Tag Archives: terrorists

  This does NOT mean wingnuts are just like ISIS

ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!

Ha ha ha, sometimes there are Serious News Headlines that just make a person fall into fits of LOL-giggles, and Talking Points Memo has served one up! We were just clicking through our Facebook, or maybe our news reader, we cannot remember, we were drinking, and saw the news that “ISIS Bans Teaching Evolution In Schools.” Extremist terrorist Muslims and wingnut Christians, they are just like us each other! Read more on ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!…
  He'll free speech you right in the face

Deadbeat Pro-Lifey Loser Ex-Congressjerk Joe Walsh Can’t Wait For Terrorists To Kill Everyone On TV

Joe Walsh (R-Actual Human Scumbag)
For a guy who loves Life and Freedom as much as he supposedly does, the former congressman and forever-scumbag Joe Walsh has a real neat Life-y and Freedom-y suggestion for the terrorists: Read more on Deadbeat Pro-Lifey Loser Ex-Congressjerk Joe Walsh Can’t Wait For Terrorists To Kill Everyone On TV…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Who Is This Charlie Hebdo Guy Anyway? (Video)

Wednesday’s Rachel Maddow Show was, understandably, all about the Paris massacre. This segment is a brief look back at the history of the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo and its penchant for tweaking the powerful and the self-important, which is apparently something people get killed for now. Maddow interviews American cartoonist Jeff Danziger, who will forever have a place in Wonkette’s heart for his unpublished cartoon of Dick Cheney flushing a condom with George Bush’s face on it. Danziger puts it nicely: If these guys sought to terrorize anyone, they failed, since Charlie Hebdo kept publishing even after being firebombed in 2011. Murderers, definitely, but they’re only terrorists if we let them terrorize us. Read more on Morning Maddow: Who Is This Charlie Hebdo Guy Anyway? (Video)…
  Maybe they hate us for our stupid

Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’

YOOOOGE idiots
You may be aware of a hostage situation in a Lindt chocolate shop in Sydney, Australia. Because it appears to be politically motivated, and the gunmen have reportedly displayed an ISIS (or Muslim or Those People, who knows!) flag in the window, it is therefore the perfect opportunity for the idiots at Fox & Friends to invite Expert On All Things Donald Trump to explain this situation, and of course how it is further evidence that America now sucks, thanks a lot, Obama! Trump is an expert on Those People, and as the Fox hosts point out, he also lives near a Lindt chocolate shop. So he’s got that added personal insight. Read more on Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’…
  How To Fight Them Over Here Since Keeping Them Over There Didn't Work

Fight The Terrorists Your Own Self With These Easy Fox News Tips

  Now that The Terrorists are arriving in droves to invade America’s sandwich shops and do 9/11 to us, with “ebola” and “ricin” — but with even more 9 and more 11 — you are probably staying up all the nights wondering how to prepare for that … somehow. Fortunately, as always, Fox News has the survival tips you need. Read more on Fight The Terrorists Your Own Self With These Easy Fox News Tips…
  Definitely Not Safe For Work

You Need This Sex Toy To Never Forget 9/11

Never forget BRANDS
How are you Never Forgetting that today is the 13th anniversary of the worst crime committed on American soil (not counting American history before 2001, but shhhhhh, un-American America-haters, we shall not discuss that)? Read more on You Need This Sex Toy To Never Forget 9/11…
  things that go bump in the night

Conservatives Cranking Terror Alert Level Up To OMG! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!

Wonketteers, we do not wish to alarm you about the threat from ISIS, but you should be SHITTING YOUR PANTS IN TERROR BECAUSE THEY ARE COMING FOR YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVERY LOVED. Or at least that seems to be the conservative talking point for the week after the tragic beheading of photojournalist James Foley by militants in Syria. Which is not to play down the insanity of ISIS at all; it is a vicious bunch of assholes. (Even Peggy Noonan was appropriately clear-eyed about the group in today’s column – pants-shitting terror has a way of sobering up even the most wasted of drunks.) But still, some of this might be a bit excessive. Read more on Conservatives Cranking Terror Alert Level Up To OMG! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!…
  what a sweetheart

Greg Abbott Will Keep You Safe From Knowing Where Dangerous Chemicals Live, Even If They Are Right Next Door

