Wonkette

Hey did you hear Barack Obama is doing this worldwide terror tour with his senator friends? Look at those crowds, of soldiers! (Yes, also a lot of them are black. This is true in real life, too.) We can’t really hear what Obama is saying, but he gets a lot of applause, and then he makes a THREE-POINTER FROM DOWNTOWN and he hasn’t even changed into workout clothes. [YouTube]

Remember when those nuts on the right, Michelle Malkin and Charles Johnson, condemned beloved fast food bakery Dunkin’ Donuts for letting teevee chef Rachael Ray wear a Palestinian scarf in this ad? Dunkin’ Donuts first released a statement saying that no, it was not the Palestinian kaffiyeh design at all, just paisley, and a SCARF. Despite being categorically incorrect, the wingnuts have somehow “won” and Dunkin’ Donuts will pull the ad due to the “possibility of misperception.” Jesus. [Boston Globe]

Here is Barack Obama playing pool last night, before a Bitter Shadow crosses his face and turns him into some serial killer monster thing from Muslim Hell. He is a terribly evil man, and he is coming for you. [Getty Photo]

A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! MORE »

START YOUR TERRORIST PHONE CALLS AGAIN, EVERYBODY! The FBI is broke and can’t afford to eavesdrop on all of our personal calls and instant messages and emails and everything, so let’s get back to that secret terror project to blow up Mars. [AP/Google]

A totally unbiased organization called Family Security Matters has released a list of the most dangerous organizations in America. Terror cells? Secret Masonic cabals? Roving bands of mad bioterrorists? Nope! It’s mostly web sites. And Code Pink. Oh, and all colleges and universities. Wonkette didn’t make the list.

Here’s something to make you feel a little less comfortable about your life and the chances of it continuing beyond today: Some lunatic in Baltimore hijacked a tanker truck carrying 7,100 gallons of diesel. The truck is a bright-red Peterbilt carrying a metal tanker — both have “Baltimore Tank Lines” painted on the sides.

And check out the culprit, described as “a man in a blue jumpsuit who had been hiding in the sleeper portion of the cab.” WTF? So the driver was filling up the tank and then returned to the cab and then this blue-jumpsuited freak hops out with a semi-automatic pistol. The hijacked death bomb was last seen headed to I-95. Duck, everybody!

Police Search For Hijacked Tanker Truck [WBAL 11]

“Three days after Americans saw the Bush administration’s counterterrorism chief say the Iraq war has likely not made the United States safer from terrorism, the official announced his resignation, citing health reasons.” [ABC Blotter]

“Last night, October 5th, after what was thought to be a secret meeting for new members of the front at Chief Ike’s, Inquisitor K (forgot to ask if I can just put his real name now) was arrested by US Marshalls. He says they were watching the meeting the entire time and when leaving they rushed him but he got away and was chased into Rock Creek where he was tackled, cuffed and nearly drowned. We went down to court this morning where he was arraigned on many charges including advocating terrorism (or something like that), providing material support to a terrorist organization, aggravated assault (for a botched ball-napping in July where a kickball player who gave chase was supposedly knocked out with brass knuckles), resisting arrest, 3 counts of theft, another assault charge, and he apparently faces extradition to Maryland and New Jersey for warrants related to narcotics trafficking.” [DieYuppieKickball.com]

The New York Times would like to remind everyone that Rudy Giuliani was there, on 9/11, when 9/11 happened. So they are running a story that contains precisely no (0) new information about Rudy or 9/11 or anything, really, and it’s half “what a hero” and half “what a dick” because it’s the New York Times and that’s their steez. Still, we love reading anything and everything about Rudy Giuliani and 9/11 so we read almost every word of this particular piece, and we have summarized it for you after the jump. MORE »