Tag Archives: terry mcauliffe

  Drink Too Much And Laugh Too Loud

Confederate Flag Suddenly More Hated Than Donald Trump, Pubic Lice

Don't know our ass from a hole in the ground
So how about that Confederate flag? Now that it has a negative association for the first time ever, seems like everybody has decided to jump off the Confederate bandwagon, except of course for the diehard morons, of whom there are quite a few. Within hours of Gov. Nikki Haley’s call to remove the Confederate flag from the South Carolina Statehouse, a whole bunch of other Republicans suddenly realized they had permission to get rid of the goddamned thing, too. Mitt Romney actually did something good in his life! The next domino fell Monday night, when Mississippi’s Speaker of the House of Representatives, Philip Gunn, said it was time to remove the Confederate flag emblem from the state’s flag, too. Read more on Confederate Flag Suddenly More Hated Than Donald Trump, Pubic Lice…
  Pence is highly offended by all your rude comments about Indiana

Everyone Is Laughing At That Poor Dumb Idiot, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence

The Indianapolis Star‘s Tuesday edition is a bit stunning, in that the entire front page is devoted to an editorial demanding that Indiana lawmakers “FIX THIS NOW.” They are of course referring to the Fuck The Gays law, signed by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, which has single-handedly sent the state to number one on pretty much everyone’s list of “states where I do not wish to find myself stranded.” Read more on Everyone Is Laughing At That Poor Dumb Idiot, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence…
  wonkette would never report this if he were a democrat

Jerk-Off Democrat Who Boned Medicaid Is Your State Legislative Sh*tmuffin Of 2014!

Congratulations, buddy, the medal's in the mail
Dear readers, do you live in a state? The Washington Bureau is located in a lawless wasteland known as the District of Columbia, where our primitive jungle council attempts to rule only to be thwarted by unseen but all-powerful overlords who hold the key to our riches. Someday, we shall find and defeat this “Congress.” Read more on Jerk-Off Democrat Who Boned Medicaid Is Your State Legislative Sh*tmuffin Of 2014!…
  We Salute You

Thousands Of Virginians Newly Insured. Great. Thanks Obama.

Waaaaaah
Virginia’s Democratic Governor Terry McAuliffe is dragging his once-noble Commonwealth down the perilous path to socialism, using an executive action that provides health coverage to “20,000 people with severe mental illnesses and 5,000 children of low-income state workers.” This unconscionable abuse of power will force a staggering six percent of the state’s uninsured into a flaming hellscape of accessible medical care. Read more on Thousands Of Virginians Newly Insured. Great. Thanks Obama….
  na na na na goodbye

Eric Cantor To Congress: Screw You Guys, I’m Going Home

Yesterday was a big day for the GOP, what with the completely refusing to do anything at all about the immigrant children at the border that they pretend to be very very concerned about. They probably couldn’t quite get around to it, being busy high-fiving themselves over how they’re gonna sue Bamz so good and also too taking a whopping ten minutes out of their day to listen to Eric Cantor say his sad panda goodbyes as House Majority Leader because he lost to that Tea Party dude and does not get to Majority Lead any longer. And then everybody went away for their August break, secure in the knowledge that they had accomplished exactly zero things and were the very definition of sound and fury signifying nothing. Oh, and then Eric Cantor went home and talked to the Richmond Times Dispatch and said “oh hey, btw, I’m not coming back at all. Forgot to mention that earlier.” Read more on Eric Cantor To Congress: Screw You Guys, I’m Going Home…
  blowvember comes early this year

Virginia Laws Against Anal, Oral Sex Go Down, And Now You Can Too!

