Tag: tennessee

Tennessee Legislators Love Bible, Hate Sex So Much

a href="http://wonkette.com/593435/oh-great-now-even-the-southerns-are-gender-fluid"It's been a busy week for the Tennessee Legislature, which voted Monday to name the Holy Bible the state's "official book," so it can join the official gun (.50 cal Barrett sniper rifle, manufactured in the state), official...

Tennessee State Reps Will Stiff You On Tips And Be Asshats About It

We're used to crappy tipping stories (obviously, considering we publish Off The Menu every week) and subsequent online tip-shaming fiascos. This, however, is the first time we can remember where politicians -- people who theoretically know their every public...

Stories of Restaurant Customers Who Were Basically Satan

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we've got the old standby: terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad restaurant customers. As always, these are real...

Tennessee Sheriff So Mad Beyoncé Shot Up His House

Hey white people, how's that Beyoncé freakout going for you? Still in a corner crying about the part of the "Formation" video where a tiny little black child murders every cop in the world, with dancing? A child who might...

Bundys, Beyoncé And Rick Snyder’s Wife’s Birthday Cake. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Well hi there and good Saturday morning to you, Wonkers! Many newses happened this week, so it's good that you're here for us to catch up together! Haha just kidding, we are not together, because WE WROTE THESE DAMN...
The drugs are hidden SOMEWHERE, Tennessee Republicans just KNOWS it.

Tennessee Poors Refuse To Be Drug-Addicted Welfare Queens, Unfair!

If you are a Republican lawmaker in these US-es of America, you are absolutely certain that somewhere, a bunch of people are lazying around on their fat asses using their free Obamaphones to order 'spensive lobster from Amazon Prime, and then...
Good god we can't even

What Should Tennessee Do About Kid Who Shot Girl Over A Puppy? How About ‘Day-Drink’?

You might have thought last October's story about the 11-year-old Tennessee boy who murdered an 8-year-old neighbor because she wouldn't show him a puppy was one of the bleakest things Yr Wonkette wrote about in 2015, and it was....
Tennessee right now.

Know What’s Just Like ISIS? Gay Tennessee Teenagers, That’s What.

  What did wingnut conservative types even do before they discovered the greatest insult in the whole world, which is to call anything you don't like "Just Like ISIS"? Easy question! They called things "al Qaeda" and "Hillary Clinton" and...
On the right, the sexter Jeremy Durham. He probably has a boner right now. On the left, TN State Sen. Brian Kelsey. We don't know anything about him. (OR DO WE?)

Tennessee Republican Too Busy Sexting To Resign Over Sexting Scandal

It is a day in America, which means somewhere an elected Republican official has his freedom stick in his hand, and he's threatening to use it in some gross way. The boner at the center of today's story is...

It Really Sucks To Be Ted Cruz Right Now

Is Ted Cruz the most hated man in all the Americas that he is from? Duh. Every single member of the Republican Party hates his guts so hard, they'd rather support Donald Trump, whose guts they also hate, just not...
We dunno.

God Turns His Back On Gay-Hatin’ Tennessee Lawmakers

It's a bad week for gay-bashing political types in the Tennessee legislature. They just KNEW they had an ace in the hole, a sexciting new way to ban the Supreme Court from forcing gaysexual homo-nasty into their Christian throats,...
That's probably what fucked his brain up so bad.

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Rubbing His Judicial Wang All Over Gay Marriage Again

Alabama's Supreme Court Bubba Justice-In-Chief Roy Moore woke up on the wrong side of history again this morning. Again, oh my god yes again, and MONTHS after marriage equality became the law of the goddamned entire United States of America...
Oh look! It's intertextual!

2015: The Year We Drove Old Dixie Down

Among the actual victories this year for Non-Jerkhole Americans was one we'd been waiting a long time for: we finally -- FINALLY -- wounded the myth of the benevolent Confederacy. And it only took the murder of nine African-Americans, in...
Why, yes, changes in concealed carry policies mean I want to ban all guns.

Virginia Republican Bets Gov. Might Appreciate Guns More If We Let Someone Shoot Him

Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe has incurred some serious gun-humper butthurt with a new policy on concealed carry permits. To punish the governor, a state senator has taken an idea from the internet (and a "joke" by Tucker Carlson) and...
Menace to society.

Tennessee Ne’er Do Wells Can Wear Their Thug Pants IN JAIL

As we all know, the greatest threat we face as U.S. Americans, besides Muslims and Obama and gay marriage, is Kids These Days who wear their pants down low where you can see their fannies, and Bolivar Central High...

For Third Anniversary Of Newtown Child Murders, Give Classy ‘Christian Carry’ Pin To Someone You Love

It's been three years since Sandy Hook, and 554 American children have been killed by guns since then. That works out to an average of one child sacrificed every other day on the altar of the Holy Second Amendment....