• The pornography, or “porn”, industry would also like $5 billion for a bailout of its own please. The entirety of government looks forward to the lobbying for this thing. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Boozy teevee starlet Terry McAuliffe has already begun to Robocall the people of Virginia in hopes that they will reward this behavior by electing him governor in two years. [HuffPost]
• It was only after Bush told the Obamas that the White House guest house was booked that George and Laura asked the Prime Minister of Australia, Hugh Jackman, to stay there for literally no reason other than to make sure that if Obama drove by he would see there was a car in the driveway. [Crooks and Liars]
• Joe Biden is off to Southwest Asia now, to finally see the Benjamin Button film. [Marc Ambinder]
• Here your Hope Porn du jour: it’s Barack Obama cuddling with an adorable three-legged puppy that will soon be appointed the new Senator from Illinois because you earned it, America. [The Weekly Standard]
  

Former DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe loved Hillary Clinton so much that when she was obviously and definitively losing in her bid for President, he helpfully appeared on many television news shows drinking rum and cracking wise about how she was a shoe-in, she’d win this thing in a walk, blah blah blah. Basically Terry McAuliffe turned Hillary’s tragic downward spiral into a punchline for larfs on MSNBC. Now he will turn that same brand of trenchant political humor on himself as he launches his doomed bid for governor of the great state of Virginia, in which he has apparently lived for many years. MORE »

• Teddy Kennedy is back in Washington. He was welcomed with a banner and brought his puppies, huzzah! [CNN Political Ticker]
• Looks like the Gays have some more anthraxing to do! Prince, the artist formerly known as a human (in the 70s), is against gay marriage too. [Daily Dish]
• Terry McAuliffe is running for Governor of Virginia on the platform of thinking he is running for Governor of Florida and just sort of going with it. [Daily Kos]
• Comically evil military contractor Blackwater USA shipped weapons to Iraq by hiding them in dog food bags. [TPMMuckraker]
• Here is Tim Robbins, writing a tear-stained blog post about how disenfranchised he was on Election Day. [HuffPost]

He has apparently signed the papers necessary to run for governor of Virginia in 2009. And you people worried that there would be no more jokes in America after Obama got elected! Thanks to McAuliffe-watcher Ellie for this important info. [BNO News Twitter]

Oh huzzah! Even if Comedy-Proof Barry Obama makes it into the White House next year, there will still be plenty of opportunities for humor … because Terry McAuliffe might be running for governor of Virginia. How much does Terry McAuliffe know about (and love!!!) Virginia? So much that Tucker Martin, the campaign spokesperson for likely Republican candidate Attorney General Robert F. McDonnell, said, “Terry McAuliffe doesn’t know Norton from Norfolk. If he runs, remind me to send him a Virginia state map.” Oh har har har you won’t be laughing so much next year when Terry McAuliffe shows up on the cable news doing rum body shots off your savagely pummeled ass, Tucker Martin! Why is every douchebag Republican hack named Tucker? [Washington Post]

TERRY MCAULIFFE IS SEXIST: Uh oh, it seems that comical former Hillary Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe is drunk again. In an interview with some Virginia newspaper, he recommended Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine be selected as Obama’s second black vice president, and not Hillary! We think Terry McAuliffe should get the job because why not. [Falls Church News Press/HuffPo]

Tomorrow is quittin’ time for Hillary Clinton, so today she threw a big farewell bash for her 500-person staff at her Georgetown home, Whitehaven Manor Castle, “in the back yard by the swimming pool.” And although Hillary could’ve served the troops just fine, thank you, with her trademark potato salad recipe — which consists of bourbon and no potatoes at all — she donated another $11 million to her campaign for catering! “All morning, workers brought tables, food, and bags of ice through the side gate, assisted by Secret Service agents. Valets helped park cars to keep them off the quiet one-way street.” Oh boy!

UPDATE BELOW: We’re hearing that many sad pandas on Team Clinton didn’t get invited. MORE »

Here’s nutty Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe making good on his promise to do shots with Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski, today, at like 7 a.m. They are downing “Puerto Rican rum,” as Terry gladly points out — it’s a very exclusive brand known as “regular Bacardi.” Then they talk about politics for a while, and Mika touches him at the end, and now we know that they are having an affair, forever. [MSNBC]

Jon Stewart marvels at Terry McAuliffe’s fantastical refusal to confront reality. “Kiss my ass, Barack,” Terry says, and a bunch of other comical things. Will Terry McAuliffe look back on these last days of the campaign and feel ashamed of his terrible buffoonery? Probably not, because he will be drunk on Puerto Rican rum. [The Daily Show]

One of the real pleasures in this rancid campaign season has been watching Our Terry blossom from milquetoast DLC hack into a cheerfully barking lunatic who takes obvious pleasure in saying nutball things like “Hillary Clinton, the nominee.” Watch him after the jump as he hoists a bottle of Bacardi Gold and promises to get wasted with Mika Brzezinski on Wednesday morning. MORE »

Here is the most painfully awkward moment in the last two days, where Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe tells Tim Russert that his father, “Big Russ,” is dead and watching on from Heaven. “Big Russ” is not dead at all. What revenge does the Hillary campaign have planned for MSNBC? Oh right, killing Tim Russert’s father. [YouTube]