Virginia is now really, truly for lovers. And not just the boring penis-in-vagina kind of lovers, but now you can put your naughty bits in whatever orifice you would like, even in the butt! Per WaPo: More than a decade after the Supreme Court declared such bans unconstitutional, Virginia lawmakers have taken a ban on oral and anal sex out of the state code. Congrats, Virginia! Welcome to life in post-Puritan America. We look forward to cops high-fiving Larry Craig blowing Rick Santorum’s brains out in the men’s room of Dulles airport.  Read more on Virginia Laws Against Anal, Oral Sex Go Down, And Now You Can Too!…
  on the rag probably also too

Rush Limbaugh Doesn’t Think You Are A Human Come Sock; That Guy Over There Thinks You Are

Daily Kos is doing what Daily Kos does best, and that is getting all worked up about some little thing that hardly shouldn’t matter at all, and we for one cannot see why anyone would get their maxi pad in a twist about it: single mothers are looking for help from big daddies like Terry McAuliffe because we are “owed something,” and what did Terry McAuliffe say? Rush Limbaugh thinks Terry McAuliffe said “If you want to be a receptacle for male semen and not pay a price, I’m your guy.” But what if we want to be a receptacle for FEMALE semen, Terry McAuliffe? HMMMM? WHAT THEN? Read more on Rush Limbaugh Doesn’t Think You Are A Human Come Sock; That Guy Over There Thinks You Are…
  wonket confidential

A Children’s Treasury Of Barack Obama Getting His Socialism All Over Terry McAuliffe

It was a clear, crisp fall morning in Virginia as we made our way to Washington-Lee High School in Arlington for Terry McAuliffe’s first and only campaign appearance with President Obama. On the corner of Stafford and Washington, we encountered the midpoint of an already massive line for entry, which ran around the corner along the outside of the football stadium. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Barack Obama Getting His Socialism All Over Terry McAuliffe…
  democracy on the march damn you democracy

Virginia GOP: If It Wasn’t For That Dumb ‘Participatory Democracy’ We Could Totes Win Tuesday’s Election

When do you know you have run a bad political campaign? How about when the party chairman of your state wishes aloud that the vast majority of voters stay home on Election Day so you will have a better chance of winning? That is what happened to roguish Victorian-era knave Ken “Cooch” Cuccinelli this weekend as his gubernatorial run in our beloved home state of Virginia continued to go down faster than a generous lover practicing an act the Cooch would like to outlaw. Gotta give it to Virginia GOP Chairman Pat Mullins for his spin skills, though. Kent Brockman would have come out and said “Democracy simply doesn’t work.” Pat Mullins has his own more subtle way of hoping voters won’t participate in the political process to ensure his terrible candidate gets elected. Read more on Virginia GOP: If It Wasn’t For That Dumb ‘Participatory Democracy’ We Could Totes Win Tuesday’s Election…
  Blade Runner Was Better Anyway

Rand Paul Endorses Butt-Sex-Banning Virginia AG Ken Cuccinelli For Gov With ‘Gattaca’ Wikipage Plagiarisms

Y’all remember that awesome movie Gattaca from 1997, where Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke fell in love in real life, but on the side made a movie about the government doing eugenics? Not a whole lot of people saw it from what we understand. We did not see it. But apparently in this movie that Rand Paul totally knows about, they try to make the best babies through selective DNA sequencing and also ranking people by the DNA they have and giving them jobs according to their projected abilities because of what the DNA says? And Ethan Hawke wants to be an astronaut, but he has to take a lot of DNA tests to do that, and he has bad DNA. So he uses Jude Law’s better DNA, like his pee and hair and skin some how, and he passes the tests and gets to be an astronaut and fall in love with Uma Thurman. Well, The Rachel Maddow Show did a funny bit of noticing yesterday, when they noticed Rand Paul had “directly ripped off” a description of the plot of this movie Gattaca, from a Wikipedia link about it, which he really for serious included in a speech in support of Ken Cuccinelli’s candidacy for Governor of Virginia, at Jerry Falwell’s ghost’s “place of learning,” Liberty University. Read more on Rand Paul Endorses Butt-Sex-Banning Virginia AG Ken Cuccinelli For Gov With ‘Gattaca’ Wikipage Plagiarisms…
  journamalism

AP Retracts Story Claiming Terry McAuliffe Did A Fraud Because He Did Not Do The Fraud

