Democratic rum-bag and Clinton-era haircut Terry McAuliffe has lost his dumb race to be the Dem nominee for Virginia governor. Nate Silver, the human abacus, called it for somebody named “R. Creigh Deeds” a while ago, and now the rest of the Political Media are repeating it: Deeds will win by some large ratio. MORE »

Nate Silver and the nerdlingtons at FiveThirtyEight are liveblogging the Virginia election results (which are hidden and secret) and have called it, meaning it is officially over, by law: “7:45 EDT [Nate]: OK, the 538 decision desk is calling this one for R. Creigh Deeds. Almost half the vote is in, and although we’re a little bit light on turnout from areas like Richmond, neither Moran nor McAuliffe is doing anywhere near as well as they’d need to to make up for Deeds’ large advantage. It’s really a battle for second place at this point.” MORE, Silver, MUSH MUSH! MORE »

Virginia sure is a hot ticket today! Ha ha, Terry McAuliffe’s a nut. Let’s check out a few more photos our lovely Virginia operatives sent in of the most important local Democratic gubernatorial primary since Doug Duncan went insane and dropped out against Martin O’Malley in Maryland in 2006!!!!! MORE »

• SEND US YOUR SEXY VOTING DAY PICS: Hey it is primary day for Virginia libtards, a very exciting day indeed, so maybe send us photos of your rain-soaked polling stations and we will post them! It is always fun to see what’s going on in America, particularly in places where people hang out with Bitters and Olds in the middle of terrible lightnings and thunderstorms. Send your hot pixxx to tips@wonkette.com with subject line JIM NEWELL TOLD ME TO VOTE FOR CREIGH DEEDS.

Your other editor Sara wrote earlier about how every governor candidate in Virginia has taken a shine to this hilarious & false idea that prison officials closely monitor third-grade test scores to determine how many jails they’ll need for the Dumbs in 15 years. But only Terry McAuliffe went ahead and made it into an insane teevee advertisement! The final product (which your male associate editor wrote about this morning at length for his NBC racketeering gig) proved to be McAuliffe’s most twisted, hilarious failed attempt at pretending to be a real human being yet, in a life and campaign defined by such attempts. “Pre-k now or prison later!” Nice one, sociopath! [NBC Washington]

Republican operative Ralph Nader is always plotting against the Democrats, so now he’s back with the explosive charges that slimy rum-swigging scam artist Terry McAuliffe offered the Nader campaign some money — maybe fifty bucks? — to stay out of tough states in the 2004 presidential election. And how’d that work out? Well, the Democrats lost, though not because of Nader. (Hint: IT WAS KERRY & EDWARDS’ FAULT, FOR BEING AWFUL.) And now Terry’s running for governor of Virginia, what will happen?! MORE »

Little-known fact: Virginia gubernatorial candidate and beloved Clinton pimp Terry McAuliffe spent the first half of 2008 dancing around Hillary Clinton like a court jester on meth, going on morning talk shows and doing shots of rum and laughing right along with his hosts about how wink wink Hillary was totally going to be president, even though not enough people voted for her in the primaries. He was the most underminey best friend in the WORLD. MORE »

• That guy, Obama, is still as popular as ever, despite the global pandemic and personally orchestrating 9/11 2: 2 Fast 2 Furious. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Recalled children’s toy Michael Steele has been  walking around mumbling that Specter’s “mama didn’t raise him” in a certain way. [CNN Political Ticker]
• If Texas were to undergo some sort of retarded mitosis and split into five states, here’s what comedies that particular future might bring about. [FiveThirtyEight]
• Meanwhile, in Virginia, Bill Clinton continues to campaign for Terry McAuliffe by screaming “Who cares!”, apropos of nothing, and reminding everyone he is an ex-president. McAuliffe/Specter 2016! [The Caucus]
• Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is using the slogan “Yes We Can” in his re-electionc campaign. Obama will be so jealous, that Ahmadinejad gets to yell “Yes We Can” in Farsi, the way it was intended to be yelled. [Ben Smith]

MORE THAN EVER should you now regret signing up for Hillary Clinton’s 2007-08 campaign mailing list — which you all did, because you looooove her — because guess who’s hijacked it now? Terry McAuliffe, in his random run for Virginia governor. Curse you Terry! MORE »

Terry McAuliffe, the famous American statesman who helped Hillary Clinton win the presidency by bravely volunteering to do shots of rum on live television very early in the morning, deserves whatever office he decides to run for. He has offered to bestow his gubernatorial blessing on the great state of Virginia, a place he has apparently lived for many years (?!), but first he must VANQUISH several rivals in the Democratic primary. MORE »

Hey look it’s wacky Terry McAuliffe’s first ad for governor of Virginia, the first of the 2009 season! It aired during the Super Bowl in select Virginia markets (”Hell”). Basically he tells Virginia that if he wins, then Hillary Clinton will stage a big primary comeback in Puerto Rico and we’ll all get wasted. [Terry McAuliffe, Washington Post]