December 5, 2013
A couple of sketchy Connecticut politicians battled by cue cards last night, in hopes of winning an all-expenses-paid six-year vacation with Joe Lieberman. Who were our lucky contestants? There’s Attorney “Four Star” General Richard Blumenthal, who previously got in a bit of trouble for claiming to be Vietnam, which is a blatant exaggeration. And then [...]
Barack Obama wants to feed and clothe all the terrorists and let them live in the United States for as long as they want. Had enough Hope and Change, yet? “The costs of holding folks in Guantanamo is massively higher than it is in holding them in a Supermax, maximum security prison here in the [...]
There are so few heroes for the young people to look up to these days, what with Lindsay Lohan serving time and more and more Republicans opting for sex scandals involving consensual, heterosexual intercourse and so forth. So who should your children admire? They should admire Major General Jerry R. Curry, the army-man who knows [...]
Heroic invisible Internet website Wikileaks.org just released piles of secret U.S. and NATO documents about the decade-long War in Afghanistan, and it’s not a pretty picture. Every grim assumption is confirmed: Our “ally” Pakistan and our “enemy” the Taliban are one and the same, civilians are being massacred by our robot death planes at an [...]
Workers are excavating the World Trade Center site (Not done yet? What is this, union labor?), and on Tuesday, they found a giant 18th-century ship stuck in there. How? Well, back then terrorists were called “pirates.” (Evil liberal Hollywood has made empathize with pirates, but they were TERRORISTS OF THE SEAS.) And these pirates hated [...]
The muckrakers at the Center for Public Integrity teamed up with Disney News to uncover a TERRIBLE, FRIGHTENING THING: electronic parts for our fancy new e-passports are being assembled in Thailand, a nation of “killer” pad thai and also TERRORISM. Why aren’t our e-passports made right here in the safe and secure, chillin’ and grillin’, [...]
Ha ha ha, don’t know how we missed this earlier in the week, but a thriller novelist named Brad Thor has been publishing major major national security Scoops at Andrew Breitbart’s Big Government joke blog: “Late this afternoon Lt. Colonel Oliver North confirmed that Taliban leader and Osama bin Laden ally, Mullah Mohammed Omar has [...]
Here’s some dingbat, hoping to challenge Alan Grayson in Florida, with his heroic ad supporting racial profiling of A-rabs, for airplanes.
Conservative granny-porn outlet Newsmax has discovered the greatest technological device ever conceived and would like to give it to you for free, because the terrorists are coming, and how else are you going to listen to Rush Limbaugh for crucial security updates from your family’s burrowed hole in the backyard? Just crank this gizmo a [...]
Hooray! Most of the Arizona Mexicans ran back to Mexico to harvest their taco farms, and the rest of them fled to Utah and joined the Mormon Church. [RedState] From this moment on, the default setting for every new New York driver’s license is DONATE ALL MY ORGANS TO ACORN. [Hit & Run] AriZona Iced [...]
Okay, fine. That Jabba the Hutaree militia guy made some weird home movie and it was on YouTube and now it’s not but TPM has some video excerpts so go look at it and be titillated if that’s your thing: “Kris Sickles appears entirely naked but for a mask of President George W. Bush that [...]
Have you heard about this nut lady? She’s not even religious, or Muslim, or whatever. She is just a nut who finally found a purpose/job, on the Internet. Well everybody needs a Mission, right?
Aww, Jim Inhofe’s grandchildren built Al Gore a spacious snow cavern to live in! How did they know Al’s fursona was a “homeless but sensitive polar bear?” [Think Progress] Looks like it’s going to be another lonely, miserable Valentine’s Day, huh? Hey, why not fingerbang a heavily-discounted Newt Gingrich paperback from the NRO bookstore instead? [...]
Rejected minor Sorkin character Newt Gingrich went to speak with Bill O’Reilly somewhere inside the tevee yesterday to talk about terrorists and their known proclivity, terrorism. Gingrich, if he is going to be the Republican’s perennial safety nominee, must crack down on terrorism by saying how much Barack Obama loves it, starting now. This is [...]
Don’t mind that bearded fanatic in his low-altitude primitive aircraft flying around the skyscrapers tonight! The government is totally aware of this problem, and has chosen to just sort of “let it play out.” Happy Christmas, everybody! [NORAD Santa Tracker]