You may have seen on the Internets this morning various excerpts from what appears to be GQ’s answer to Vanity Fair’s Levi Johnston article, in terms of the great “which major New York magazine can publish the weirdest and least fact-checkable 10-page fart of targeted-readership porn” journalism wars. “Matt Latimer,” a late-term speechwriter for George W. Bush, has written a snippy sack of anecdotes from his time in/near the White House during the 2008 presidential race, the Wall Street collapse, etc etc. It could have been an interesting read, but here’s the problem: it’s not. It is one of the shittiest pieces of writing, ever, or at least since Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Did you know that not a single person in the White House knew anything about anything except for smug mid-level stenographer “Matt Latimer,” according to Matt Latimer? MORE »

If you ever wondered about the secret lives of pill-popping blondes but were too lazy to crack Valley of the Dolls, future First Lady Cindy McCain will help you out. In her memoir, due out just a few months before her angry midget husband is crowned Emperor of America, she will reveal all of her secrets to staying healthy, wealthy, and married to a physically and emotionally fragile war veteran. In other words, the book will be a sort of Less Than Zero meets Deceptively Delicious with a sprinkling of Old Yeller. It will sell one trillion copies after Oprah adds it to her Book Club. [On Politics]