It’s pretty clear that unless something really unexpected happens or we can unskew the ever-living-fuck out of some polls, Wendy Davis is probably not going to be the next governor of the lone Star State. That’s pretty awful on its face, but it is worse when you remember that the person who will be the governor is current Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, who is as craven a slice of dickweed as they come. Were you terrified by the environmental safety priorities, or lack thereof, of Rick Perry? Then you’re going to LOVE Greg Abbott when he is governor, especially with his super cool idea about how to find out if companies are storing dangerous blow-uppy chemicals like the ones that blew West, Texas (not West Texas) sky high: drive around and ask them! Read more on Greg Abbott Will Keep You Safe From Knowing Where Dangerous Chemicals Live, Even If They Are Right Next Door…
  also: monsters

PSA: We Should Not Call Republicans ‘Terrorists’

Oh noes, a White House guy said about the Republicans that you don’t negotiate with people with bombs strapped to their chests, and the Republicans are Having Sad! We agree! Just because John Boehner is demanding that Mitt Romney’s entire economic agenda be implemented in order for the Republicans to even consider allowing us to pay debts we’ve already incurred is no reason to call them “terrorists.” That is mean to terrorists haha just kidding OR ARE WE??? What should we be calling the Republicans instead? Read more on PSA: We Should Not Call Republicans ‘Terrorists’…
  they hate us for our freedom -- why did we elect them?

Peter King & Lindsay Graham: NSA Scandal Proves Americans Need To Be Watched More Closely (Updated)

Peter King (R-Stasi) has taking the very brave position of calling for the prosecution of reporters that publish classified data. Presumably, he is only referring to the classified data leaked by whistleblowers, NOT the classified data accidentally revealed by Michele Bachman during primary debates, and definitely not the classified data selectively leaked to news outlets by the administration. In any case, Peter King is taking a helpful stance: since the terrorists hate us for our freedom, the best way to protect ourselves from attacks is to just have less and less of it as a precautionary measure. Below is Peter King’s response word for word, so you can be amazed at every logic-bending morsel.  So eloquent is he that he DOESN’T EVEN NEED to mention the Supreme Court’s per curium opinion in the Pentagon Papers case. Behold: Read more on Peter King & Lindsay Graham: NSA Scandal Proves Americans Need To Be Watched More Closely (Updated)…
  E Plebnista

Patriotic WND Columnist Doesn’t See Why Bombing Suspects Get All These ‘Constitutional Rights’

WorldNetDaily columnist Ben Kinchlow would like someone to explain to him just what the hell is the logic of having a government based on the most brilliant freedom-protecting document in the history of the world, the U.S. Constitution, if that document’s protections are going to be extended to people who we all know are guilty of doing terrible things. How the hell is that even fair? Read more on Patriotic WND Columnist Doesn’t See Why Bombing Suspects Get All These ‘Constitutional Rights’…
  seems legit

Rep. John Fleming: Couple Kicked Out Not For Being Muslim But For Messing Up Bathroom, Having Ties To Terrorists

Congressman John Fleming has had it up to here with your nonsense about the Muslim couple kicked out of his Shreveport franchise. They were not kicked out for being Muslim. They were kicked out for using the bathroom too long, scaring other customers (by being Muslim), and having ties to terrorism. Not for being Muslim at all. Read more on Rep. John Fleming: Couple Kicked Out Not For Being Muslim But For Messing Up Bathroom, Having Ties To Terrorists…
  gay

Louis Gohmert Travels Alllll Around The World To Hug Muslims, He Does

Now we wouldn’t want to let Michele Bachmann’s various House conspirators get off the hook for this “Muslim terrorists infiltrating the government because they are Muslim” summer-of-a-reelection-year stunt, would we? Here’s the dumbest person in the Western Hemisphere, Rep. Louis Gohmert, berating Jan “BIG SIS” Napolitano today about why she let a Muslim terrorist in her employ download secret terrorism documents from The System and then give them to his terrorist friends. Yes, indeed, why would Secretary Napolitano do that? Gohmert assures her that he’s not just scanning the database of government employees for Arabic names and then accusing each of them of offering material support for terrorists because… you know… look at ’em… No, Louis Gohmert loves Muslims so much that he travels around the world to hug them. Sorry, there’s no way this guy has a passport. Read more on Louis Gohmert Travels Alllll Around The World To Hug Muslims, He Does…
  dumb pictures

