Tag Archives: terrorism

  Too Hot For Trenchcoats

CIA Drops Climate Research Program Because Polar Bears Make Lousy Spies

Guys, if we can get this black igloo open we'll eat like KINGS!
Polar bears check out the USS Honolulu near the North Pole In what may be yet another victory for the Republican War on Science, the CIA is shutting down a climate research project that shared classified data with scientists with the goal of studying links between climate change and national security. The move came shortly after President Obama devoted his commencement address at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy to arguing that climate change presents serious threats to U.S. security, what with population shifts, coastal flooding, disruptions to agriculture, and the like. You know, a lot of arrogant stuff about science having effects in the real world. Read more on CIA Drops Climate Research Program Because Polar Bears Make Lousy Spies…
  I really need this job please Allah I need this job

So You Think You Can Be An Al Qaeda? Show Us What You Got.

No, don't apply for jihad, koala bear! Don't do it!
The Obama administration dumped some documents on Wednesday related to the raid in Abbottabad, Pakistan, which SUPPOSEDLY resulted in the many-shots-fired-to-the-face killing of Osama bin Laden, if you’re willing to believe the lamestream media. Seems the administration would like to poke some holes in Seymour Hersh’s fantastical tale about what REALLY happened that night. For instance, Hersh claimed that, despite official reports that the SEALs pilfered a treasure trove of documents from bin Laden’s compound, they really didn’t get much at all, maybe a few issues of Highlights For Children and a scuffed-up copy of the first season of Friends on DVD that the world’s greatest terrorist picked up at the Taliban’s annual yard sale. Read more on So You Think You Can Be An Al Qaeda? Show Us What You Got….
  with militias intent

Failed Congressional Candidate Planned To Kill Some Muslims As Love Offering To Sean Hannity

Those aren't crazy eyes at all, no sir
Let’s meet Robert Doggart, who ran last year as an independent for Tennessee’s 4th Congressional District (and lost rather badly, getting just 6.4 percent of the vote). But he’s not the sort of guy to just dabble in politics as a fringe candidate; he decided to face America’s problems head on, plotting to lead a militia attack on a Muslim community in New York, a bit of patriotic direct action that could get him five years in prison, which seems maybe a little light for planning an act of terrorism, but it’s not like he’s a jihadi or anything. Besides, we all know there are no rightwing terrorists. Read more on Failed Congressional Candidate Planned To Kill Some Muslims As Love Offering To Sean Hannity…
  Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!

Donald Trump Demonstrates Presidential Restraint By Not Screaming At Crying Baby

The baby probably thought he was screaming anyway.
Put this guy next to the big red nuclear button, everyone! Donald Trump was speaking to some Iowa Republicans at Wartburg College, and there was a baby, and it was crying, and guess what? Trump did not lose his cool. He did not yell. He did not rage. His hair did not shoot right off his head and into neighboring Nebraska, propelled by the smoke coming out of his ears. He didn’t even make fun of the baby! You know why? Because Trump. Trump. TRUMP! Read more on Donald Trump Demonstrates Presidential Restraint By Not Screaming At Crying Baby…
  Today's News Anchor Vocabulary Word: 'Gyrocopter'

Florida Man Tries To Air-Drop Message To Congress, It Does Not Go Well

Reports that The Humungus had taken over the Ellipse turned out to be unsubstantiated
A Florida (OF COURSE) mailman’s attempt to call attention to campaign finance reform instead prompted a terrorism scare when the amateur aviator landed his gyrocopter on Capitol Hill Wednesday. 61-year-old Doug Hughes, of Ruskin, Florida, had been planning the flight for over a year, and apparently tried to publicize the stunt by building a website and telling the Tampa Bay Times about it in advance, but apart from getting a visit from the Secret Service last year — with no follow-up — it appears that nobody in Washington was aware of the planned flight, which Hughes knew was in violation of federal law. The Times even made a video about Hughes’s plans: Read more on Florida Man Tries To Air-Drop Message To Congress, It Does Not Go Well…
  Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

Donald Trump: How Can We Win If Obama Keeps Saying ‘ISIL’?

What's with the pinkie there? Does he always do that? We'd never noticed
Donald Trump was welcomed to the National Rifle Association’s annual meeting this weekend, and of all the minds analyzing the situation in the Middle East, the finely tuned think-organ of Donald Trump is definitely one of them. He has discovered the real reason  the terrorist group known in Arabic as الدولة الإسلامية في العراق والشام (ad-Dawlah al-Islāmiyah fīl-ʿIrāq wash-Shām ) is so darned much trouble: Because our so-called “president” uses the wrong danged acronym for it in English! Read more on Donald Trump: How Can We Win If Obama Keeps Saying ‘ISIL’?…
  Accurate reporting is a liberal conspiracy!

Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!

Behind that mask is a very sad face.
Rightwing dildo-lube-boat-enthusiast James O’Keefe is being oppressed again by activist judges and the mean liberal media. An obviously terrible judge has struck down his libel case arising from his infamous (failed) attempt to pretend to be a phone company worker for the purposes of sneaking into then-Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu’s office so O’Keefe could, we don’t know … bug it? Mess with her phone lines? Kidnap the senator and take her on a dildo lube boat ride to hell? You never know with “journalists” like O’Keefe! Whatever it was, O’Keefe and his rarely sexed pals were charged with tampering with phone lines, and they pleaded out on a lesser misdemeanor charge of simply trying to get into a federal facility using the age-old tactic of lying. Read more on Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!…
  grifter gotta grift

James O’Keefe Totally Pwns Catholic College For Loving ISIS And Terrorism. Obviously.

Who wants to take one for the team, ladies?
Whey-faced adult virgin James O’Keefe (or his publicist) has been spamming us to take a look at his latest video allegedly exposing another college campus for being a hotbed of ISIS-supporting terrorist love. That way, he can fundraise by saying “Liberal blog Wonkette is attacking us because they are afraid of the truth that Project Veritas reveals yarrrrgle blargle poop!” Well, us liberals love to help out losers and their lost causes, so let’s give him a boost! Read more on James O’Keefe Totally Pwns Catholic College For Loving ISIS And Terrorism. Obviously….
  Load Up On Guns And Bring Your Friends -- Again

Ted Cruz Loves Good Old Country Music Because 9/11 And Also Pandering

‘John, let’s do a shot for the warden.’ And for the junior Senator from Texas.
Now this is some carefully targeted pandering! In an interview with CBS This Morning, Ted Cruz explained that the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, completely changed his taste in music, apparently because classic rock failed to meet his anger needs: Read more on Ted Cruz Loves Good Old Country Music Because 9/11 And Also Pandering…
  Looks Like I Picked The Wrong Day To Stop Sniffing Glue

TSA Let A Known Terrorist Fly. Who Was It, Besides Obama?

Langley, are you SURE this guy had I.D.?
Today’s big Air Travel Freakout is that the Transportation Security Agency apparently allowed someone very bad to board a commercial airliner last year, and they let the very bad person board without taking his very bad shoes off, even though he (or she! feminism!) was recognized by a TSA officer, triple exclamation points!!! Read more on TSA Let A Known Terrorist Fly. Who Was It, Besides Obama?…
  He's Seen Some Things Man

Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits

ISIS is pretty much just a teacher's union with rocket propelled grenades, after all
In his speech to CPAC Thursday night, Scott Walker let America know that he’s ready to handle international relations without wasting any time on diplomacy, explaining how his experience in crushing public-employee unions makes him the perfect choice to take on international terrorism: Read more on Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits…
  "intelligence" not the operative word here

Wingnuts So Mad About Report On Right-Wing Terrorism, They Just Might Shoot Something

The threat is real.
Cue yet another wingnut shitfit. CNN reports that the Department of Homeland Security has recently circulated a new “intelligence assessment” examining the danger of domestic terrorism from the right-wing “sovereign citizen” movement. This of course means that the President Oblackblack stooges who run DHS think that all right-wingers are fanatic terrorists worse than Islamists, QED. Read more on Wingnuts So Mad About Report On Right-Wing Terrorism, They Just Might Shoot Something…
  Whine and Jesus Party

Saturday Night Live Discriminated All Over Victoria Jackson’s Free Gay-Hating Speech

Let's get both these kids in the next Wes Anderson movie
Like many Americans who now regret it, we watched the great big Saturday Night Live 40th anniversary program Sunday, and we kept looking over at our 17-year-old son and explaining that the show didn’t so much suck as that it was just trying to recreate the feel of every single sketch that ran after “Weekend Update” for 40 years. And of course, we kept an eye out for former cast members who didn’t quite make it onstage, like Sen. Al Franken, who was definitely there, and Victoria Jackson, who was nowhere to be seen. WELL! Turns out that V-Jack was there all right, but she was shunted off into the overflow room, not given a seat in the studio audience. She’s not sure why that happened, but she bets it’s maybe because she’s a Christian who stands up for Traditional Marriage! Or maybe some young’un on the production staff just confused her with another crazy blond lady from the internet and worried that she’d storm the stage, grab the mic, and shout that America would never submit to Muslim rule. Read more on Saturday Night Live Discriminated All Over Victoria Jackson’s Free Gay-Hating Speech…
  Warmed-Over Science Denial