It’s perfectly understandable how someone might see the initials “TM” on a legal document and instantly think “candidate for governor of Virginia and former Clinton jerk Terry McAuliffe!” and then write a widely circulated story about how Terry McAuliffe did all the crimes, ever — that is, if “someone” was in the habit of cashing checks signed by Ghost Andrew Breitbart or some such “person.” However, we did not expect this kind of behavior from the Associated Press. Well! Guess who’s got two thumbs and is naive? Read more on AP Retracts Story Claiming Terry McAuliffe Did A Fraud Because He Did Not Do The Fraud…
  keep your government hands off my license plate

Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli Personally Lying To All The Sluts About Their Bortions

Ken Kkuccinelli – sorry – Cuccinelli – sorry – Saint Cooch Nobortions is going to lose Virginia’s governorship to Terry McAuliffe, a muppet. Maybe Cooch is losing because Cooch’s ideas are bad and wrong, like for example he wants to criminalize sodomy again, and he wants to get rid of abortions. Maybe it’s because people associate him with E.W. Jackson, because of how they’re both running for statewide office as Republicans and they’re both super interested in seeing what happens when you govern a modern US state based on their Double Fantasies of What Would White Capitalist Gun-Having Jesus Do? Either way, he’s losing. But can NARAL Pro-Choice America pile on, and humiliate Cooch Screwed The Pooch even more utterly? Like for example by releasing a video that directly ties him to the “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” that are funded by Virginia’s “Choose Life” license plates, where women are told terrible lies that could harm their health? YES THEY CAN! Boy, can they ever: Read more on Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli Personally Lying To All The Sluts About Their Bortions…
  dying africans can wait

Old Man Clinton Trots Self Out To Save Democratic Party

Oh, fiddlesticks, what have the Democrats gotten themselves into this time? That’s okay, Bill Clinton will squiggle out of the seaweed cocoon he keeps himself in and come to save them. Did anyone ask him to do this? Well, no, apparently Bill Clinton will just call you up and let you know he is here to rescue you and will show up to have a huge rally with you. Bill Clinton, you see, has a lot of ideas about what the Democratic Party’s message should be, and he’s going to tell it to the people of this country because he is convinced they all want to have sex with him. It’s funny, though, that so many of his chosen candidates lose! Such as his wife, in his last major campaign push! Or, soon, Kendrick Meek, for whom Clinton has appeared “more than a half-dozen” times. Or, say, Gavin Newsom, who is pictured next to Clinton for this article as the old president does his best “I feel so good being your God!” pose. Read more on Old Man Clinton Trots Self Out To Save Democratic Party…
  america's forgotten election

Virginia Is For Someone Named ‘R. Creigh Deeds,’ McAuliffe Officially a Loser Again

Democratic rum-bag and Clinton-era haircut Terry McAuliffe has lost his dumb race to be the Dem nominee for Virginia governor. Nate Silver, the human abacus, called it for somebody named “R. Creigh Deeds” a while ago, and now the rest of the Political Media are repeating it: Deeds will win by some large ratio. Read more on Virginia Is For Someone Named ‘R. Creigh Deeds,’ McAuliffe Officially a Loser Again…
  except dean was a good dnc chair

Nate Silver Calls It For Deeds; McAuliffe Is New Howard Dean

Nate Silver and the nerdlingtons at FiveThirtyEight are liveblogging the Virginia election results (which are hidden and secret) and have called it, meaning it is officially over, by law: “7:45 EDT [Nate]: OK, the 538 decision desk is calling this one for R. Creigh Deeds. Almost half the vote is in, and although we’re a little bit light on turnout from areas like Richmond, neither Moran nor McAuliffe is doing anywhere near as well as they’d need to to make up for Deeds’ large advantage. It’s really a battle for second place at this point.” MORE, Silver, MUSH MUSH! Read more on Nate Silver Calls It For Deeds; McAuliffe Is New Howard Dean…
  lose terry lose

