Tag: terror

Man has got to have a code.

Filipino Donald Trump OK With Being Called ‘Hitler,’ As Long As He Slaughters The Right People

The President of the Philippines seems determined to apply Godwin's Law to himself.
Speaking of 'pinched, mean, evil faces'...

Syrian Refugees Won’t Be Eatin’ Georgia’s Food Stamp Lobster And Filet Mignon Steaks

Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal is a Christian. He loves the Bible so much, he made sure cabins in state campgrounds were equipped with copies of the Good Book. But he's apparently pretty easygoing about actually following some of Christ's...

FBI Director Said ‘Jihad,’ Everybody Wet Your Pants!

Not that anyone was waiting for further details before screaming OHHH GAWD MUSLIMS, but here it is, your moment of zen: In an appearance on Capitol Hill, the F.B.I.director, James B. Comey, said Wednesday that the couple, who met online,...
Damn. There goes the Fox Brain Trust.

Fox News Boots Potty-Mouthed Pundits, Will Only Use Family Friendly Hate Speech

Nervous Fox News viewers can now rest easy. After Barack Obama's terrorism speech drove two regular commentators to use uncouth gutter language on air, the House Of Murdoch has suspended the malefactors for two weeks. Thank heavens! Fox is...
Begun this War on Sand has.

Ted Cruz Gains In Polls, Promises Burnt Offering Of Syrian Civilians

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) is having a fine old time playing Scare The Base this week, and with his rise in the polls in Iowa, it seems to be working out for the oily little sack of poutine squeezings....

Fox News Very Sorry You Can’t Call President Obama ‘A Pussy’ On TV

After impatiently demanding, 29 hours a day, that the president nut up and call the shootings in San Bernardino last week TERRORISM, Fox News's ew nasty nighttime ejaculations came true. So did Obama's Sunday night address from the Oval Office...
Sure, Jeb looks dumb. But look at that one short little terrorist!

Jeb Bush Not Aware Of Any Christian Radicals, Pro-Life Terrorists Feel Snubbed

Jeb Bush keeps pushing his strange attempt to out-Christian the other Republican candidates, explaining on "Fox & Friends" Monday how Islam is the only religion that breeds radicals anywhere on Earth, so failing to use the magic words "Radical...

San Bernardino Definitely Terror Attack, But We Don’t Know Who To Bomb Yet

It was a really frustrating weekend for everyone who wants to shut down the mosques, deport the Muslims, and ban al Gebra from the schools, because while the FBI and other law enforcement agencies are definitely investigating the San...

President Obama Addresses Terrorism, Asks Americans To Only Panic A Little, Please

President Obama will address the San Bernardino shootings and his administration's plans for fighting terrorism Sunday night at 8 p.m., in what everyone keeps reminding us is a "rare" address from the Oval Office. Now that the FBI has...
A sneakiy new tactic to blend in

Oklahoma Jihad Update: Please Be More Afraid. You Are Not Afraid Enough Yet

On Friday, we brought you the story of a horrific murder committed in Moore, Oklahoma. Alton Nolen, a man who was fired from his job at a produce processing plant, killed one woman and injured a second, and now...
Why is Kelsey Grammar even there?

Bill O’Reilly Recruiting Mercenaries To Win The War On Terror, Enlist Now!

Splotchy tomato-cheeked bully Bill O'Reilly used his television program Monday night to propose his swell idea to Win The War On Terror: recruit and train 25,000 mercenaries to attack and defeat the forces of the Islamic State, also known as...

Don’t Turn Off The Lights: The Most Frightening Moment Of The Obama-Romney Rumble

Hey ladies and bros, have you met Josh Romney? Would you like to see some more of him?

George W. Bush Apologizes To Muslim Country For Killing Korans

Did you hear the latest reason fringe-right American bigots hate their U.S. president, Barack Obama? It's because insane American soldiers are burning Korans in Afghanistan, at their giant army base prisons all over the country, and this is causing...

America Now Burning Korans In Garbage Piles, In Afghanistan

You have probably deduced, after sort of paying attention to the "War On Terror" for more than a decades, that the "War in Afghanistan" has no purpose whatsoever. This would be incorrect. The purpose of the wars against Afghanistan...

Herman Cain Releases Terrifying ‘Smoking Man’ Campaign Spot, To Hurt America

What in the living hell? WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE? Who is this ominous creep smoking into our faces as he strangles our children? Why won't Herman Cain do his own "dirty work"?

NASA Now Says Falling Satellite Will Maybe Destroy America Today

Have you heard about that no-big-deal falling six-ton bus-sized satellite that wasn't really a risk for the United States? Well, NASA just changed its story, and now the U.S. is in the path of destruction. The satellite will fall...