Check Out These Lovely New Heartland Institute Murder Billboards

Well look what the end product of tens of millions in donations from rich libertarian energy tycoons and their corporations is at the Heartland Institute: A hilarious series of billboards out on the Interstate saying “Derp derp the Unabomber believed in global warming, derp, splat, are you the Unabomber?” They come in a variety of other mass murderer/dictator flavors, too, because the Heartland Institute is a very serious public policy organization. Read more on Check Out These Lovely New Heartland Institute Murder Billboards…
  grrr exercise

New Dirt Field At Gitmo Is A Lil’ Too Fancy For Fox News’ Taste

Fox News is furious about the conditions at Guantanamo Bay, where hundreds of foreigns are held without charges in an extralegal offshore prison forever. Can you, the taxpayer, even believe how good they have it? It turns out that Uncle Sam is spending your hard-earned Ameros to build a “$750,000 soccer field” for these effete terrorists, right down there in their precious gilded fake Cuban palace-prison complex. Read more on New Dirt Field At Gitmo Is A Lil’ Too Fancy For Fox News’ Taste…
  'what's his beef with the free market?'

What Strange Terrorist Ads Will Air During Tonight’s Debate?

Are you one of those humans who watches the Super Bowl “for the commercials,” which are always uniformly terrible? This is why those of us who live in Washington watch presidential debates! Oh the interest groups, they love buying DC ad time during hilarious presidential debates. There’s usually an Israel Project/AIPAC thing about how scared we’d feel if Maryland or Virginia wanted to nuke its neighbor, an energy trade group’s spiel about how we need to blast water at underground rocks, a Pete Peterson Institute series in which smarmy elementary school children explain why we need to dismantle Social Security, and others. The best, though, is this cheap sketchy one from lobbyists who are trying to get the exiled-Iranian terrorist group MEK taken off the State Department’s official list of terrorist groups, for the sole reason that MEK doesn’t like the current Iranian government either. Why is this always on the TV? Read more on What Strange Terrorist Ads Will Air During Tonight’s Debate?…
  god knows how much this cost

FBI Breaks Up Latest Terrorist Plot That It Created

In a super-neato sting operation today, the FBI totally intercepted a Muslim Terrorist wearing a suicide bomb vest en route to the Capitol, to blow it up. Sucker! Caught you! Go eat an Abortionplex-sized bag of dicks, guy! (But really, thank you for taking all of the pretend bombs our agents gave you and going with them on field trips to test explosives and all the other things we tricked you into doing so we could arrest you.) Read more on FBI Breaks Up Latest Terrorist Plot That It Created…
  a children's history of catholic terrorism

America Stuck With All These Guy Fawkes Masks, We Guess

As this photo from our #OWS correspondent KenLayIsAlive makes clear, the guys with the Guy Fawkes masks are well represented at Occupy Wall Street and many other Protest Occupations around the country. The cultural trajectory of this mask is sometimes hard to follow, but here’s our attempt to explain it, and also explain why it creeps us out. Read more on America Stuck With All These Guy Fawkes Masks, We Guess…
  duh

A New Poll About Americans’ Hatred Of Muslims, Just In Time For 9/11

Get out your miniature American flags and get ready for all those chain e-mails from Grandma because it’s almost that time of year again! It has now been ten years since 9/11, which means America has had ten years to grieve, reflect, and cultivate limitless hatred for a religion we can’t even begin to understand. This is the general conclusion of a survey conducted by the Brookings Institutionthe Public Religion Research Institute that dared to ask, “Just how ignorant are we?” And because we are the BEST COUNTRY EVER CREATED BY GOD we have of course won the championship Gold Medal of Ignorance. Patriot victory laps around the neighborhood mosque! Read more on A New Poll About Americans’ Hatred Of Muslims, Just In Time For 9/11…
  snowbilly greatest hits collection

Sarah Palin Proves Tea Party Not Terrorists, ‘Or Obama Would Pal Around With Us’

Oh look, it is the helmeted space turd Sarah Palin doing a greatest hits tour on Fox News. Is this a replay clip from 2008 talking to Sean Hannity? No, it is Sarah Palin reenacting one of her more popular Dances of Stupid in exchange for her Fox News gold coins. “The teabaggers can’t be terrorists, or Obama would be palling around with us, just like he used to pal around with domestic terrorists like Ayers and also Sha-vez and ol’ No Preconditions Ackmahdinnerjad and the rest of the world’s terrorists.” Does Sarah Palin even know what a terrorist or a domestic is? Yes, Katie, she reads all of them. What is she even talking about? Read more on Sarah Palin Proves Tea Party Not Terrorists, ‘Or Obama Would Pal Around With Us’…