Wonkette

Terrorists across the world still believe in the DIY ideal of jihad, refusing, after years of entreaties, to sell out to monied interests, and still making bombs the old-fashioned way. MORE »

Aptly-named Representative Anthony Weiner, Democrat from Queens, has been bitching and moaning about the Statue of Liberty for years now. The Statue was closed to visitors after 9/11, following fears that terrorists, monsters, intelligent apes representing the folly of man, aliens, supervillains, or rogue political cartoonists would target it for attacks. In 2004, the pedestal, housing the museum, was reopened. The crown, though, remains closed to this day.

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Take a look at the gentlemen to your right. Would you trust him with anything besides perhaps being an effective, physical power forward for your National Hockey League franchise? Of course not! So explain to us, please, why a federal appeals court isn’t allowing us to lock him up forever and ever without charges? MORE »

Ohio crackpot Thomas Potter doesn’t believe the government’s official story of what happened on 9/11, and to prove his point, he found three listings for “Usama bin Laden” in an internet phone book. MORE »

This past Memorial Day caretakers at the Oak Hill Cemetery in Neenah, Wisconsin noticed that more than two dozen American flags were missing from the graves of military veterans. Who was to blame — commies? terrorists? beatniks? No, the answer was even more chilling: our so-called “friends” in the rogue animal kingdom. MORE »

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Back in late January, ever-vigilant Boston officials locked down the city and threw it into a panic after various terrifying Lite-Brites were found planted around town. MORE »

Turns out our whole “have lawyers and neo-con think tankers make up an interrogation policy on the fly, then let untrained soldiers and reservists improvise” policy has resulted in a little bit of torture, here and there. Which, you know, awesome, everyone loves torture, let a thousand Guantanamos bloom, but now it turns out that torture isn’t really that effective, unless you’re trying to get some poor out-of-favor nomenklatura to admit to plotting to kill Stalin. MORE »

A 19-year-old student at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University, apparently in cahoots with a soldier from Fort Benning and a high school student, was caught by authorities in Virginia with “several gasoline-based bombs in his car.” MORE »

Shocking news: the government is unprepared for a major terrorist attack. With most of the National Guard busy inspiring new terrorists overseas, our nation’s large midwestern cities remain vulnerable to attacks that would never actually happen because what Islamo-fascist has even heard of Indiana? MORE »

The FBI has successfully broken up yet another fiendish terrorist plot on American soil. These brave defenders of freedom have once again ensured that Americans can rest easy, safe from the threat of a couple guys buying some guns and trying to… take over an Army base??? MORE »

* Fred Thompson loves getting paid to act like a Nazi. [Real Clear Politics]
* Karl Rove and Christopher Hitchens get high, light candles, paint pentagrams on the floor, each other. [Election Central]
* Dennis Kucinich is a space cadet. [PrezVid]
* Ron Paul debates himself. [Hit & Run]
* Most famous hirsute penis in the land to party in DC next week. [The Sleuth]
* Yea, but Sudan only terrorizes its own people, so it’s fine. [Think Progress]
* NRA wants you to pry legally purchased guns from the cold dead hands of terrorists too. [Intoxination]

Normal life came to a screeching halt today in America as news of an awful mass murder spread across the nation. Politicians canceled rallies, Congress delayed impeachment proceedings and office workers stopped their usual banal chit-chat about teevee shows or whatever for impassioned if still ill-informed discussions of gun control, violence and the dangers of creative-writing programs. MORE »