terror
America Now Burning Korans In Garbage Piles, In Afghanistan
You have probably deduced, after sort of paying attention to the “War On Terror” for more than a decades, that the “War in Afghanistan” has no purpose whatsoever. This would be incorrect. The purpose of the wars against Afghanistan and Iraq and Libya and Pakistan and Yemen and whatever Islamic countries we forgot to mention [...]
Herman Cain Releases Terrifying ‘Smoking Man’ Campaign Spot, To Hurt America
What in the living hell? WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE? Who is this ominous creep smoking into our faces as he strangles our children? Why won’t Herman Cain do his own “dirty work”? [YouTube, ugh, via Wonkette operative "Benjamin G."]
NASA Now Says Falling Satellite Will Maybe Destroy America Today
Have you heard about that no-big-deal falling six-ton bus-sized satellite that wasn’t really a risk for the United States? Well, NASA just changed its story, and now the U.S. is in the path of destruction. The satellite will fall out of space in a few hours. It might break up into pieces that mostly slam [...]
U.S. Wingnuts Ready To Pretend-Attack Norway Bombers/Shooters
Nobody knows what’s really going on in Oslo or at the holiday camp island in Norway where a bombing and a shooting have left many people dead, but it’s always safe for American Idiots on the Internet to jump in with a suspect (“Muslims”) and a verdict (“guilty”) and a list of co-conspirators (“Obama and [...]
Beware the Nuclear Meltdown Ides of March
Happy March 15, a day of disaster made famous by the haunting line “beware the Ides of March” — from one of Shakespeare’s most revered works, The Muppet Christmas Carol. (SPOILER: Caesar ignores this prophetic warning and then gets foreclosed on by Fozzie Bear.) Anyway, you’ve probably already heard about that third, devastating explosion at [...]
Wonkbot Fireside Chat: It Is Jewish Blood Libel To Annoy the Wonkbot
The Wonkbot was just kicking it old-style at its tacky lakefront tract McMansion up in some snowbilly suburb by the Taco Bell and Big Lots! and Home Depot and army recruiting strip mall shop and then the Wonkbot thought, “People somewhere are doing a Jew Blood Libel on me!” So here is the “state of [...]
Wonkbot Threat Level: Snowy, Fearful
It’s a good thing America “calmed down” after the weekend massacres! Now we can get back to worrying about snow, dead animals everywhere, exploding BMWs around the Pentagon/CIA, flooding in Australia, and more massacres. The Terror Threat Alert Level is “super dooper high” and our guest presenter “The Snooki” was going to illustrate this with [...]
Terror Threat Level: Very Orange
Whoa what even happened in the House of Representatives today? Those dudes are trying to prove they can read? Very fancy. Our special U.S. GOP Terror Threat Alert Robot can also read, with her mind, which is a computer chip from a spaceship. And the Wonkbot TSA-1138 has now been programmed to read the Facebook [...]
Terror Threat Level: Orange Alligators and Baja Fresh Gunmen
How bad are things out there this evening, terror-wise? Super bad! In Florida, there is an orange alligator loose. Who would make such a monster? No god we know, that is for sure. Not in America. Also, in the most American fast food place (Baja Fresh) in some mall in some Arizona turd town, a [...]
Meet the New U.S. Government Terror Warning Robot
Navy ship lesbian/homosexual videos, iPhone alarm problems and terrifying meteor showers are the topics of today’s Important National Terror Threat Robot Warning.
Rabbi At Temple Targeted By Explosives Has Sane, Un-American Response
That parcel-terror plot apparently involved explosives being mailed to a couple of Chicago synagogues. You know, because Chicago synagogues are very much responsible for the Iraq and Afghanistan wars and whatever else (everything) now included in the War Upon the Terror. President Obama says he’s “very concerned” and will “keep using robot death drones to [...]
Glenn Beck Never ‘Endorsed’ the Ground Zero Imam, No Matter What George Soros Tells You
The video historians at Media Matters for America got the attention of radical patriot Glenn Beck for spreading around a movie showing him shooting the shizz with Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf — the doom-force behind Manhattan’s proposed Cordoba House not-mosque — and teevee lady Diane Sawyer about why it’s annoying how Islamic radicals get so [...]
America’s Bedbug Infestation Requires Military Intervention
Bedbugs! They’re destroying Freedom & Liberty even faster than Debbie Riddle and terror babies combined. In Ohio and several other states, the critters have become so unruly that local governments are calling on the feds — including the Department of Defense — to help find a solution.
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