America’s Mayor: Obama Is 9/11
Wednesday, June 18th, 2008
Rudy Giuliani, the greatest mayor of New York since Abraham Lincoln, has suddenly been unveiled as a “national security” surrogate for the McCain campaign and has started holding conference calls and interviews detailing how Barack Obama is literally Hitler and bin Laden, but more killing-er. Obama is naive Mr. September 10, while Giuliani and McCain are Mr. & Mrs. TUFF $EPTEMBER 12 PAYBACK. Here is one thing that Rudy actually said in a conference call today: “It is fair to say that Osama Bin Laden would be given new rights that nobody ever had before,” because Obama would pardon him and let him sleep in his Tony Rezko Mansion’s attic, the end. [TPM Election Central]
Rudy Giuliani, the greatest mayor of New York since Abraham Lincoln, has suddenly been unveiled as a “national security” surrogate for the McCain campaign and has started holding conference calls and interviews detailing how Barack Obama is literally Hitler and bin Laden, but more killing-er. Obama is naive Mr. September 10, while Giuliani and McCain are Mr. & Mrs. TUFF $EPTEMBER 12 PAYBACK. Here is one thing that Rudy actually said in a conference call today: “It is fair to say that Osama Bin Laden would be given new rights that nobody ever had before,” because Obama would pardon him and let him sleep in his Tony Rezko Mansion’s attic, the end. [TPM Election Central]







One of the funniest, tragic outcomes of Obama’s takeover of the Democrats is how certain factions of the party — white, rural “yellow dogs” or “blue reds” or “purple assholes,” depending on the current lexicon — cannot, at all, give support to Obama, for fear of losing support in their red-leaning districts. This comprises 10-25 Democratic members of Congress and virtually all Southern branches of the party. Now, silence is one thing. But when they start literally calling him a terrorist — as some Democratic leaders in Tennessee are doing — to distance themselves, then that might be a modest form of overkill.
Because of the damn terrorists, hobos will now have to take off the roaster chickens they use as footwear before boarding planes. In the Chicago area last Friday, a “motorist” noticed a whole roaster chicken, presumably on the road, stuffed not with innards or stuffing or golden trinkets, but with an IED, to blow up America. The bomb was defused by Authorities, and it’s a damn good thing — apparently that was one of those “unfriendly” bombs that hurts people: “Police Capt. Matthew Catania would not describe the bomb, but said it was ‘capable of causing harm to a person.’” Do not eat Roaster Chickens, ever. [
And South Dakota Clinton supporter Cheryl Chamberlain takes the lead in the “Small Town Voters Who Shouldn’t Ever Talk To The Media” contest: “I won’t vote for Obama… You go on the Internet and see him associated with that church, with the Koran. He won’t wear a flag pin. … After 9/11, there is absolutely no way I’d support someone who is associated with the Koran. I won’t support terrorism.” In case you don’t get it, that mental leap chain is: Obama –> Internet –> Church –> Koran –> No Flag Pin –> 9/11 –> Koran –> Terrorist. [
After this morning’s
For those of you that were
A hobo in New York came across SECRET/ CONFIDENTIAL plans for the new World Trade Center buildings in some trash can in SoHo. “Experts said the detailed, floor-by-floor schematics contain enough detail for terrorists to plot a devastating attack. ‘Secure Document - Confidential,’ warns the title page on each of the two copies of the 150-page schematic that a homeless, recovering drug addict discovered in the public trash can.” Phew, good thing this hobo wasn’t Osama! It sure requires intense knowledge of the circuit boards in the building when you’re planning to blow it up with a 747. Now that hobo can enjoy being famous, in Guantanamo Bay. [
You — yes you, the American terrorist citizen — will have to pay for Dick Cheney’s security detail and personal safety for the rest of your life. Even when China has decided to pull the rug out and take us over, you will still have to tithe to the Church of Mao’s holding account that will be used, for some reason, to protect Dick Cheney. Everything we just said is partially true. The Secret Service is proposing, for the first time in history, to grant the vice president its protective services for six months after he leaves office, to the tune of $4 million. Swell! And guess why? It’s not complicated. Just figure it out, geniuses.
U.S. President George W. Bush has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for “fighting terrorism and promoting world peace,” according to a
Here’s where we are: If you have any trace amount of “metal” on your person, or in your luggage, or anywhere in your life, you are a terrorist and cannot board airplanes. Did you forget, Average American? You are never supposed to do that. Some lady did forget, however, and was