Tag Archives: tennessee

  The Price Of Liberty Is Eternal Dipshittery

Military Recruiters Not Thrilled With Militia ‘Protecting’ Them, By Accidentally Shooting Stuff

Not feeling a lot safer, nope
After the Chattanooga shootings, a whole bunch of armed militia loons took it upon themselves to do for the military what the Pentagon was too pussy to do for itself: dress up like they’re ready for World War Z and stand around outside recruiting centers, just in case any more 24-year-old Muslim guys with depression and drug problems decide to go on a murder spree. But is the military grateful? No, the ingrates at the U.S. Army and other branches of the military have asked them to please just go away, and advised recruiters to treat armed people milling around outside their offices as a security threat. Read more on Military Recruiters Not Thrilled With Militia ‘Protecting’ Them, By Accidentally Shooting Stuff…
  Here's a story to ruin your day

Nice White Dad Mysteriously Dies In Police Custody, We Can Talk Police Brutality Now?

A man beloved by many, but most of all by his family.
Saturday evening, Troy and Kelli Goode of Memphis headed off to a Widespread Panic concert in nearby Southaven, Mississippi. What should have been a nice night off for two young parents ended with Troy, a 30-year-old chemical engineer, loving husband and devoted daddy of a 15-month-old, being hogtied by the Southaven police, and soon after dying in their custody. One of the family’s attorneys, Tim Edwards, explained the timeline of events to the Huffington Post: Read more on Nice White Dad Mysteriously Dies In Police Custody, We Can Talk Police Brutality Now?…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: More Butthurt Confederates, If You Can Believe That

Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!
Hey, would you believe that we’re still getting letters from angry sons, daughters, and bastard wannabe grandchildren of the Confederacy about our piece on a proposal to move Nathan Bedford Forrest’s bones out of a city park and to a private cemetery? Of course you would, because nothing inspires everlasting butthurt like a Lost Cause. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: More Butthurt Confederates, If You Can Believe That…
  'Heartbreaking' Is Bad Now?

Four Marines Murdered By ISIS, Or Maybe Just Lone Wolf With Muslimy Name, Who Knows?

Four people were murdered, and another three injured, at two military sites in Chattanooga, Tennessee, on Thursday, by a man identified by the FBI as Mohammod Youssuf Abdulazeez. The FBI cautioned that “it would be premature to speculate on the motives of the shooter at this time,” but come ON, just look at that name, would ya? What more do you need to know? Read more on Four Marines Murdered By ISIS, Or Maybe Just Lone Wolf With Muslimy Name, Who Knows?…
  This is not gender transcendence

Tennessee Says Don’t Drive Drunk, And Don’t Go Home With That Ugly Bitch Either

The state of Tennessee needs you to know these are total wildebeests.
Sup, bros? You drunk? Well, if you are drunk and you are in Tennessee, the Governor’s Highway Safety Office has an important message for you! First off, don’t drive drunk. And also, that bitch you are talking to is not going to be pretty when you wake up next to her in the morning, so don’t fuck her, bro: Read more on Tennessee Says Don’t Drive Drunk, And Don’t Go Home With That Ugly Bitch Either…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: Democrats Did The KKK, So Wonkette’s The REAL Racist

Fer one thing, its eyes are just teensy li'l things...
We sure did get a Passel o’ Stupid in reply to our piece suggesting that Memphis should get rid of its big Nathan Bedford Forrest statue (the public one, not the crazy-ass Nashville abomination above, which is on private land), seeing as how the guy was a vicious racist and war criminal. Except really, we mostly just got the same stupid comment, repeated with endless variations, and it looked a little something like these examples from “Angyl Ricardi,” who knows the real source of racism: Read more on Deleted Comments: Democrats Did The KKK, So Wonkette’s The REAL Racist…
  Letter from Memphis

Let’s Dig Up The Rotting Bones Of Confederate Traitor (And KKK Founder) Nathan Bedford Forrest!

I am an evil fuck and this is my statue.
Confederate Major General Nathan Bedford Forrest, by most accounts except the white supremacist ones, was quite the murderous, racist shithead. He was a wealthy slave trader, and he presided over one of the bloodiest massacres of the Civil War at Fort Pillow, where hundreds of black and white Union soldiers, and also black civilians, were murdered in cold blood after they had surrendered. The historian Richard Fuchs wrote that “The affair at Fort Pillow was simply an orgy of death, a mass lynching to satisfy the basest of conduct — intentional murder — for the vilest of reasons — racism and personal enmity.” Oh, and he was also the first Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, so HE SEEMS NICE. Read more on Let’s Dig Up The Rotting Bones Of Confederate Traitor (And KKK Founder) Nathan Bedford Forrest!…
  MAYBE an EEOC employer?

