Tag Archives: terrorism

  'Heartbreaking' Is Bad Now?

Four Marines Murdered By ISIS, Or Maybe Just Lone Wolf With Muslimy Name, Who Knows?

Four people were murdered, and another three injured, at two military sites in Chattanooga, Tennessee, on Thursday, by a man identified by the FBI as Mohammod Youssuf Abdulazeez. The FBI cautioned that “it would be premature to speculate on the motives of the shooter at this time,” but come ON, just look at that name, would ya? What more do you need to know? Read more on Four Marines Murdered By ISIS, Or Maybe Just Lone Wolf With Muslimy Name, Who Knows?…
  More gay 9/11 coming apparently

Wingnut Terror Alert Level Raised To ‘Hey Gurl!’ After White House Gay Rainbow Display

Just gonna put this here one more time.
On Friday night, after the historic Supreme Court decision where Justice Anthony Kennedy destroyed all heterosexual marriages by letting gays in on the institution, the White House gave us ALL THE FEELS by turning rainbow-colored for the night. The display had been planned for months, which proves President Obama is in the tank for Big Homo, and it was A Good Thing. Indeed, President Obama called it “a moment worth savoring,” even though he had to watch it on teevee, due to presidents are not allowed to play outside after dark. Read more on Wingnut Terror Alert Level Raised To ‘Hey Gurl!’ After White House Gay Rainbow Display…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Illiterate, The Perverse, And The Deranged

Just try to keep the Yaks happy
The deleted comments game is a weird business — sometimes you can predict what topics will draw a lot of crazy comments — guns, Islam, and the Duggars, especially — and then sometimes, there’s a huge news story that doesn’t quite bring out nearly as much derp as we expected. For instance, we were sure that we’d be devoting most of this week’s Dear ShitFerBrains to this week’s Supreme Court decisions: Thursday’s Obamacare ruling and Friday’s complete destruction of America via Ghey Marrying. But apparently those were so traumatic that the Usual Crowd was too busy buying canned foods for the bunker and commiserating on rightwing sites. No doubt after the shock wears off, they’ll begin venturing to Wonkette to tell us precisely which torments we’ll all face in Hell. Ah, but we did hear a fair bit about the Confederate flag, so at least there’s that. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Illiterate, The Perverse, And The Deranged…
  Not The Sharpest Scimitar In The Drawer

Lindsey Graham Figures Charleston Shooter Must Be Some Kind Of Ay-Rab, Somehow

Here's one idea that will never work
Lindsey Graham is one of those people who lives out that old line about how when every problem looks like a nail, you turn dumb as a bag of hammers. Consider his brilliant observation in the Senate Wednesday on the murders in Charleston, in which he decided that the only possible explanation for Dylann Roof’s actions had to be that he was not even an American kind of killer. Read more on Lindsey Graham Figures Charleston Shooter Must Be Some Kind Of Ay-Rab, Somehow…
  But what about black-on-black crime???

Surprise, America, Your Worst Terrorists Are White Wingnuts!

Not an actual terrorist, just a sympathizer
Here’s something that’s sure to make wingnuts scream about reality’s liberal bias. A new study by the New America Foundation concludes that since 9/11, white rightwing terrorists have been far deadlier than jihadists. Unfair, of course to start counting after 9/11, because all terror begins and ends with 9/11. Also, Fox News is pretty sure there haven’t been any rightwing terrorist attacks at all, so you may want to take these think-tank guys with a grain of salt. Or gunpowder. Read more on Surprise, America, Your Worst Terrorists Are White Wingnuts!…
  Why does he always have to politicize everything?

President Obama Divides Nation, Says Charleston Shooting Involved Gun

President Obama spoke briefly about the church shooting in Charleston that left nine dead, in what the Department of Justice and other authorities are investigating as a hate crime. There’s no official word from the feds on what kind of hate crime, so per Fox News and other rightwing “news” outlets, it’s likely the alleged shooter spewed racist epithets and wanted to take his country back from the black congregation because he was primarily motivated by his hatred of Christians, of all races. Read more on President Obama Divides Nation, Says Charleston Shooting Involved Gun…
  You were expecting something else?

Fox News Condemns Vicious Hate Crime In Charleston — Against Christians

You think you're Doing Unto Others? Really, bitch?
This is something you don’t see every day. Or ever. But the dimwits at “Fox & Friends” are quite upset about an alleged hate crime committed by a white man that left nine people dead in Charleston, South Carolina. (We’d call it terrorism if the suspect were dark-skinned and Muslim, but he’s not, and we all know white men don’t do terrorism.) Read more on Fox News Condemns Vicious Hate Crime In Charleston — Against Christians…
  Two-Hate Solution

Don’t Accuse Louie Gohmert Of Callin’ Obama A Terrorist, ‘Twas An Innocent Question

Is Louie Gohmert a Ferengi? We're only asking!
This one seems a little out there, even for the mighty mental power that is Texas congresstoad Louie Gohmert: In a floor speech in the House of Representatives, Gohmert wanted to ask — just ask, mind you — whether the president is not merely soft on terrorism, but an actual terrorist himself? After all, Gohmert has already established that, in the Middle East, Obama is always on the side of our enemies, whoever they are. Read more on Don’t Accuse Louie Gohmert Of Callin’ Obama A Terrorist, ‘Twas An Innocent Question…
  Here have some news n stuff

Senate Unanimously Votes To Protect Us From Terrorists, With Craft Beer

D'oh
Congress is terrible at getting things done — and not just because the House and Senate spends so much of the year not being in session. Unless we’re talking about dumb, unimportant things like passing empty resolutions or renaming yet another post office, and then our elected leaders are SO on top of it: Read more on Senate Unanimously Votes To Protect Us From Terrorists, With Craft Beer…
  Too Hot For Trenchcoats

