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Posts Tagged “Terror”

trust no one

Mulder & Scully Crack 9/11-Condi Conspiracy

A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! More »

2:25 PM on Thu Mar 27 2008
By Ken Layne
4,246 views, 33 comments

START YOUR TERRORIST PHONE CALLS AGAIN, EVERYBODY! The FBI is broke and can’t afford to eavesdrop on all of our personal calls and instant messages and emails and everything, so let’s get back to that secret terror project to blow up Mars. [AP/Google]

19 comments

A totally unbiased organization called Family Security Matters has released a list of the most dangerous organizations in America. Terror cells? Secret Masonic cabals? Roving bands of mad bioterrorists? Nope! It’s mostly web sites. And Code Pink. Oh, and all colleges and universities. Wonkette didn’t make the list.

22 comments

dennis hopper wanted for questioning

Tanker Hijacked, D.C. Could Be Blown Up

Here’s something to make you feel a little less comfortable about your life and the chances of it continuing beyond today: Some lunatic in Baltimore hijacked a tanker truck carrying 7,100 gallons of diesel. The truck is a bright-red Peterbilt carrying a metal tanker — both have “Baltimore Tank Lines” painted on the sides.

And check out the culprit, described as “a man in a blue jumpsuit who had been hiding in the sleeper portion of the cab.” WTF? So the driver was filling up the tank and then returned to the cab and then this blue-jumpsuited freak hops out with a semi-automatic pistol. The hijacked death bomb was last seen headed to I-95. Duck, everybody!

Police Search For Hijacked Tanker Truck [WBAL 11]

1:26 PM on Fri Oct 19 2007
By KLayne
1,397 views, 12 comments

Latest by Tra: I imagine his thought process is something like this: "You all laughed at my Straight Talk Express when it was just a bus, didn't you? Well, who's laughing now, DC? Who's ... laughing ... now?" more »

“Three days after Americans saw the Bush administration’s counterterrorism chief say the Iraq war has likely not made the United States safer from terrorism, the official announced his resignation, citing health reasons.” [ABC Blotter]

18 comments

“Last night, October 5th, after what was thought to be a secret meeting for new members of the front at Chief Ike’s, Inquisitor K (forgot to ask if I can just put his real name now) was arrested by US Marshalls. He says they were watching the meeting the entire time and when leaving they rushed him but he got away and was chased into Rock Creek where he was tackled, cuffed and nearly drowned. We went down to court this morning where he was arraigned on many charges including advocating terrorism (or something like that), providing material support to a terrorist organization, aggravated assault (for a botched ball-napping in July where a kickball player who gave chase was supposedly knocked out with brass knuckles), resisting arrest, 3 counts of theft, another assault charge, and he apparently faces extradition to Maryland and New Jersey for warrants related to narcotics trafficking.” [DieYuppieKickball.com]

27 comments

never ever ever forget dept.

NYT on Rudy: 9/11 9/11 9/11

The New York Times would like to remind everyone that Rudy Giuliani was there, on 9/11, when 9/11 happened. So they are running a story that contains precisely no (0) new information about Rudy or 9/11 or anything, really, and it’s half “what a hero” and half “what a dick” because it’s the New York Times and that’s their steez. Still, we love reading anything and everything about Rudy Giuliani and 9/11 so we read almost every word of this particular piece, and we have summarized it for you after the jump. More »

11:36 AM on Fri Sep 21 2007
By Pareene
2,661 views, 33 comments

Latest by H. Sauce Firewater for Congress: @HomoPolitico: Yes, and everyone knows you don't wear brown shirts before Labor Day. more »

Your telephone company wants the government to forbid you from suing them for cooperating with said government in spying on you. All the lobbyists are Bush family connected, except the ones who are Democrats. But have you seen those new Wes Anderson AT&T ads? [Newsweek]

4 comments

osama's beard dept.

How Are You Helping to Find Osama bin Laden?

All across America, regular citizens are pitching in to help their country capture the man who attacked it six short years ago on September “9/11” Eleventh. They’re a crafty bunch, these citizen warriors, and their resolve is strong. Take, for example, 46-year-old Gary Weddle. Weddle has patriotically vowed not to shave until Osama is captured. Unfortunately all the stories we can find on his quest are a year old, so we’re not sure if he’s still rocking the Sunni Madhab look. Or he might be more like Lufkin, Texas city attorney Bob Flournoy… More »

6:04 PM on Tue Sep 11 2007
By Pareene
2,634 views, 40 comments

Latest by bigpfeifinphilly: @Lionel Hutz Esq.: Now thats a jihad that I can get behind. more »

never remember

Remember the Real Victims


Seriously? No party? The terrorists have won.
Twins Born on 9/11/01 [CNN]

4:28 PM on Tue Sep 11 2007
By Pareene
1,023 views, 11 comments

i love the 80s dept.

Breaking: Thompson Helped Some Terrorists

Back in 1988, some Libyan terrorists exploded an airplane over Scotland, just a few short years after they shot and killed beloved scientist Dr. Emmet “Doc” Brown. A couple years after that, a tv actor named Freddie Thompson provided the accused terrorists with some legal advice. More »

2:28 PM on Mon Sep 10 2007
By Pareene
3,957 views, 28 comments

bugging the paultards dept.

UBL = RON PAUL??

Just look at the stunning evidence from his latest hit video: More »
smoke gets in your trains dept.

Entire Metro System On Fire

Deadly SMOKE is crippling DC’s heralded subway system. Two nights in a row now have seen mass outages and evacuations across the entire train network, with mysterious smoke pouring into tunnels and seven trains losing power. Metro officials are bewildered and not even pretending to know what’s going on. Is it terrorism? Is it sabotage? All they’ll tell us is that we must all panic. More »

10:29 AM on Tue Aug 28 2007
By Pareene
3,298 views, 34 comments

“Specially trained security personnel” at the airport will now be studying your “body language and facial cues… for signs of bad intentions.” They’re called “Behavior Detection Officers,” and their 16 hours of training will lead to a glorious new era of total security. Because one place where nervous, angry, hateful, or frustrated people will definitely stand out from the crowd is the airport. [McClatchy]

31 comments

“ONE MONTH from The Anniversary, I’m thinking another 9/11 would help America.” [Philly.com]

51 comments

snorg terror dept.

TSA Detains Man for Anti-American T-Shirt

Did you know that wearing a t-shirt with arabic writing to an airport is the equivalent of a “”person wearing a t-shirt at a bank stating, ‘I am a robber’”? No? Then you clearly don’t work with the TSA, who barred Reed Jarrar over there from boarding his flight at JFK because his shirt had terrifying non-Roman characters on it. More »

6:19 PM on Thu Aug 9 2007
By Pareene
19,002 views, 35 comments

Second Life isn’t just furries, marketers, and Mike Gravel — no, according to an Australian “security expert,” it’s positively crawling with terrorists! [The Australian via Slashdot]

18 comments

nothing to fear but dairy dept.

Cheese Bombs Apparently Not Going to Kill Us All

Remember how last week we were all being terrorized at our airports by al-Qaeda sympathizers sneaking cheese bombs onto airplanes? Oh, and duct taped ice packs? Turns out that story was complete bullshit. On Saturday morning, CNN admitted that the “terrorist dry runs” they warned about last Wednesday were made up. “Just kidding,” said anchor T.J. Holmes. That’s right, just fucking kidding. He actually said that. More »

6:33 PM on Mon Jul 30 2007
By Pareene
6,964 views, 38 comments