Fox News: Science Is A Hoax That Steals Our Freedom And Driving Privileges

God, that's just so dumb. Doesn't Obama even care that Americans are DYING?
Fox News found yet another reason to declare President Barack Obama totally DUMM Wednesday, because the stupidhead president made a factual statement that is also totally outrageous and stupid. In his recent interview with Vox, Obama said that yes, terrorism is bad and serious, but the media also exaggerates the threat of terrorism to the average American because it makes for good television, while threats like climate change, which will affect everyone on the planet, don’t get as much coverage because they don’t make for exciting TV. Read more on Fox News: Science Is A Hoax That Steals Our Freedom And Driving Privileges…
  It Only Stands To Reason (But He's Sitting)

Tea Party Hero Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gitmo Doesn’t Recruit Terrorists, Because LOGIC

Teabagger Tom Cotton, an actual elected senator from Arkansas, proved this week that, contrary to media reports and the lies of actual terrorists, there is absolutely no way anyone in the Muslim world has ever been moved to take up arms (or suicide vests, or car bombs) against America because of the prison at Guantanamo Bay. Read more on Tea Party Hero Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gitmo Doesn’t Recruit Terrorists, Because LOGIC…
  pee-drinkin' patriots

Todd Starnes Has Some Thoughts On American Jesus We Mean American Sniper

I see dead people.
Here’s a true story about Todd Starnes. Recently, I was at a party and mentioned that I was writing about Todd Starnes. The person I was talking to didn’t quite know who Todd Starnes was until I said, “People make jokes about him drinking pee on Twitter. Pee jokes guy. Big hat.” Then she was like “ohh, that guy! Yeah. That’s the only reason I know who he is. The pee jokes.” So good work everyone, I guess. Read more on Todd Starnes Has Some Thoughts On American Jesus We Mean American Sniper…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Youngsters Know Nothing Of Ronald Reagan’s Work

Scootaloo is neither a gun owner nor Jewish, as far as we know. She worships Rainbow Dash
It’s been a little while since we’ve skimmed the foam off the top of the waste lagoon that is our Comments Queue, and so let’s see what’s bubbled to the top. Please make sure you’re wearing OSHA-compliant eye and cerebral cortex protection. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Youngsters Know Nothing Of Ronald Reagan’s Work…
  And Lawyers Are Like Pipe Bombs Or Something

California School Board Must Read Bible At Meetings Or The Terrorists Win

Don't mind me. Just sitting in. Hey, kids, want some loaves and fishes? I have extra
The school board of Chino, California, is being sued by the mean old Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) just because it likes to open its meetings with a few prayers to Jesus. Plus some proselytizing during board meetings, and, OK, offering Bible classes taught with materials from a church, too. Members of the board are pretty sure they’re just doing what George Washington and Jesus want, which is to make sue that God isn’t excluded from public life. At a meeting last week, during which the board voted to seek an attorney to volunteer to defend the case, one board member compared the lawsuit to the recent terrorist attacks in France, because of course the First Amendment is a lot like an automatic rifle. Read more on California School Board Must Read Bible At Meetings Or The Terrorists Win…
  Vladimir Putin Feeling Neglected

Republicans Have Massive Freedom Boner For Egypt’s Dictator

Why can't we have a nice military dictator too?
Attention, Wonkers: We’re proud to announce that the American right has a new Strongman Boyfriend! They seem to have a real crush on Egyptian President Gen. Abdel Fattah al-Sisi, who seized power in the 2013 coup against Mohammed Morsi. Lots of wingers love him because he outlawed the Muslim Brotherhood and made the trains run on time, or at least he outlawed the Muslim Brotherhood. And even better, as Sen. Lindsey Graham noted over the weekend, al-Sisi recognizes the need for an actual religious war against radical Islam, while Barack Obama pretends that terrorists aren’t even Muslims at all, and won’t even say the words “radical Islam,” except for the times that Obama has actually said “radical Islam.” Read more on Republicans Have Massive Freedom Boner For Egypt’s Dictator…