texas
In a time when gay satan has plagued the churches with rampant homosexual battles, a breath of fresh air has been given to those on the side of good. The righteous have found their cleaner and he knows what he’s doing. He is a man of God and he has an impressive way of showing [...]
Hey Drug War, what’s new? Lock up any first-time-offender grannies who had no idea they were participating in a drug-mule operation between Messico and Tejas? You did? Awesome. For how long? Forever? Well it is ABOUT TIME! Good job, Drug War! And also, super-good-job, jury! We will no longer be under siege from the insidious [...]
You guys, Chief Executive magazine, the #1 magazine for Chief Executives by Chief Executives that isn’t Forbes, has studied each and every one of the states of this great union of ours to determine which one is best, for Chief Executives? Can you guess which one, based on our beloved cactus-dong photo to the right [...]
Remember all those wacky 2010 political ads from the idiots who are now all in Congress or running every state? (Except for Carly Fiorina?) Some jackass would squat on the ground and bang his head with a frying pan while eating Cheetoz through his nose, or what have you — this was every entry level [...]
The mysterious land of Egypt has always been known for three things: Pyramids, the Sphinx and sex with dead people. Now husbands who have been married for years with the same wife may be able to enjoy a continuing fruitful sex life post mortem (but, sadly, the ‘screw by’ date expires six hours after death). [...]
Texas has been havin’ itself a little fun this week the way it usually likes to have fun: by dragging Planned Parenthood behind its pickup truck, until it is dead. But whoops, it seems their new law outlawing Texas Medicaid’s Women’s Health Program participation in any women’s clinic that is tied to abortion is against [...]
Howdy, Merka! Big ol’ state o’ Texas don’t care to get told nothin’ no more from no Justice Department sumbitches yehaa an’ ‘cetera. That’s why they’re takin’ a breather from breakin’ their fillies and havin’ a gander at what they can do ’bout their nigra and Messican problems instead. First up, they maybe wouldn’t like [...]
Were you aware that we, as a nation, are currently celebrating the second anniversary of Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! campaign? Probably not, because McDonald’s did not advertise this on its napkins. Our FLOTUS, the arms and inspiration behind the campaign, knew it was time to celebrate, however, and so she embarked upon a cross-country birthday [...]
Have you ever wished that Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert would stop and take some time to explain what makes caribou want to hump? Sure you have. Here you go: “So when they want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the [oil] pipeline,” he says, and you can imagine [...]
Rick Perry is finally dropping out of the Republican race Thursday, and will endorse Newt Gingrich because it’s just more fun that way. He will now return in shame to Texas to command-in-chief his Burundi-sized army and obsessively read over all his old emails to Jesus for clues about why Jesus dumped him and maybe [...]
Rick Perry’s comprehensive new policy platform for “fixin’ shit” is just to slash Congress’ $174,000 annual paychecks in half and cut back on the time that Congress spends in Washington, as punishment for making everyone hate them. This is Rick Perry’s huge “solution” to everything according to his new campaign ad, an idea that has [...]
Famous Texas rodeo queen Rick Perry can’t seem to get away from the “Rick Perry is a homosexual” rumors, maybe because of how he acts. Here’s a report of a fun (?) encounter between Perry and some kind of “bisexual activist,” which prompted Perry to talk about his warm feelings: “Here’s my issue. This is [...]
Biblehumper bozo barbie Rick Perry has been annoying everyone lately with his truly awful attempts to prove to the Jesus People contingent that he deserves to rule the country for his Tex-ass tuff talk on gays in the military, so it’s fitting and timely that openly gay former Texas legislator Glen Maxey (a Democrat, we [...]