HELP WANTED: Tennessee County Clerk’s Office Seeks Non-Bigot Applicants For All Positions

Or the next best thing?
GAY MARRIAGE CREATES JOBS, thanks, Obama! Positions have recently opened up in the clerk’s office in Decatur County, Tennessee. Three former employees, including County Clerk Gwen Pope, recently vacated the premises upon discovering that the entire world had come crashing down upon them, rendering them unable to perform their daily tasks, which consist of paperwork, gossiping with the sheriff about them varmints what got caught over near Bible Hill up to no good, and issuing the occasional marriage license. However, nine unelected black-robed lawyers, none of them from around here, obviously, have decided to overturn the Sincerely Held Desire To Discriminate Religious Beliefs of true God-fearing Jesus-Americans, setting up a situation where Lloyd who is kind of “funny” can march up into the office and demand to marry one of his “friends.” Read more on HELP WANTED: Tennessee County Clerk’s Office Seeks Non-Bigot Applicants For All Positions…
  Here Is The Church Here Is The Steeple...Damn!

African American Churches Sure Burning Down A Lot, Probably War on Christians

Yes, we know none of the churches were in Mississippi. But YOU try finding a movie called 'Georgia,Tennessee, Florida and Both Carolinas Burning'
This is a bad thing: Six African American churches have been burned, since the June 17 murders of nine people at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, and arson is suspected in at least three of the fires. The FBI and Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives are investigating, and while there’s no evidence yet that the fires are connected (and accidental causes are suspected in two fires), four Southern black churches burning within a week of a racist murder seems statistically unlikely to be pure random chance. Read more on African American Churches Sure Burning Down A Lot, Probably War on Christians…
  In which we have "feelings" and bullshit like that

A Sappy Love Letter From Your Gay Wonkette, About America Getting Gay Marriaged In The Butt

That's yr gay Wonkette's niece. She's actually a wingnut, but her parents pose her for pictures like this.
Thursday night, I sat in my parents’ front yard just outside Memphis and looked at the house where I spent my teenage years. I wasn’t intending to have either Poignant Thoughts or A Moment, I just wanted to smoke a cigarette. (SHUT UP, I AM QUITTING.) I looked at the windows of my old bedroom and suddenly remembered, “Oh, tomorrow might be the day.” And then, surprisingly but not out of nowhere, I remembered the early ’90s, when I started to realize I was “different.” Well, I already knew THAT. I was a weird kid: I’d been playing piano since the age of four and reading since two; I was not all that athletic (I’m being generous); and I was just generally WEIRD. Suddenly, as I hit puberty, I realized that all those sexxxy thoughts I was having were about the boys in my class, not the girls. Read more on A Sappy Love Letter From Your Gay Wonkette, About America Getting Gay Marriaged In The Butt…
  Boo hoo

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It's the end of the world! Except not
It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of them to matter, HAHAHAHA). Join us, as we read their word-weeping for their beloved institution of inequality, which is dead as fried chicken now, huzzah! Read more on Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful…
  Sunday In The Park With George Wallace

If Tennessee Renames Park Honoring KKK Founder, ISIS Wins

If you put a different name on this, it's the same as blowing it up!
Now that Tennessee has murdered the Confederate flag on license plates, and is giving serious thought to removing a bust of Confederate general and founding KKK member Nathan Bedford Forrest from the Capitol building, some Democrats in the state legislature think maybe it would be a good idea to change the name of Nathan Bedford Forrest State Park. The park was established in 1963, when for some reason there was a regular mania for naming things after Confederate heroes, but now some people think there’s no good reason to sully a lovely recreational area with camping and hiking trails by keeping it named after a guy generally thought to be the Klan’s first Grand Wizard. Read more on If Tennessee Renames Park Honoring KKK Founder, ISIS Wins…
  Ghostwriters In The Sty

Mike Huckabee Sure Does Pal Around With A Lot Of Alleged Child Molesters

Funny how that guy keeps showing up
This is rather inconvenient for a presidential candidate, you’ve got to suppose: John Perry, the ghostwriter co-author of two of Mike Huckabee’s books, who seems to have ghostwritten co-authored books with about nine million other rightwing Christians as well, was accused of molesting a child in two different lawsuits, according to a piece published Wednesday evening by BuzzFeed’s Andrew Kaczynski and Ilan Ben-Meir. Read more on Mike Huckabee Sure Does Pal Around With A Lot Of Alleged Child Molesters…