CIA Drops Climate Research Program Because Polar Bears Make Lousy Spies

Guys, if we can get this black igloo open we'll eat like KINGS!
Polar bears check out the USS Honolulu near the North Pole In what may be yet another victory for the Republican War on Science, the CIA is shutting down a climate research project that shared classified data with scientists with the goal of studying links between climate change and national security. The move came shortly after President Obama devoted his commencement address at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy to arguing that climate change presents serious threats to U.S. security, what with population shifts, coastal flooding, disruptions to agriculture, and the like. You know, a lot of arrogant stuff about science having effects in the real world. Read more on CIA Drops Climate Research Program Because Polar Bears Make Lousy Spies…
  I really need this job please Allah I need this job

So You Think You Can Be An Al Qaeda? Show Us What You Got.

No, don't apply for jihad, koala bear! Don't do it!
The Obama administration dumped some documents on Wednesday related to the raid in Abbottabad, Pakistan, which SUPPOSEDLY resulted in the many-shots-fired-to-the-face killing of Osama bin Laden, if you’re willing to believe the lamestream media. Seems the administration would like to poke some holes in Seymour Hersh’s fantastical tale about what REALLY happened that night. For instance, Hersh claimed that, despite official reports that the SEALs pilfered a treasure trove of documents from bin Laden’s compound, they really didn’t get much at all, maybe a few issues of Highlights For Children and a scuffed-up copy of the first season of Friends on DVD that the world’s greatest terrorist picked up at the Taliban’s annual yard sale. Read more on So You Think You Can Be An Al Qaeda? Show Us What You Got….
  with militias intent

Failed Congressional Candidate Planned To Kill Some Muslims As Love Offering To Sean Hannity

Those aren't crazy eyes at all, no sir
Let’s meet Robert Doggart, who ran last year as an independent for Tennessee’s 4th Congressional District (and lost rather badly, getting just 6.4 percent of the vote). But he’s not the sort of guy to just dabble in politics as a fringe candidate; he decided to face America’s problems head on, plotting to lead a militia attack on a Muslim community in New York, a bit of patriotic direct action that could get him five years in prison, which seems maybe a little light for planning an act of terrorism, but it’s not like he’s a jihadi or anything. Besides, we all know there are no rightwing terrorists. Read more on Failed Congressional Candidate Planned To Kill Some Muslims As Love Offering To Sean Hannity…
  Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!

Donald Trump Demonstrates Presidential Restraint By Not Screaming At Crying Baby

Listen up, you Messico losers!
Put this guy next to the big red nuclear button, everyone! Donald Trump was speaking to some Iowa Republicans at Wartburg College, and there was a baby, and it was crying, and guess what? Trump did not lose his cool. He did not yell. He did not rage. His hair did not shoot right off his head and into neighboring Nebraska, propelled by the smoke coming out of his ears. He didn’t even make fun of the baby! You know why? Because Trump. Trump. TRUMP! Read more on Donald Trump Demonstrates Presidential Restraint By Not Screaming At Crying Baby…
  Today's News Anchor Vocabulary Word: 'Gyrocopter'

Florida Man Tries To Air-Drop Message To Congress, It Does Not Go Well

Reports that The Humungus had taken over the Ellipse turned out to be unsubstantiated
A Florida (OF COURSE) mailman’s attempt to call attention to campaign finance reform instead prompted a terrorism scare when the amateur aviator landed his gyrocopter on Capitol Hill Wednesday. 61-year-old Doug Hughes, of Ruskin, Florida, had been planning the flight for over a year, and apparently tried to publicize the stunt by building a website and telling the Tampa Bay Times about it in advance, but apart from getting a visit from the Secret Service last year — with no follow-up — it appears that nobody in Washington was aware of the planned flight, which Hughes knew was in violation of federal law. The Times even made a video about Hughes’s plans: Read more on Florida Man Tries To Air-Drop Message To Congress, It Does Not Go Well…
  Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

Donald Trump: How Can We Win If Obama Keeps Saying ‘ISIL’?

What's with the pinkie there? Does he always do that? We'd never noticed
Donald Trump was welcomed to the National Rifle Association’s annual meeting this weekend, and of all the minds analyzing the situation in the Middle East, the finely tuned think-organ of Donald Trump is definitely one of them. He has discovered the real reason  the terrorist group known in Arabic as الدولة الإسلامية في العراق والشام (ad-Dawlah al-Islāmiyah fīl-ʿIrāq wash-Shām ) is so darned much trouble: Because our so-called “president” uses the wrong danged acronym for it in English! Read more on Donald Trump: How Can We Win If Obama Keeps Saying ‘ISIL’?…
  Accurate reporting is a liberal conspiracy!

Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!

Behind that mask is a very sad face.
Rightwing dildo-lube-boat-enthusiast James O’Keefe is being oppressed again by activist judges and the mean liberal media. An obviously terrible judge has struck down his libel case arising from his infamous (failed) attempt to pretend to be a phone company worker for the purposes of sneaking into then-Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu’s office so O’Keefe could, we don’t know … bug it? Mess with her phone lines? Kidnap the senator and take her on a dildo lube boat ride to hell? You never know with “journalists” like O’Keefe! Whatever it was, O’Keefe and his rarely sexed pals were charged with tampering with phone lines, and they pleaded out on a lesser misdemeanor charge of simply trying to get into a federal facility using the age-old tactic of lying. Read more on Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!…