A Children’s Treasury Of Sadness On Virginia Voting Day

Virginia sure is a hot ticket today! Ha ha, Terry McAuliffe’s a nut. Let’s check out a few more photos our lovely Virginia operatives sent in of the most important local Democratic gubernatorial primary since Doug Duncan went insane and dropped out against Martin O’Malley in Maryland in 2006!!!!! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Sadness On Virginia Voting Day…
  modern pornography

SEND US YOUR SEXY VOTING DAY PICS: Hey it is primary day for Virginia libtards, a very exciting day indeed, so maybe send us photos of your rain-soaked polling stations and we will post them! It is always fun to see what’s going on in America, particularly in places where people hang out with Bitters and Olds in the middle of terrible lightnings and thunderstorms. Send your hot pixxx to tips@wonkette.com with subject line JIM NEWELL TOLD ME TO VOTE FOR CREIGH DEEDS. Read more on …
  'reading is fun'

Terry McAuliffe Has Created His Masterpiece

Your other editor Sara wrote earlier about how every governor candidate in Virginia has taken a shine to this hilarious & false idea that prison officials closely monitor third-grade test scores to determine how many jails they’ll need for the Dumbs in 15 years. But only Terry McAuliffe went ahead and made it into an insane teevee advertisement! The final product (which your male associate editor wrote about this morning at length for his NBC racketeering gig) proved to be McAuliffe’s most twisted, hilarious failed attempt at pretending to be a real human being yet, in a life and campaign defined by such attempts. “Pre-k now or prison later!” Nice one, sociopath! [NBC Washington] Read more on Terry McAuliffe Has Created His Masterpiece…
  gross

Ralph Nader Says Terry McAuliffe ‘Slipperier Than an Eel In Olive Oil’

Republican operative Ralph Nader is always plotting against the Democrats, so now he’s back with the explosive charges that slimy rum-swigging scam artist Terry McAuliffe offered the Nader campaign some money — maybe fifty bucks? — to stay out of tough states in the 2004 presidential election. And how’d that work out? Well, the Democrats lost, though not because of Nader. (Hint: IT WAS KERRY & EDWARDS’ FAULT, FOR BEING AWFUL.) And now Terry’s running for governor of Virginia, what will happen?! Read more on Ralph Nader Says Terry McAuliffe ‘Slipperier Than an Eel In Olive Oil’…
  america's rum-soaked carpetbagging clown

Important Information: Terry McAuliffe Backed Clinton In The 2008 Primaries!

Little-known fact: Virginia gubernatorial candidate and beloved Clinton pimp Terry McAuliffe spent the first half of 2008 dancing around Hillary Clinton like a court jester on meth, going on morning talk shows and doing shots of rum and laughing right along with his hosts about how wink wink Hillary was totally going to be president, even though not enough people voted for her in the primaries. He was the most underminey best friend in the WORLD. Read more on Important Information: Terry McAuliffe Backed Clinton In The 2008 Primaries!…
  rumors on the internets

Business As Usual: Michael Steele Will Continue To Inauthentically Mumble Vapid Nonsense

That guy, Obama, is still as popular as ever, despite the global pandemic and personally orchestrating 9/11 2: 2 Fast 2 Furious. [Andrew Sullivan] Recalled children’s toy Michael Steele has been  walking around mumbling that Specter’s “mama didn’t raise him” in a certain way. [CNN Political Ticker] Read more on Business As Usual: Michael Steele Will Continue To Inauthentically Mumble Vapid Nonsense…
  drunk e-mails at 3 a.m.

Terry McAuliffe, Wife Steal Hillary Clinton’s Internet Stuff

MORE THAN EVER should you now regret signing up for Hillary Clinton’s 2007-08 campaign mailing list — which you all did, because you looooove her — because guess who’s hijacked it now? Terry McAuliffe, in his random run for Virginia governor. Curse you Terry! Read more on Terry McAuliffe, Wife Steal Hillary Clinton’s Internet Stuff…