The famously stupid Tennessee GOP is launching this lovely 4-minute “ad” to welcome Michelle Obama to Nashville, uh, metaphorically? It shows her saying that one time that she’s only been proud of America once in her adult lifetime, and then it asks Average Tennesseans to name times they’ve been proud of America. The first Average subject is “Tate,” a preppy, rich grad student at Vanderbilt — can’t be more than 25, 30 years old at most — noting how proud he was when we defeated Hitler, which maybe happened during his previous adult lifetime? [YouTube]

America’s favorite buzzkills — the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives — have launched a new advertising campaign in public schools in Tennessee that is sure to stop HOPPED-UP DRUG GUN BUNNIES from shooting their frienemies. The slogan for a series of posters reads, “Be Cool… Don’t Let Guns Rule.” Now all of Tennessee’s public school students are smoking cigarettes, which remains a vital ingredient of Being Cool. [CNS News]

The Tennessee Republican Party issued this press release today, in the wake of Barack Obama’s hesitance to denounce, or reject, anti-Semite Louis Farrakhan’s support in last night’s debate. Obama’s Muslim heritage poses so great a threat that the press release felt it was proper to use his full name: “The Tennessee Republican Party today joins a growing chorus of Americans concerned about the future of the nation of Israel, the only stable democracy in the Middle East, if Sen. Barack Hussein Obama is elected president of the United States.” [Update below!] And guess which photo they used to illustrate this point? MORE »

Memphis voters in the 9th Congressional District got a shockingly anti-Semitic flyer in the mail urging them to vote against Democratic Rep. Steve Cohen. “Memphis Congressman Steve Cohen and the JEWS HATE Jesus,” it announces. Why does Barack Obama allow this to happen? MORE »

Much thanks to commenter procrastinator, esq. for pointing out this interesting facet in the ongoing Georgia/Tennessee Civil War: they are fighting over Huckabee Lane. Nice job, Georgia and Tennessee Morans — you have implicated the Jesus Road!

It has nothing to do with slavery. Obviously if slavery were the issue, both Georgia and Tennessee would want many slaves, forever. Instead, the Georgia legislature is considering a resolution to annex an extra mile on its border with Tennessee. The proposal has elicited “tongue-in-cheek saber rattling from Tennessee lawmakers,” who enjoy war. But leave fun to the liberals; this thing has some serious consequences: “If the border is redrawn, the new state line would fall across Nickajack Reservoir. That would allow parched Georgians to tap into the waters of the dammed Tennessee River.” If Georgia can’t annex part of Tennessee, everyone in Georgia will die. MORE »

Wow, look at that doomed face on Hillary. Sure, nobody can manage a real grin when they’ve just been BEATEN LIKE A CHEAP RUG, but still, this is a Clinton. We expect a certain level of invincibility.

Jesus, this already sucks. Let’s live blog it.

MORE »

Columbia, Tennessee was the scene of a shocking, inconceivable attack on the memory of America’s most beloved pre-Civil War mullet-sporting President this week. The home of President James Knox Polk, the man who secured the Oregon Territory, caused and ended the Mexican-American war, and personally found gold in the Yukon or California or something, was vandalized by dangerous criminals. And it wasn’t the first time they’ve targeted Polk. MORE »

Tennessee Governor Phil Bredesen likes to paint pictures, because many politicians like to make crazy art. Bredesen visited U.S. troops in Afghanistan in March and met a girl who is now allowed to go to school — a welcome bit of good news in our War On Everything. So he painted a picture of the girl for his annual Christmas Card. Hooray for America and the Troops and Afghanistan and Freedom, right?

No, wrong. What are you, a Ku Klux Klan grand lizard who killed Martin Luther King Jr. on Martin Luther King Jr. Day? Let’s get busy with the crazy, after the jump.

MORE »

The state that most fears the Black Man having sexual intercourse with the White Gal has yet another Traditional Southern Values scandal, and this time it involves deep fryers … and little American flags, which were tastily battered in with egg, flour and pepper before being dropped in hot peanut oil. MORE »

• New media fails Rick Santorum as his two full-time campaign bloggers can’t find a link to victory. [Blog P.I.]

• Regular basement bloggers thankful for self-aggrandizing post-election rant template. [Mr. Sun]
• One tiny ballot cast for a Democrat, one giant vote for Sean Penn, NAMBLA, the Klu Klux Klan, Pete Seeger, and Kim Jong-Il. [Sweetness & Light]
• Self styled hipster-minister blames Ted Haggard’s gayness on his wife’s refusal to strap it on and get the job done. [Pandagon]
• Supreme Court clerks are in it for the pussy, don’t care if you know. [Above The Law]
• Elvis Aaron Presley: registered voter, Memphis, Tennessee. [Voting in Memphis]
• Missouri Senate race to be decided by which candidate’s pronunciation of the state’s name sounds less like a redneck pig-fucker. [The Right Place]
• Next-to-last day of Katherine Harris’s political career goes swimmingly as she is endorsed by the brothers Bush. [The Swamp]