megyn Kelly on national teevee and ended Wednesday arrested for perjury and election fraud. Heckuva day, Annette! Read more on Who Had The Worst Election Day Tuesday? It Is You, Annette Bosworth of South Dakota!…
  mississippi churning

Mississippi Republicans Choose Between Thad Cochran Or The Other A**hole

It’s Primary Day in Mississippi, time to see whether the Republican candidate for Senate will be Aging Conservadick Thad Cochran, or Tea Party/Neo-Confederate Superdick Chris McDaniel. Will it be the Establishement or the Tea Party? The maybe-adulterer or the probable-ratfucker? We are going to try not to get too worked up over this one, but it sure has been fun to watch the R’s in Mississippi tear themselves to pieces over it. Read more on Mississippi Republicans Choose Between Thad Cochran Or The Other A**hole…
  the sleaze factor goes to 11

More Idiots Arrested In Plot To Stalk Old Sick Lady, Will Plead Not Guilty By Reason Of Being Human Garbage

Oh, there was more than one person in Mississippi who thought stalking a sick, demented old lady in her nursing home was a good idea? Investigators say a Mississippi tea party official and two other men arrested Thursday conspired with a conservative blogger to use photographs of U.S. Sen. Thad Cochran’s ill wife to push allegations that the longtime Republican senator was involved in an inappropriate relationship with another woman. That makes four arrests in this case. How many people were needed to sneak into a nursing home and take a picture of a bedridden dementia patient? These guys make James O’Keefe and his crew look like the Mission: Impossible team. Maybe Clayton Kelly should have been wearing a pimp outfit when he photographed Rose Cochran, he’d have Sean Hannity slobbering all over him in an interview. Read more on More Idiots Arrested In Plot To Stalk Old Sick Lady, Will Plead Not Guilty By Reason Of Being Human Garbage…
  silkwood shower time

GOP Senator Has Sick Old Wife With Dementia, Maybe A Mistress, And Matthew Boyle Is ON IT.

We’re still trying to make sense of this utterly bizarre and disgusting story that came out of Mississippi over the weekend. It involves Sen. Thad Cochran (R), who is running for re-election to a seventh term in office this fall. But first he faces a primary from a wingnut by the name of Chris McDaniel, a young whippersnapper from the state Senate running on the usual Tea Party platform that the incumbent isn’t conservative enough because who knows, Cochran probably once said something nice about immigrants or shook President Obama’s hand without spitting on him or something. On Saturday a McDaniel supporter and blogger by the name of Clayton Kelly was arrested on a charge of exploiting a vulnerable adult, in this case Cochran’s wife Rose, who suffers from early-onset dementia and has been in a nursing home since 2000. Kelly allegedly snuck into the nursing home and took a picture of the bedridden Mrs. Cochran, then used the image in a “hit piece” video attacking the Senator. Kelly posted the video on April 26 but took it down after only a couple of hours. Whether he did so because he had an attack of conscience or the McDaniel campaign found out about it and asked him to or because he didn’t feel he had been a disgusting enough piece of hateful subhuman garbage and wanted to do some re-editing, we can’t say. What could have been the subject matter of this hit piece that required such a shameless display of the human capacity for colossal dickishness? It may have been related to this story from used diaper pail Matthew Boyle and our old friends at Dead Breitbart’s Internet Bog for Limp-Dicked Swamp Things. The gist of the article is that Sen. Cochran has an unusually close relationship with his long-time executive assistant, Kay Webber, who has accompanied him on dozens of trips and tax-payer funded junkets, at a cost to the taxpayers of at least $155,000. Cochran and Webber’s close relationship has naturally led to rumors of a romance between the two, which a spokesman for Cochran dismissed as “silly gossip.” Read more on GOP Senator Has Sick Old Wife With Dementia, Maybe A Mistress, And Matthew Boyle Is ON IT….
  hooray!

Mississippi Senate Candidate Chris McDaniel Here To Warn Us About All That Hollywood Sharia Law Sex On Demand

This Mississippi Republican state Sen. Chris McDaniel, who has big dreams of being in the US of America Senate one day if he can primary that dirty liberal hippie Sen. Thad Cochran (R-Not Actually A Dirty Liberal Hippie) out of the way, sure seems like a real winner, at least by Mississippi standards. He loves him some neo-Confederate Klan rallies potlucks and Real Mericans love secession. And turns out in 2006, while he was co-hosting a wingnut radio show, he had some great protips for Hollywood: “It’s funny how the movies have portrayed themselves lately and how the video games have portrayed themselves lately,” McDaniel said in the segment. “There’s one person that cannot be a villain in Hollywood, ever. One group that cannot be villains. Who is that? [Cohost: The Muslims.] Yeah, isn’t that neat? They’ll go out of their way to find some Russian white guy that’s just nuts, and he’s the terrorist, which I’ve never seen that. But the Muslims, they’ve just disappeared from Hollywood’s radar.” Yup, that’s exactly our experience of movies as well, except that we are having a hard time thinking of any movie in which a Muslim does NOT play a terrorist. But nah, we’re sure McDaniel must be right because of, uh, stuff. Why can’t a handsome white man catch a break in Hollywood these days? Sheesh! Meanwhile, McDaniel also had some Deep Thoughts on other things that certainly qualify him, if not over-qualify him, for Mississippi Republican o’ The Year: Read more on Mississippi Senate Candidate Chris McDaniel Here To Warn Us About All That Hollywood Sharia Law Sex On Demand…
  the secret of my secession

Mississippi Senate Candidate Just Can’t Quit All These Neo-Confederates

Chris McDaniel is just a good ol’ Constitutional Conservative who has addressed a conference held by a neo-Confederate group that thinks secession would be a nifty idea. McDaniel, a state senator who’s pursuing a primary challenge to incumbent Sen. Thad Cochran, was prominently featured in last weekend’s New York Times story on the “GOP Civil War,” which didn’t mention his palling around with people who think the wrong side lost the actual Civil War. Cochran is now apparently some kind of liberal because he voted to keep the government running; McDaniel is looking forward to making that vote a central talking point against Cochran. True patriots don’t want a functioning federal government, after all. Read more on Mississippi Senate Candidate Just Can’t Quit All These Neo-Confederates…