Wonkette

Wow, look at that doomed face on Hillary. Sure, nobody can manage a real grin when they’ve just been BEATEN LIKE A CHEAP RUG, but still, this is a Clinton. We expect a certain level of invincibility.

Jesus, this already sucks. Let’s live blog it.

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Columbia, Tennessee was the scene of a shocking, inconceivable attack on the memory of America’s most beloved pre-Civil War mullet-sporting President this week. The home of President James Knox Polk, the man who secured the Oregon Territory, caused and ended the Mexican-American war, and personally found gold in the Yukon or California or something, was vandalized by dangerous criminals. And it wasn’t the first time they’ve targeted Polk. MORE »

Tennessee Governor Phil Bredesen likes to paint pictures, because many politicians like to make crazy art. Bredesen visited U.S. troops in Afghanistan in March and met a girl who is now allowed to go to school — a welcome bit of good news in our War On Everything. So he painted a picture of the girl for his annual Christmas Card. Hooray for America and the Troops and Afghanistan and Freedom, right?

No, wrong. What are you, a Ku Klux Klan grand lizard who killed Martin Luther King Jr. on Martin Luther King Jr. Day? Let’s get busy with the crazy, after the jump.

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The state that most fears the Black Man having sexual intercourse with the White Gal has yet another Traditional Southern Values scandal, and this time it involves deep fryers … and little American flags, which were tastily battered in with egg, flour and pepper before being dropped in hot peanut oil. MORE »

• New media fails Rick Santorum as his two full-time campaign bloggers can’t find a link to victory. [Blog P.I.]

• Regular basement bloggers thankful for self-aggrandizing post-election rant template. [Mr. Sun]
• One tiny ballot cast for a Democrat, one giant vote for Sean Penn, NAMBLA, the Klu Klux Klan, Pete Seeger, and Kim Jong-Il. [Sweetness & Light]
• Self styled hipster-minister blames Ted Haggard’s gayness on his wife’s refusal to strap it on and get the job done. [Pandagon]
• Supreme Court clerks are in it for the pussy, don’t care if you know. [Above The Law]
• Elvis Aaron Presley: registered voter, Memphis, Tennessee. [Voting in Memphis]
• Missouri Senate race to be decided by which candidate’s pronunciation of the state’s name sounds less like a redneck pig-fucker. [The Right Place]
• Next-to-last day of Katherine Harris’s political career goes swimmingly as she is endorsed by the brothers Bush. [The Swamp]

The fine citizens of Tennessee have been warned that a secret Mad Scientist Lair (possibly deep below Lookout Mountain) is dedicated to: MORE »

This week’s coup: getting a picture of Tennessee Senate candidate Bob Corker’s daughter Julia making out with another girl into the Memphis Commercial Appeal. Now we’re just working on getting Pierce Bush and Leslie Cochran into a Frank Rich column. MORE »

Rep. Harold Ford tearfully concedes that his interests are as pedestrian and suburban as a normal human American: He is apparently a single man who likes girls and football — whatever, perv! — and enjoyed attending a party where both were celebrated, even if he originally denied it. MORE »